Chris Grainger 0:02

Welcome to The Line Within Us, a podcast serving Christian men or a hunger to be the leader. It's got to continue to be. I'm your host, Chris Granger. Let's jump in. All right, guys, your fun Friday member spotlight. And before we get to our member, let's do our scripture. So the scripture this week is Psalm 127, verse 3. Okay. So the third verse says, Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the world is a reward. So I took some time this week, guys, I unpack that verse in our spiritual kickoff episode. So go back in your podcast feed, you'll be able to see that SKO that we talked about raising a daughter in our last episode. But I want you guys if you enjoy the SKO podcast, yeah, I think you really would enjoy the daily SKO that we have at the Lion. It's free, it's our way we serve you guys. It also has access to our prayer request space, which has a prayer call every Monday. We love to do those prayer calls. Uh and also if you live in the continental U.S.,

Welcome And Weekly Scripture

Chris Grainger 0:57

uh we offer up a free gift. We just want to send you just to just to give you a little encouragement. So all that's available, guys, at the lionwithin.us and just click on the daily SKO, or you may want to jump into Lions Dan. We got all sorts of ways we try to serve. Okay. So that's where you can find us at fellas. All right. So for uh the the member, I'm I'm really excited about this. I got connected to this brother several months ago, and he's just been a blessing to the lion and and his story and his testimony and how God's moving his life. So I just want to welcome in Brian Cordova. So, how are you doing today, Brian? Doing pretty good, Chris. Good to see you. Good to see you, man. Always fun. We get to hang out. I like your shirt, by the way, but like y'all. I'm just a guy. That's it. That's it. That's it. Well, Brian, man, it's been an honor just to get to know you over the last several months and you've come into a line. And maybe for for our listeners out there, just tell us a little bit of your story, your testimony, and and how you came to know Jesus as your Lord and Savior, bud.

Brian Cordova 1:59

That's kind of a long story, so I'll try not to harp too long. No worries, buddy. It's all about you.

Daily SKO And Free Resources

Brian Cordova 2:06

Um I was raised uh believing God. Uh I had a gr uh very uh Christian grandmother when I was a kid, and so that's probably where I learned first learned about Jesus.

Chris Grainger 2:16

Uh and where was that at?

Brian Cordova 2:18

Where was your grandma like what part of the country? Fort Worth. In Fort Worth, Texas. Fort Worth, Texas, okay. And um and I um did uh go attend we were not just the biggest church goers in my family, unfortunately. And uh so but when we did go, we were Baptist.

Chris Grainger 2:40

Okay.

Brian Cordova 2:42

I did get uh I did go to a Baptist church for a little while in my teens and then I ended up falling away just not having any interest anymore. Started getting uh

Brian’s Early Faith And Drift

Brian Cordova 2:53

a lot of other things and un even uh despite uh my mom worrying a lot about me. And uh then uh a little later I uh felt I'm sorry. Let me go back a little bit. Um like I said, I did go to the Baptist church some, I did get baptized and I did get excited, you know, in the Lord, that sort of thing. Right. And then of course that Brian I was about 13. Okay. And um then uh I I know I was excited for a little while, but then again, I don't know if I had just uh the backing that I really needed at that time because like I said, many times I was the only one going to church. And uh so after a while I just started losing interest, and you know, of course it was this was the 70s, so I was in the I started getting into the 70s rock and roll and you know things like that. And plus I was dealing with uh a heavy secret I didn't quite know how to deal with because uh this was something that we didn't talk about back then. And uh but some of you already know this that I've uh dealt with being same-sex attracted. And uh so that was something that was always in the back of my mind. And funny thing was I never heard when I was going to the Baptist Church, I never heard any condemnation. Um it was just not brought up, at least when I was there. So I didn't even know there's scripture in the Bible condemning it. Um I didn't find that out until later when I started when I started uh getting out and hitting the gay bars and everything. Um suddenly it's about the time that Anita Bryant started her crusade. And uh some of a lot of a lot of our listeners will remember her. Uh she started a uh really big anti-gay uh crusade in the late 70s. She was a singer, did uh TV commercials uh for uh Florida Orange Juice,

Same-Sex Attraction And Panic

Brian Cordova 4:55

um, and um and then when uh gay ratsword has uh start uh started in eight uh was passed in Dave County, Florida, um the her husband and her pastor, from what I understand, kind of pushed her into speaking up against it. And I don't know, but uh and uh so she ended up becoming quite a well-known anti-gay crusader. Um and uh it was during that time I started hearing some of the scripture verses, and I remember panicking, like, oh my god, I first heard about Leviticus 1822 that says man shall not allow mankind as with a woman kind, it is an abomination. And then of course I hear in 1 Corinthians 6 9 that homosexual, the way I heard it, was homosexual to not inherit the kingdom of heaven of heaven, and then of course Romans 1 uh and uh all that, and I remember I began to panic because my first thought was that um this is a condition I didn't choose. And that's one thing I I want to make clear. I did not choose it. A lot of people think that we're somehow we a lot of us, I can't speak for other people like for me. I I wasn't suddenly just be rebellious and decided to choose this way. Right. It just something happened. I don't know why. That's one of those things I still uh seek God out for to try to understand. Uh, and uh I really have not been given an answer. But you know, this uh it was something that became my identity. So of course when I hear uh when I hear, you know, that homosexuals not inherit the kingdom of heaven, I thought that meant I was damned just because of this what I'd now call affliction. Right. So I remember I got involved in what was called uh uh called the Metropolitan Community Church, just trying to finance it, and that was the quote unquote gay church that was started in 1968 by uh Troy Perry, who wrote a book called Uh The Lord is My Shepherd and He Kings I'm Gay. And uh, of course, you know, it was it was all pro-gay. Um you know, he even put in his book that um God created homosexuals and homosexuality, it's always been a part of nature, yada yada yada yada yada. And uh and uh therefore I w I went ahead and checked them out just trying to find some answers because uh I didn't know where else to go. And this was a little like a little church in Fort Worth, and uh um I didn't end up getting involved with it, but the funny thing was I just wanted enough self enough salvation,

