Welcome And Why Daughters Matter

Chris Grainger 0:02

Welcome to the Lion Within Us, a podcast serving Christian men who are hungry to be the leaders God intends you to be. I'm your host, Chris Granger. Let's jump in. All right, guys, meet episode time. Let's get into it. All right. Scripture of the week this week is Psalm 127, verse 3. Behold, children are a gift of the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward. And took and look, I love that verse, fellas. I took time to unpack it in the daily, not the daily, in the SKO episode this week, the spiritual kickoff this week. Go listen to it in the one back in your podcast feed. Speaking of the daily, we do have the daily SKO. Guys, I don't know what you're waiting on. We got guys signing up for that thing every day. It's been an incredible growth. We got uh over a couple thousand guys in that daily SKO right now. Love to encourage you with it. We even give you a free gift with it. And you have access to our prayer request space where we're constantly praying on a 24-7 basis for guys so they put in a prayer request and it's instant. You put in a prayer request, I'm telling you, instantly, guys are jumping all over it to lift those prayers up. So look, if you need some encouragement, you just need someone to talk to, the linewithin.us, click on that daily SKO. Get started today, fellas. Okay. Now this one right here, we're gonna have a little bit of fun with. Because I'm just a guy raising some daughters. That's that's your boy right here. Okay, I got my little son too, but God bless me with a lot of girls. A lot of girls. Well, I got three here uh that I'm raising, and I got one in heaven uh that that's waiting on me. Uh okay, so I got some experience with this, fellas. I hope that we're gonna enjoy just thinking through this and looking. If you're just like, Chris, I don't want no daughters I'm checking out. Don't, bro, don't check out because you may have some guys in your life who have daughters, you may have some guys in your life that are gonna have daughters, and Lord, the Lord may just not have blessed you with one yet. And next thing you know, you know what, you're gonna find out these words is a girl, okay? So I've been there, it's a girl now, what, right? Uh so this uh the manual right there from the worldview standpoint for raising a daughter, uh, it changes all your ass, okay? Uh, but instead of chasing advice from the world, uh, which can really be down lead you down some dangerous rabbit trails, but buddy, uh, we gotta lean into God's word, okay? And we know God hand picks us to race these little girls, okay? So we gotta step up, we gotta trust him, and we gotta know his ways better than our ways, okay? And just remember, at the end of the day, fellas, you got this, okay? You can do this, okay? So we we talked about you know that verse uh Psalm 127 at length that that kids are a gift from the Lord, that the fruit of the womb is reward. So go back and listen to that. That that was kind of get you warmed up to the whole idea of being a girl dad. Now, we also need to think about the idea of speaking life over her, okay? Now, in Proverbs 18, verse 2021 says, Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Okay, and one thing that I've learned uh on this journey, it's been a journey of raising daughters, is this. My words, okay, carry more weight than I ever imagined. They just do, bro. They just do. Sure, I had glimpses of the truth with other relationships, you know, when I had you know, dating girlfriends, things like that, and then later now my wife. But fatherhood hooked us to a whole new level. Because the words I speak to my daughter don't just float in the air, they land in her heart. I mean, I've seen this over and over and over. They shape her confidence, they build her her her sense of worth. Like this is just what