MCC And Trying To Compromise

Brian Cordova 7:32

or I wanted enough church to believe that I was that I was saved. It didn't stop me from living a really bad life at that time. In fact, I'm sorry to say that in Metropolitan Community Church, that's not uncommon. But uh it didn't stop me from going to hitting the bars, it didn't stop me from sleeping around and it stopped me from a number of things. It's like, you know, okay, I I uh you know, I'll do these things, but I'll go and I'll go to church and I'll confess my sins, I'll take communion, and you know, and we're good. Yeah. Right. It's like, you know, I don't know where I got all these ideas, they're crazy, but um that just kind of you know lasted for a little while. I mean I did get reactive in that Metropolitan Community Church for a while. Uh then I got um then I got sober in 81. And uh because at that time I'd uh I'd started drinking when I first started hitting the gay bars in 78. In 81 I was having I was having blackouts almost every night time I drank. Really? That's how bad it got. Yeah. So I did end up getting sober in the middle of 81, and which I know that's a lot of our folk or a lot of our guys weren't even born yet. Anyway, I didn't get any sober, and then um I uh got involved with the the mid MC well, we call it MCC again. Uh I did start having, and this is what I mean. I'm still a little confused about this, and I'm seeking the Lord on because I did feel like I had a good experience with the Lord during that time. Even though at that time I was in a homosexual relationship. And uh but yeah, I felt like the Lord was still blessing me. Um like I said, it does still doesn't make sense to me as I look back on it because uh, you know, I was still you know, holding on to that one big sin. Like I said in a relationship, I was ever in a happy relationship. Uh it was actually uh 45, I was 21 at the time. Oh wow. Needless to say, we had some problems. Yeah. And uh but uh I just like said I try to make once again try to make peace with it. And I even got involved later on in some because MCC was so um it got so politically correct. I mean you couldn't call God father anymore. Uh I mean the inclusive language became the law. So a lot of breakout groups started coming up and they were a little bit more Bible Bible-based and sometimes charismatic, but they uh also and didn't didn't deal with the homosexual issue too much, you know, it's almost like well, make believe we're like everybody else, you know, and uh we won't talk about that gay thing too often. And uh, but of course, you know, once we were in in a relationship and uh and I did that for a while, but then after a while the world began to look really pretty because I started uh by the time I hit 30. I started hitting the gym and I started getting kind of looking good. And then I started I at this time I was living in Houston, living in the Montrose area, which is the gay area of Houston. And um during that time um thought I'm looking pretty good here. And there's some pretty good looking guys around here. Right. And so, you know, it was like uh entic me, enticed me, enticed me. Um and uh I would had been in a relationship if that ended up ending. Uh and I was actually in five relationships through the whole time. Five, you know, so uh it's kinda give you an idea of how grew up that was. Um and then um later I was in a bad car wreck in '93. Okay. And I'm not sure why. At that time I was in my with my fifth relationship. And he was very new age in that sort of thing. And um uh I don't know why, but for some reason after the car wreck I started questioning everything. Yeah. Yeah, as far as my faith and all that, and so I s first I started becoming a seeker. I started seeking out other alternatives. At that time, new age was the big thing. And uh and I started checking that out. Yeah, reading Sheryl McLean and reading uh I've read several of her books and all that and uh other things and then I ended up getting into a uh going to a little church in Dallas. This is in Dallas. Uh I had moved to Dallas at the time. I'm sorry, I'm kinda I'm really tipping around here, but and I'm cutting out a lot, right? Oh, you're good.

Chris Grainger 12:34

So you're in it's just 93 and you're back in Dallas.

Brian Cordova 12:38

Yeah, I'm back in

New Age Detours After The Wreck

Brian Cordova 12:39

Dallas, yeah.

Chris Grainger 12:39

Got it.

Brian Cordova 12:40

And um at that time there's uh I heard about this little new age church in the Oklahoma area, which was the gay quote unquote gay area of Dallas. So uh it was called Oakland Church, so I went to check it out and it turned out it taught a teaching called A Course in Miracles. I don't know if you ever heard of the Course. But um I kinda hesitate to say the name say the name because I don't want anybody checking it out of curiosity. It was a channel material a channel in the 60s to a Jewish psychologist that uh was supposedly the by an inner voice. She said she said it was dictated to her by her inner voice. And if identifying yourself with Jesus. And um it went through a process of seven years. She did a a text, a workbook for students that covers 365 days of undoing your thinking, and then and then replacing it with new thinking, if you can imagine what the what those thoughts were, and then uh what they call the manual for teachers. And I got really active in that for a while. And of course it taught us, you know, uh, it was kind of him doing some of it teaching it talking about Jesus, you know, by Jesus, and he made reference to you the disciples and things like that, but also talks about things like the uh crucifixion being the last useless journey, because this world isn't all an illusion, that the crucifixion wasn't an illusion, that he never actually died, because he was never actually born because this whole world, you know, we're just we were we're exiles, we're uh we're exiles on on earth, you know, or actually dream uh actually that we're asleep at home at home in heaven, sleep, dreaming of exile, and dreaming of this whole earth, dreaming of sin, death, everything else. And this book, I mean, it really reiterated these ideas over and over and over again. Like I said, the the workbook would have happy little sayings, you know, for the first part of the year, undoing your thinking and then replacing it later with what you know I call the truth. And uh I I got in I got active with uh seven organizations that were part of the course. Uh I met is what lady that I absolutely adore in California, who was one of the early ones to really pr uh promote the course and see some of uh praying about that because I actually adored the woman. You know, and uh but uh that that uh I know my confusion too. Yeah. I did find myself going also to Unity, Unity Church.

Chris Grainger 15:31

Okay.

Brian Cordova 15:32

And then I started getting more interested in unity history and unity teaching because I was kind of a it was metaphysical Bible teaching. Uh that actually was early days. Um and it was kind of to talk to about your reach reach uh reaching your Christ nature and that sort of thing. And uh and then of course the past twenty five years has gotten more just more just plat a new age. I mean they took out anything referenced to church, to Christ, uh anything, you know. Uh to Jesus, uh anything. So but that was an interesting experience. That was that for a few years and then and then I went to the Unitarian church. And like I said, I know this sounds really crazy because I'm squeezing so much into so little time here. So I ended up in the Unitarian church because uh I don't know if you those of you heard of about Carlton Pearson, who was uh a protege of uh Orl Roberts here in in the Telsa area. And I don't know if he mentioned that I live I live right outside of Tulsa. But uh protege who uh in the around 2000 announced that he decided there is no hell. And his church fell apart. Several people followed him and he ended up at all souls unitarian here in Tulsa. So out of interest in that, because I no longer believed in hell, I found that very fascinating, so I ended up going over to that. Plus they had charismatic services. Like I'd like this charismatic worship service, you know what I mean? Right. So that that attracted me too. And then um sad thing is when uh some of the people that follow him over, uh I still see them on Facebook and such. And I never see him talking about Jesus, I never see him talk about the word. I see him talking about entering yourself, you know, becoming a better you know and just strengthening yourself. Including his will, as he passed away a couple years ago of cancer, unfortunately. But um but uh and uh it's like I said it's I can see now as I see and now uh since becoming born again, I really don't believe I was born again until last year. I can see these things now in hindsight. Um you know, and then from there I got interested in paganism. I got involved involved in druidry, and then uh I was part of a druid group here. I went to several several rituals and that sort of thing there that I participated in for for a for uh pagan or pagan or Halloween was the big one, but you know, for uh uh pagan holidays and such. Right. And uh then I end up in Satanism, interesting enough. That was about three or four years ago. I was watching and this shows you how uh gullible I was. I mean I can't think of a better word, I was playing gullible. I don't know what I was trying to prove on the w, you know, but I watched a movie called um well there's a documentary, I'm not gonna say the name because I'm only made out pulling up the movie. Um, but there was a documentary about the particular uh church that I was or s temple I was part of. And I I don't know, it just attracted

Pagan Paths And Spiritual Confusion

Brian Cordova 18:53

me and there's uh just something about it attracted me. I think but part of it was because I was still very rebellious, and of course that was all about obeying. I mean for me is all and at that because at that time I'd given up on God. I just totally gave up on God, and I thought, you know, because he wouldn't play by my rules. And uh so I think for me that was like just a big FUDIF to God when I got involved with Satanism.

Chris Grainger 19:15

Yeah.

Brian Cordova 19:16

Um and uh so

Satanism Night Terrors And Collapse

Brian Cordova 19:19

and but it funny thing was I was gonna go to a thing uh called uh they call Satan con uh up north. And I I was couldn't wait to go. You know, I was so excited and things happened where I couldn't go. I was so mad. And one of the things I was planning on doing was participating in what's called an unbaptism ceremony. Uh, because I'd actually been baptized you know, as as a Baptist and I don't think I understood it. Yeah. But and I was also baptized later as a in the gay church. And uh so I wanted to be unbaptized and uh I didn't get to go. And I was furious. You know what's funny? I ended up falling into the war I mean this maybe's not funny, but I think the Lord allowed this to happen because during that time I've always dealt with mental health. Obviously I have mental health issues um that I've dealt with and I've uh they're facing different things for years and all that. But I ended up sinking into the absolute worst depression. Uh probably in toward toward the end of uh 2024. And I mean I was having extreme anxiety um and uh extreme depression. When I got into Satanism, I actually started having night uh night terrors. Really? Uh I mean I s waking up finding things in my bed, that sort of thing. Uh I remember one one night I uh woke up and I saw this form come around my bed of a young naked male. And you know how in dreams things are ever kind of fuzzy, you know, on that? It wasn't fuzzy, it was clear. I could see everything. And he was just looking at me, you know. And I don't remember what happened after that, but I just remember something about it enti uh I found it enticing, but part of it scared me too. I asked my older sister later, um, who's who's a devout Christian been praying for me all these years about it, she just immediately said that was a spirit. Yeah, that was that was yeah, that was the whole idea was to to entice you, just to entice you further uh into where you're going. Um but I if you would have seen in my wallet back here, you would have seen all kinds of demonic uh little statues and and emblems and and so that's it. What I later found out were portals into my home. Um and uh like I said, uh with the enemy, of course, I didn't believe in the literal Satan. I thought I was playing a game. And uh and it wasn't the extreme Satanism say that like John Ramirez speaks speaks of if you ever heard him. Right. It wasn't anything like that. Okay. But it was enough. I mean the enemy took it very seriously as far as I'm concerned. But you know, the enemy knew that I had mental illness issues. Well, I just went I more or less said, come on in, you know? Just come on in, take over. Yeah.