Speak Life With Your Words

Chris Grainger 3:31

we do. And when I use words that affirms my daughters and it lifts them up, like I I see them. They stand taller, okay? They they hold their heads, their their heads up high, they're they put their their shoulders back, and it becomes their foundation for strength and courage. Like I just see that. Now, here's a here's here's the other side of the coin. When my words are harsh or my tone is sharp, man, that effect is immediate with them girls, man. It just is. They start slumping, they get dim, their voice gets quiet, they get timid, just how just how it works. So nowhere, I'm telling you, I use this analogy because I think it works. I see this work nowhere more clearly than when I'm coaching them on the ball field. And I've been able to coach coach my older daughters in softball. I'm coaching my youngest daughter right now. She started T-ball, right? So I I love coaching. Uh, and it's been one of my greatest joys, but it's also where some of the greatest lessons for me have hit home. Because every season is a blessing because I got a front row seat to watching them grow. Like this year, it was pretty sad for me. My oldest daughter's aged out of the softball leagues uh for from a recreation standpoint, and that was just kind of sad. Like, man, I really just miss being on the ball field with her and just those moments. Um, because seeing her as a player, uh, not just as a player rather, but as a young woman, right? And how she's grown and develops and and through it all uh on that field as her coach, she's always looking to me for affirmation, both both my older girls and now now my youngest. Uh, and here's the the hard part to think about as a as a man, where does a coach stop and a dad begin? Okay, right. That's hard because with other players uh it's easy because I'm always the coach, right? I'm all I'm always there. But with her, uh that that's a razor thin line when you're coaching your daughter. And I never forget one game where things did not go their way. It was just a tough game, okay? And I was in full coach mode, and I was starting to offer feedback on the ride home, uh, just like I would any player if I had that opportunity. Uh, but what she was hearing was not feedback. What she heard was criticism, and it hurt her. And then then things got tense, and and I and I remember I had to pull her to the side, and I had to get out of coach mode and look her in the eyes as dad, and remind her that before anything else, she's my daughter, and that will always come first. And my dad was uh maybe he was just better at this than me. I don't remember him being that harsh of me on the field, like like like for some reason that's just it's come out with with me and my oldest in particular. And that moment for me was a gut check. Uh, because my words weren't wrong. I was trying to help her. I was trying to help me coach her, but my timing and my tone were they were they were just misplaced. And that makes a difference, guys. It makes a difference. That's why Proverbs tells us that our words hold the power of life and death. Okay, and for daughters, that truth, it it really feels magnified because every word we speak can breathe life into their heart, or it can crush them. We don't want to do that, right? So we've got to be the men who speak life every season, on the field, off the field, wherever we find ourselves at, right? Speaking of life to her. So the questions to think about as we kind of conclude this first little thought is how do your words affect your daughter's confidence? Like how are they affecting her? And how can you affirm her after a tough day or failure? She's gonna have those. So what can you do to speak that encouragement to her? All right, guys, we're gonna take our first break, we'll come back and we'll keep digging into this topic. If you're like me, you don't need another book just sitting around collecting dust. What I enjoy is something to help guide me when my feet hit the ground in the mornings. And that is why we put together Unleashing the Lion Within. It has honest stories, scripture you can apply, and simple steps to help you lead at home, at work, and everywhere in between. So if you've been feeling stuck or scattered lately, you may find this resource encouraging. Read a few pages. Take one step and watch what God does with your obedience. Hey, and if reading's tough for you right now, no problem. The book is also available in audible version so you can listen on the go. So if this sounds interesting, check out thelionwithin.us slash book or search for unleashing the lion within directly on Amazon. So there's no pressure here, just a resource that many guys are finding helpful. So grab the format that fits and take your next step. Now, fellas, let's think about this. How can we guard our daughters' hearts and not control them? Okay, think about that. Now, Proverbs 4 tells us, watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life. So no one ever told me that choosing which battles to fight would be some of the hardest parts of being a dad. It just is, man. And I had to learn this the hard way, I really did. And looking back, I can clearly see that most of my decisions came from a deep desire to protect her heart. Okay. But what I saw as protection, she sometimes perceived as control. And then what does that create? Friction. There's a rub there, right? And a good buddy of mine, Lucas, once told me that some advice that really helped, and it really helped my how uh I engage with my kids. He told me, say, look,