Chris Grainger 22:28

Yeah.

Brian Cordova 22:28

And he did. And I like you said I ended up in the absolute worst depression. I was uh I gained a lot of weight for some reason. And then I lost a whole lot during that time. And I started I found started having some little health issues, like you know, I found out uh pre-diet uh type two diabetes for some prostate issues and you know my cholesterol's up a little bit and that sort of thing, you know. But I had I had just and I was getting ready to have biopsy on the and that kind of thing. And I just got into this total death state of mind. I mean, really, I'm at that that's all I thought about was death by dying. And I even had the last part of last year, uh first part of last year, a very dark voice tell me you're gonna die this year. And I believed it. And that's where my mind was going. It's like everything was about death. My and uh I didn't mention I do have a housemate. Uh he's my best friend when and thank God it was nothing beyond being best friends. Right. He put up, he had to deal with all this. And I know he was worried about me, he was probably terrified of coming in and finding out I'd done something to myself. Yeah.

Chris Grainger 23:49

Yeah.

Brian Cordova 23:49

And uh my therapist was worried about me. I think she's getting ready to commit me, whatever she could do legally. He said, You're spiraling, Brian. I don't know what to do with you. Because I couldn't sit still. I was like this, you know, constantly. I mean, I tried to stop and I couldn't. And I don't know, one night I was watching a movie, and I was and I was going to tell you, I was a little stoned at the time too. But uh I was watching a movie one night, and this was about part about this album last year. I'm not exactly sure I didn't document. I wish I had. But I was sitting there watching a movie, not seeing the movie, not really paying attention to it, just meditating on all my worries, all my concerns, and fears, and everything else. And it's like this thought dropped out of nowhere. What about eternity?

Chris Grainger 24:36

What?

Brian Cordova 24:38

Yeah. And uh I don't know, it's kind of funny. It's like I knew that thought. I didn't hear a voice, but it was I I knew that thought wasn't one of the other ones. I just knew it just came out seemingly nowhere. And I started thinking, well, you know, I'm worried about death. Maybe I need to think about eternity. Maybe I need to think about what I'm doing here. You know, the game, the stupid games I'm playing. So probably went much longer that the satanic stuff that was back here got destroyed. Taken down and destroyed. Yeah. I do have some other things I need something to get rid of for my other for my new thought, new age, and all that kind of stuff, but but that went immediately. That uh my pagan stuff,

The Eternity Question That Broke Through

Brian Cordova 25:27

uh, because I had an altar back here as well. That got taken down. But I think to begin with, I thought I'm gonna I'm going to um do the I'm I'm I thought I was gonna do it like I did before. I thought I was gonna try and have a relationship with Jesus. I was gonna do it my way. By your rules. By my rules, yeah. It's like you know, and even though I should have known by now, by then, you know, that that never worked. But anyway, but I had just kind of decided that, and uh, so I just started watching things on YouTube because at that time I watched a lot of YouTube because at that time I was before I was just watching comedies and not laughing, you know, and then uh but I started watching some I think Christian things I've started I looked at people I was familiar with from the past, like Catherine Kuhlman and some others, and but then I found some uh progressive preachers um who uh affirmed homosexuality and such. Um so uh you know started listening to them. But and but somewhere along the way, and once again I wish I would have documented this because I don't know exactly when it happened, but so I gotta know where I had another thought drop into my head. This time I want you to give me everything. And I was like, whoa. And I don't know why it was a problem. I mean, at this time I was very sexually inactive, so you know, it's like a decided to become a ch a chaste Christian, I was just like business is usual, yeah, or nothing business, no business is usual. But it was still because that was still part of my um identity.

Chris Grainger 27:19

Yeah.

Brian Cordova 27:20

And it's like, you know, because I was out I had been out in proud for years and that sort of thing. Uh but then it's like, okay, well, okay, well, I don't know what to do, but I'll give it to you. I'll give it to you. You know, I'd always been scared of back when I would hear about these, like these XK therapy things, I was afraid I would be uh be uh it would be demanded that I produce. You know what I mean? Okay. That I suddenly become straight, you know, right in whatever. Right. And I didn't know if I could do that. Yeah. But so I think that's one of the reasons I always stayed away. And as I mentioned earlier, I thought that when he talked about the condemnation of homosexuality, I I took it as my identity. I took it just me. But one of the things the Lord showed me almost almost immediately was yes, homosexuality is an abomination. But he told me, but you are not, you never were an abomination to me. And I go next then it's and I was like, whoa, you know. That's a good word. Uh pretty awesome, you know. And uh I really had trouble with Leviticus 20, 13, where it talked spoke about uh, you know, that yeah, if two uh two men lie together, they've committed abomination, they should be put to death, their blood shall be upon them. And that used to really bother me. I thought that's extreme, you know. But it's almost like uh and once again I've almost thought the Lord's tell uh said to me, uh said to me when I was thinking about that was well, guess who took your place? And uh so I didn't have to die.

Chris Grainger 29:03

That's right. That's right.

Brian Cordova 29:07

And uh so I more and more I beg I became became comfortable giving uh giving him I was already seeing results in my life. I hadn't told Jim yet, I hadn't told anybody what was going on, I was terrified to tell him. Yeah. I even told my sister Karen who had been praying for me for decades. Um and uh finally I dropped a text because she'd been worried about me because of the the anxiety.

Chris Grainger 29:31

Yeah.

Brian Cordova 29:32

She'd been really worried about me, and I told her that I was actually seeking God. And he was good, let's go in the right place. And uh, but I didn't go into details. And uh finally I told her, I sent her a text saying, I have decided to give my life to Jesus. There you go. And I sent another text and I said, and you're probably wondering about the homosexuality. I said, I've given that to him too. I said, I still have the attractions, but I don't view them the same way. And she sent me a I was gonna read, I don't know if I want to or not, but it might be too personal, but she sent me a text about um oh, I just it's one I kept because it's meant so much to me that she had been pray he had prayed about me years ago, part back in the eighties. She had prayed about me. And uh she said that the Lord told her, Don't worry, I've got my hand on him. So he's gonna have a mighty testimony. Um and so she said she just

Giving Jesus Everything For Real

Brian Cordova 30:38

always kept that promise. She kept she kept hold of that promise.

Chris Grainger 30:41

Yeah.

Brian Cordova 30:41

When she found she she actually found out about me getting into Satanism, then when I tried to hide it from her, my niece saw it and told her. And she said, Well, she just said to her, Thank you for telling me, now I know what to pray for. So, and needless to say, we've had a very close relationship since then. I always kind of kept up a distance. They never reject me. I want to say that first of all. They never rejected me. Uh they never affirmed my sin, and I praise God for that. But they never uh they never rejected me. Right. They always loved me. Right. Eldest Sister Cheryl prayed for me for years, and like I said, I think I've told you before she passed away a couple years ago.

Chris Grainger 31:23

Yeah.

Brian Cordova 31:23

So I put it in my heart sometimes that she didn't get to see the results of her prayers. But, you know, like I said, I think sometimes she's gonna know. She needs. Yeah. I just think certain that. And uh then I had to tell Jim and my yeah, like I said, he didn't respond too well at first, uh, but he's he could deny it that he's seen the turnaround in my life.

Chris Grainger 31:45

Yeah.

Brian Cordova 31:46

Like I said, he sometimes. He's I'm in fact I suggested suicide at one point. Point suicide. That's how dark I'd got. Yeah. And uh but you know, he could he can't deny that. We've and we've had a few fights. I mean arguments.

Chris Grainger 32:05

Yeah.

Brian Cordova 32:07

But we're praying for him. Uh I don't believe that the Lord is leading me to to leave, uh, you know, even though he still identifies as homosexual, okay. Uh I don't feel like the Lord is uh uh he was afraid that's one thing he's afraid of too, that I was gonna leave. Abandon him. Uh he got to meet my sister, he got to meet some people for church, and see that that's not the case, and nobody's nobody's pushing him that direction. You know, he said that people are probably, you know, everybody would probably get rid of the old heat of the faggot. And uh but I said nothing of the kind. But I said, but he might as well know that every a lot of people are praying for him right now. And um, okay, it's just seen the Lord start kind of start doing little things, so it's like, okay, I'll step back. You know, I'm gonna ask another one to say something, you know, I'm with, but I'll step back. And I but I've claimed it for Christ. And so um, like I said, we have a very unusual friendship. We have a very David and Jonathan friendship in a in a pure way. And it it's funny, I mean, I've already taken up so much time already about going into. I mean, the fact that when I first met him 30 years ago, I can't explain it, but I did not want to get sex. I wanted to be around him, I didn't want to be sexually involved with them. I don't know why, but I'd say at that time it was very promiscuous. Maybe I thought because I wouldn't be be free to do what I wanted to do. Um but uh I just you know wanted to be around them. And we've had a friend we're extending very 30 years of our friendship. We've lived together since 1999. And uh we've had this house since uh 2000 uh five. Okay. We moved over to Tulson in 2003 when he got a job offer. Um, so it is I look at how some things have gone in my life, like uh uh several years ago I got involved with a guy in San Francisco. And I thought I was gonna move out there. And uh that fell apart, and I praise God for that big time. That would oh, that would have I think I found out about him later. Oh, that would have been a mess. I mean, just being in San Francisco, first of all, I have no desire to be there now. So that's the word calls me and I'm not still fighting right. I made it with the belly of a great fish. And of course, uh a few years ago I actually had a boyfriend too that I was actually we're actually engaged. And yeah, this time legally, of course. We would have been legal. And that's and uh but he lived in Alabama, and so if you see me talking to people in Alabama, you know, and the such like, hey, I remember that, you know, that's because I spent some time in Alabama, yeah, w with with David. But uh fortunately, about maybe because of the distance or other things that were going on, that that just fizzled. And I can see you know how the Lord was had his hand on that, he had plans for me, and being in a homosexual marriage, because I'm no longer called marriage, would have uh would have uh been disastrous. I mean, he won't have anything with me now. I mean he did he said I was a big disappointment and uh it started attacking me big time, you know, as far as yeah, he this is somebody that's very gentle and you know kind of whippy at times, but yet for some reason he suddenly found the courage to tear into me. But anyway, because uh one of the things I also experienced was um on Facebook when I came out in July. Right. I'll help us. Really? Because I had a lot of quote unquote gay Christians, I had a lot of pagans, I had a lot of Wiccans uh um a lot of uh uh Satanists and just all kinds of people. And needs to say they just I mean one guy that was uh considers himself a gay Christian was like, Well, you know, if uh when you come to your senses, I will be I'll be here for you and uh you know, yada da da da da da da da da you know, and uh I thought, well, where are you when I found the Satan isn't? Why are you so concerned now? Right. But anyway, but you know, things like that. So news is that I lost a lot of friends and such, and 'cause some of them I aimed at parting with, you know, it was uh I love the gay Christian ministers, that sort of thing. Right, right. Uh I ended up just having to part with because uh I thought I can't, you know, play play games with that anymore. And of course I found my church and I knew when my church I knew I had to be, I'd say I go to life church uh here in Broken Arrow. I knew that when I was looking for a church, I that it cannot be affirming, you know what I mean? That by one to affirm me as far as where I am in my journey. And I got that immediately. I I immediately met up with one of the ministers, pastors when I first went.