Guard Her Heart Without Control

Chris Grainger 9:20

bro, connect before you correct, connect before you correct. And Lucas was right. Because those words have been a lifeline. Because raising a daughter is full of uncertain moments. One of the biggest challenges for fathers today that didn't really exist a generation ago is when and how do we introduce smartphones and and and social media to our daughters, and how do we do that in a safe manner? And right, and for me, this is where my resolve to guard her heart was really tested. Right. And honestly, uh, this was some big battles here. Big battles. Because there's the reason this battle was for me was simple. I see spiritual warfare in the world that's around us, and I see how the enemy is using these platforms to distort identity, to erode confidence, and to spread lies to our daughters. And I said, Dad, that really freaking let's just be honest, it pisses me off, fires me up. I'm done with it. Okay. And I've I I've taught it this way in the past. I wouldn't hand my daughter a loaded pistol without proper training. So why in the wide world of sports would I hand her an unlimited access to technology without preparation? It doesn't make sense, right? It just doesn't. Did I always get this right? Heck no, man, I didn't always get this right. But did I always act out of love and with the best intention? You bet you can bet your bottom dollar, yes. I did. So what I had to do is create some standards in our home, some boundaries as well, and had have some hard conversations. And quite frankly, she didn't like most of them. I'm talking about I'm the oldest right now. But my goal in those conversations was always for her to understand my heart, even if she didn't agree with it in the moment. Because here's what tears me up so many young women today equate their worth with likes, comments, followers, and they completely miss that their value is rooted in being a daughter of the king. And you start adding in some cultural lines out there that they see on a regular basis on how they should look and dress and behave, it's no wonder that our daughters are feeling pressure from every direction these days. And as dads, we gotta walk a fine line, right? Because we can't dominate their choices, but God has placed us to in their lives to help them discern and navigate with spiritual eyes. So how do you gotta all these things come together? And here's I've learned a couple of things, and maybe this is helpful to you. I hope it is. Boundaries without relationships breed rebellion. Say that again. Boundaries without relationships breed rebellion. And a home without boundaries breeds chaos. Okay, so you have to have that relationship first because you don't you wanna you don't want to just throw a boundary out and they just rebel from it. And but you gotta have inside a home, right, need those boundaries because if you don't have any boundaries, it's just gonna be chaotic. So here's a simple message from one dad to another, okay? Hear my heart here. Keep showing up. Keep showing up. Keep reminding her that you love her. Stand firm when God calls you to stand firm. You just have to. And trust that the seeds that you've been planting all along in her discipleship journey will take root. Pray that her heart stays connected to her heavenly father first and foremost. Because ultimately, that's the safest place her heart can ever be. And I've seen this fire in my oldest daughter in particular for God's word. And and and all I can tell you guys, it's nothing that that's special that I've done as a dad. I just I plant a lot of seeds and I'm trying. And look, it may not, things can turn on the dime. You never know. I just know one thing. I'm gonna keep doing all I can to let her know how awesome her heavenly father is, how jacked up at times her earthly father is, but no matter what, I love her. Right? I want all my daughters to know that. So now think about this. Where do you need to connect before you start correcting? Maybe you've been doing too much correcting lately in your home and not enough connecting. Don't miss that connection part, okay? Do your boundaries feel like love to your daughter? Does she seem as love, or does it just seem like, oh, your dad just being dead again? I get it. Okay, so just think about that. All right, guys, let's take a break. We'll be right back. It's time to stop neglecting the body that God gave you. And we're done making excuses and watching discipline slip. So we decided it's time to rebuild strength the right way. And we have our Health Stronghold Support Group, which is a dedicated space inside the Lion's Den, specifically for men who are ready to store their bodies with discipline and purpose. Look, this is not just for guys trying to lose weight. This is clear that up. 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So if you're ready to stop drifting, head over to thelion within.us. That's thhelionwithin.us, and hop inside the lion's den. Start your 30-day free trial and get started today at thelionwithin.us. Okay, fellas, let's keep digging. I'm loving this topic. Hopefully, you are too. So now we need to show her what a man of God looks like. Okay. Now Ephesians 5, verse 1 and 2, it says, Therefore, be imitators of God as beloved children and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. So now, when I think back to my childhood, which I've been able to do that a lot more lately. I've just sent I just gave my parents the uh the legacy box. I don't know if you guys have done anything like that. I shouldn't have even said the name because they're not like a sponsor or anything. Anyway, that you know what I'm talking about, where you send the videos and the pictures and they upload that stuff, right? It's awesome. So maybe because I can actually look back on my childhood and remember that. And I just think it's kind of a side note. It's sad we don't have that long-form video content anymore, right? It's just we don't have we don't set up tripods with cameras, just let them roll for hours. Man, I'm so glad