Chris Grainger 37:13

Yeah.

Brian Cordova 37:13

Telling my story. And I was immediately welcomed. In fact, I asked about afterwards, and you know, I think you know I actually quit this quit the line at first because I thought, maybe I don't fit in here. You know, I had some concerns about it. Yeah. You know, you know, I don't have a wife, I don't have kids, I don't like to go fishing. I'll probably never be an alpha male. But I'm okay with that. I just want to be the man God wants me to be.

Baptism Again And Finding Community

Brian Cordova 37:40

You know, but I just felt like I really feel like uh because I found the lion through you version. And of course I found you version to be part of the life church. So that I'll uh, you know, and uh and uh so that's how I found the lion. And when I found I just like the I like the name. I'm just the guy who follows Jesus, and I I don't know why. My attention and I immediately wanted to find out more about it. Amen. I wanna I want to jump back a little bit. Uh I mentioned you with that in uh um that I wouldn't want to go to that satanic that Satan thing because I wanted to go to the uh I wanted to be uh unbaptized. Right. So instead, in August of last year, I was baptized again. Okay. And this time it was for real, and I knew it. There you go. Uh, because I after all I'd done everything, I just I knew immediately I had to be baptized. Yeah, I I just had to. And it was part of the most I I'm so glad to have it on video and such. And I I have a couple of pictures of one wall in my study, uh because it was and uh my baptism certificate because it was such a happy day for me. Yeah, man, that's awesome, Brian. I know, and uh uh in fact uh it's kind of funny, uh one of the gentlemen at church uh I uh sent him a text one time. I had a picture of me when I was wearing the satanic garb, you know, doing the as of below as above so below pose and that sort of thing. And I sent it to him and I've just gotten rid of it. My sister suggests I get rid of all those photos. I said, see why I want you to be baptized again? Oh yeah. I mean, I have pictures of me with the diaphragm at Boston and Salem last at the headquarters and things like that. I've gotten rid of those. But uh well, visited their peers uh three or four years ago.

Chris Grainger 39:43

Well, how has uh since joining the lion, how have you how do you feel like the guys have you know received and been and and treated you since you've come?

Brian Cordova 39:54

So far I've yet to receive a one single negative uh reaction. Yeah, I was scared. Yeah, I was scared to tell. Um and uh because uh I just you know I know it's a ticklish issue. I know it's a controversial one. But you know, I am truly repentant. I have totally renounced homosexuality. I've still struggled with same-sex attraction. Um and I'm old uh that's 67. I don't know if even if some start becoming attracted to women, I'm gonna get married to have children. Come on now. I'm not Alpacino, I don't think I'm gonna, you know, have a kid at 80 or whatever. But uh I don't I don't think it's a virtual child, first of all. Um so I don't see that happening. I mean, that's that's one of my regrets.

Chris Grainger 40:51

Yeah.

Brian Cordova 40:51

I would love I wish I had I wish I had grandchildren. Right. Uh I've got a grandpa's heart, as I mentioned uh I've said before, I have a grandpa's heart and a grand children. I'm just, you know, I'm grandpa. Um and uh but uh I uh that's uh when I've talked about uh mentioned uh having uh style attractions. Yeah, because when I deal with temptation, oh and I'm also I also have a um we call um covenant eyes on my phone and laptop. Yeah. And my very religious sister is the one who gets the messages. So and I'm actually amazed at the things I have told her too about my life since then. But things I thought I never would. Right. I as far as someone being attracted to you, I'm I remember one day I saw this young man, and I wanted to be honest with you at the gym, I'm gonna be real honest, and I hope God's gonna be kind of a creep for a second. I found myself willing to follow into the locker room. It's almost like the Lord just really came to me and said, you know, reminded me of the verse about oh when I can that curse down and

Fighting Temptation With New Habits

Brian Cordova 42:12

think of it about taking every thought a captive and making obedient to Christ. Right. That's it. And I just yeah, I I began meditating on that and I just began praying. So I'm sorry. I don't want to be a pervert, I don't want to be a creep. I don't want to be an old ledge. And I said you've saved me from that. Right. Amen, brother. Um and uh so and since then, if I do have a a wrong thought, that's where I will go to. That is my go-to. I mean, I haven't learned I won't, you know, I will not get it I will not be all ashamed of right away, I will run to the Lord. Right. Hundred percent because you know yeah, I've still got a ways to go, but I'm based to where uh the Lord's brought me from. In the past year, in fact I probably should put this on. I think I shared before how unhe how horrible I I was actually looking last year.

Chris Grainger 43:08

Hmm.

Brian Cordova 43:09

Last time I was baptized, I took a picture out of a picture and I just looked very skinny. I looked much older than I am. I just looked very unhealthy. You know, and since then, of course, uh I've quit vaping. I wasn't gonna go back to the gym. I thought I'm too old, but I rejoined the gym three months ago. And um making some good older buddies like my you know my age. And uh uh and I'm learning more to be a man. That's one of the things the line is teaching me is how to be a man. Um because I you know, um I was very there there's a lot I have out shared, but I'm not gonna go into it. But uh And we're gonna try to do and a half years. Uh one thing. I look at some of the things in my own life and it's like Lord, why am I why am I still here? I mean, that's about the major car wreck, that's about the major depression, that's about alcoholism. You know, uh got around AIDS. Yeah. Um I mean just several things. He's not done with you, brother. He's not done with you. Okay. I hope not. I but I don't think so either. But like I said this past year, yeah, I said I'm getting healthier uh mentally and physically. I can't and uh turned out my uh doctor, I didn't know that she was a pastor's wife. And she had seen me, you know, before I came to the Lord. And that was when I was looking skinny and I they were concerned about me looking all that web all of a sudden and yeah and I had such a death state of mind. And they were just amazed the next time they saw me. Like I was not the same person. I mean I was joyous, I was, you know, and uh smiling and I didn't have death in my eyes. Yeah, brother. I won the walking dead. Like I was there for a while. But uh Uh and she's like, What happened? What you know that's everybody the Lord came to me. And uh and I I following believed it as I mentioned before I don't know if I mentioned this, but I believe the Lord came to me because of my two sisters. Yeah. Oh yeah. I really do. But uh that's why I tell people uh well, don't let me forget. I won't tell tell people what to pray for in dealing with this issue. Um she was just amazing and then she told me she was a pastor's wife and we prayed together and that was just that was so cool, you know. And uh I can't wait to go see her again, but I tell her I quit vaping and the you know uh that I rejoined the gym and she's gonna be amazing how I look. I know what I'm not bragging about the way I love Fradelle because I think I look pretty good, but I'm not saying but it's not me, it's it's Jesus. I mean he he's the one that, you know, I'm I may be the one going to the gym, but he's the one that kicked my butt out the door. Right.

Chris Grainger 46:39

Amen. Well Brian, uh as we kind of head towards the end, how do you think the lion has been helpful or impactful for your walk with Christ so far?

Brian Cordova 46:50

Okay, Mr. helping me to be a man, to be more of a man, and um also learning how to love other men in a pure biblical way. Um and um that uh not not uh objectifying them or anything like that, you know, just but knowing them by heart appreciate and uh honoring their marriage. And honoring marriage altogether. That's something that else I've learned to do. Even though it never happens to me, I've learned to honor marriage and true marriage. You know, not the fake stuff we have going these days. Um and uh so it's taught me a lot in in in that regard. Um I think it's they've taught me uh that I can that I can be chill with a lot of men that I once upon a time probably would have had nothing to do with.

Chris Grainger 47:46

Yeah.

Brian Cordova 47:50

That's and I like I said I'm always a little c uh little concerned if I share something about it, but you know. But like I said, I've yet to receive anything negative. But I I don't want that to be the main thing about me, but at the same time that is a big part of my testimony.

Chris Grainger 48:05

Right.

Brian Cordova 48:06

It was a big part of my life. I wanna say real quick if I c if I can. If you somebody if you're dealing with somebody who's uh same sex attracted, if they tell you that they didn't choose it, they're all saying you're the truth. That still doesn't make it right. Right. It's a h really heavy affliction. It takes over your whole mind, your whole life. I'm gonna say do not I'm gonna say do not give up on them. Never give up on them and don't turn your back on them. Um pray for them, always pray for them. Let them know that you still love and care for them. That you're not rejecting them, because that's what they're gonna be afraid of, especially if they're if they're your kids. They're gonna be terrified of that. I was. Um and uh but never but always claim them for Christ, always claim them for Christ, do not give up claiming for Christ, keep the light Jesus over them, do whatever you have to do, just never give them up because I'm proof that prayer does work,

How To Love Without Giving Up

Brian Cordova 49:07

even if it takes forever. Amen, bro.

Chris Grainger 49:11

Well that listener, Brian, who has not taken a step to check out the lion so far as the daily SKO or the Lion Stand, what would be your encouragement to that guy to to as based off of your experience with the Lions so far?

Brian Cordova 49:25

Come on in. You'll be you'll meet a great group of guys. You'll meet um that them true guys that truly care about each other and uh what and want uh and want your best.

Chris Grainger 49:35

Amen. Amen, brother. Well, thank you for sharing your testimony, and it's been very powerful and impactful for sure, and I look forward to just continuing to walk with you at the line. It's just you're it's always fun when you're when you're at our engagements and our meetings, and uh looking forward one day. Hopefully, we'll be in the same, maybe we'll be at a retreat or something together. That'd be a lot of fun.

Brian Cordova 49:58

I know that I think you're at the uh Beyond the Villa. Yeah uh Al Clama City. So was us. But we're too bad we didn't know each other.

Chris Grainger 50:05

That's right, that's right, that's right.

Brian Cordova 50:09

We'll we'll meet up, don't you worry. I think uh that's good plans. It will, it will.

Chris Grainger 50:16

Well, guys, uh Jesus is what we say. That's right, that's right. Well, guys, we have highly encouraged by Brian. Thank you so much. Uh again, the book of the week this week, fellas, is is is our book, Unleashing the Line with the end. I got a copy right here. And I pulled this one out this week, mainly for the father hit the fatherhood section, guys, because we we're talking about I'm just a guy raising a daughter. So, yeah, lots of things in there around that fatherhood section. So go check that out, fellas. Amazon, where you can get that. We had there's even an audible version for you guys who don't like to uh to read. You know, you want to you want to hear it? Hey, we recorded it, so uh you may even recognize the voice of the guy that that recorded it. So, Brian, I do got a couple of jokes I want to run by you, man. We'll see which one uh if you're the one I'm laying for you, okay? Okay. All right, so uh the first one is uh how does serial pay its bills? Do you know? Do you know how serial pays its bills?

Brian Cordova 51:13

Uh with checks. Come on, man. That's a pretty funny there.

Chris Grainger 51:21

All right. All right, so then the second one, Brian, is what did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? So Yoda from you know Star Wars.

Brian Cordova 51:29

What did he say when he saw himself in 4K? H D M I.

Chris Grainger 51:41

So which one do you like best, Brian? Number one or number two?

Brian Cordova 51:44

I think the I think the one the funny thing is that it I think one I think the only reason Jim hates me being part of this group is suddenly I'm becoming me up with all these dad jokes. Yeah. That's

Dad Jokes Question And Wrap Up

Brian Cordova 51:55

it.

Chris Grainger 51:56

All right, guys. Well, let us know which one you like. Yeah, we put these in a poll every uh Friday, fellas, in the lions. So jump in, and that way if you vote and you and the and someone else votes wrong, you can give them a hard time, right? But anyway, those jokes are how does the serial pay its bills and it's with checks? And how does Yoda what what did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? And that's HDMI. All right, guys. So that's it. The question of the week is how are you or or how did you embrace your role as a father? So for you guys who've been wrestling through that, that's something to consider and think about. Thank you so much, brother. I mean, thank you for sharing your heart, your testimony. It's been an honor, bud.

Brian Cordova 52:35

You God bless you.

Chris Grainger 52:36

Amen. All right, guys. Check us out, the LionWithin.us website, fellas, the Daily SKO, the Lion Stand, put in your application for the mastermind, fellas, we we're starting to fill up more and more of those groups. That's how we're really walking with guys in a more uh just more direct way. So we'd love for you to check that out. Brian mentioned it already, but on the Bible app, open up the Bible app, search for the Lion Within Us. You'll see all the different plans we have there. We're we're releasing plans on a regular cadence. So I don't know, you may be encouraged by them, fellas. Uh, give us a rating and review and share this one out. I mean, this is a very special episode of the Lion. So share this one out with it with others because you never know how Brian's testimony and his courage he has to share it could make a massive impact on someone and their walk. So, guys, thanks for listening. Thanks for hanging out. Have a great weekend, and just keep on leasing the Lion Within. Trying to find genuine resources to help grow spiritually can feel overwhelming. At least it was for me. For the longest time, the support that I was looking for didn't exist. I knew I wasn't alone, and at the same time, God was leading me to take action. That's why we built the Lion Within Us community, which is simply a place for Christian men to grow together in an honest, practical way that's always rooted in God's word. We've made it simple. We have our daily spiritual kickoff for that little boost to get you going. We have Bible study focusing on discerning truth and applying it. And we have a private forum where you can speak freely amongst other guys who listen. And then we have things like Friday Ford Coupled Night, where we've got to tackle the hard items that gods are craving to talk about. But most of the things

Join The Lion Within Us

Chris Grainger 54:25

just refuse to explore these areas. So our community is about a growth mindset, intentionality, and transparency. Simply put, leave the mask at the door and come back to you. No perfect resume, just a willing heart and a desire to lead. I believe in what we've built, simply because I've seen God use it to strengthen so many men. And I'd be honored to walk alongside you. So if you're ready, visit thelinewithin.us to explore the community, start your free trial, look around, and see how this could help you lead with clarity and courage. So your journey begins here at the linewithin.us. I look forward to seeing you inside the gym.