Model A Man Of God

Chris Grainger 16:38

my dad took the time to do that. But anyway, that's just a little deviation. But I've been able to look on my childhood and think about it a lot recently. And I realized how much I learned about being a man just by watching my dad, man. And I've been able to see that in these videos recently, man. I mean, it's been kind of cool. And uh he didn't send me down with a list of rules. I mean, he just he just modeled it. He just showed me. Uh he showed me what faithfulness with one woman looks like. Like he's only just my mom. That's it. He he's faithful to her. And they they they do stuff together, they enjoy being together, and and and they and he loves her. And he shows me what it what it meant. Uh he showed me, and he continues to, what it means to keep your word. And he pushed me for sure to be the best athlete as as I possibly could, but he was always there. And so when my daughter came along, my oldest, I wrestled with the question, well, what can I do that will make a lasting impact on her? You know, because my dad made a big one on me. And when it finally clicked, I started thinking about what I value most in my wife when I first met her. And and and my mom, well, I think back on my mom, she was hardworking, loyal, loving. And let me tell you one thing, raising two boys, we tested her to her limits. Okay, okay, and naturally, when I saw those same traits, my wife, I was just drawn to her. And that's when I started recognizing some of my greatest responsibilities as a father. I had to give my daughter, my daughters, a clear picture of what a man of God looks like and how he treats a woman. Why? Because one day there's gonna be some young knuckleheads coming into their life, unfortunately. And when that day comes, I want her to know. I want her to have a standard, a filter to measure them against. And I want that to be me, right? I want her to know deep in her soul that she's a daughter of a king for sure. And I want her to recognize what a Christ-centered man looks like. Why? Because she's seen one close up for a long time, day in and day out, as her father. And that means what a couple of things, a couple things need to happen. She needs to see how I love her mama. She needs to see tenderness in my words, respect with my actions. She needs to notice that I guard my heart and my home. She needs to see what I allow in and what I don't. I'm talking about content, music, language, it don't matter. She needs to see me do that. She needs to watch me control my tongue, right? Even when I'm quite frankly, worked up. And look, I'm still working on that one, but I'm making better better progress. But above all, I want her. My big thing is I pray that she sees a man who loves Jesus. That's it. And that that love for him spills over into how I treat others. Look, she's gonna see my imperfections because they're easy to see, they're very obvious. But what I pray sticks with her the most isn't the flaws, but it's my consistent pursuit of God's will. Because here's the hard truth, guys. Your daughter is gonna remind is probably gonna marry somebody who reminds her of you. Just think about that, man. Sit on that one for a few minutes. If it scares you a little bit good, good. Because it should push us towards becoming the man that we want her to look for one day. Okay, because if it's true, the more it's costing taught. Then the real simple question is, what's your daughter catching from you, bro? What's she catching from you? She doesn't need a perfect dad. She needs a dad who keeps showing up, who keeps loving well and chasing after Jesus. And that example is what's going to shape her heart. See how that works. So just think about this a couple questions. What qualities do you hope your daughter remembers the most about you? Like right now, if you were to ask your daughter what what she think about you, what's the first thing that she thinks those when she thinks when she thinks about you, what do you think? What kind of mind? And then what's one way you can better reflect a man that you would hope she sees? Just think about those, reflect on them, and then we're gonna take our last break and we'll be right back, guys. If there's one habit that can change your home, it's this when a husband prays with his wife, not because it's a magic formula, but because it recenters your marriage under God's authority and care. And let's be honest, a lot of guys want to do it, but most don't know how to start without it feeling awkward. Maybe you tried it before and it felt forced, or maybe you've never tried it because you don't even know what to say. Or maybe you're thinking, man, I'm not a pastor, I'm just a guy. And that's why we created this guide. It's our how to pray with your wife. Simple guide. It's biblical, it's practical, and it's designed to help you start praying with your wife in a way that actually feels natural. So it's a five section guide and it gives you a simple framework to get started. Okay, it makes sure everything is grounded in scripture, and it also has a powerful PDF that you can pull up whenever you need, especially when things get off, because they're gonna get off. That's normal. So this is all about reclaiming your marriage. And reclaiming the spiritual leadership reigns of your home. Because praying with your wife is one of the strongest ways to fight for unity, to build trust, and to write the ship when life starts to pull you off a course. So if you're ready, get access today at the lionwithin.usguides. That's the lionwithin.us slash guides. And start unleashing the lion within at home by leading your marriage through prayer. Guys, I hope you really enjoyed walking through this topic of I'm just a guy raising a daughter. Now we're going to talk about the power of presence. Okay. In Deuteronomy 6, verses 6 and 7, it says, These words which I'm commanding you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your son to talk to them while you sit in your house, while you walk by the road, when you lie down, and when you get up. And my last piece of advice for you guys on this topic around raising a daughter would be this. Keep showing up. Just keep showing up. Because I've lived through both extremes of fatherhood, okay? From being her hero who wants to spend every and she that's all she wants to do is just be with me. Like my little one right now, all she wants to be is just be with big guy. She called me big fella. She's like, hey, big fella. And she gets that from blue. She just wants to be with me, man. She just

Presence Beats Presents Every Time

Chris Grainger 23:26

wants to hang out with dad, man. She thinks dad is cool. Right? Then I've also been the guy that she barely acknowledges. You know, welcome to the teenage years. But no matter the season, fellas, my daughters know this, that I am there. I'm there. Okay. And that's a foundation that I have fought like crazy to build. And even when times when work would take me away, I made sure my daughters knew that their dad was love them and that he was praying for them. Okay. And there's a lot of pressure these days on dads to create like these Instagram worthy or Facebook worthy experiences, right? And like if we're not taking uh kids on epic trips or having these lavish gifts we're pouring out to them, we feel like we're falling short. I'm just telling you right here, like, I'm I want to set you free from that lie. That's a lie from the pit of hell, bro. Right. You're not gonna find a proverb that says, Thou shalt visit Disney to validate the love for thy family. It don't work that way. No, it doesn't. Yeah. Okay. Here's what I've learned. My daughter doesn't need me to give her the world. She needs me to give her my time. Because in her eyes, time spells love. They're equal. That's how she equates it. And that's the one thing, if we think about it, and don't think about too much, it'll start to make you start crying. But that's the that's the one thing that slips away faster than anything else. Right? And because I can close my eyes right now and still think back and remember distinctly what it was like holding my oldest for the first time. And now those baby years are gone. And I'm telling you, time flies and you never get it back. So if you're a new dad or you you're you're trying to reconnect with your daughter, like wherever you're at, bro, enjoy every moment. Yeah, there are gonna be tears. Right? I'm telling you, I had when I was writing this stuff up together, I had tears in my eyes writing a lot of this. But there's also gonna be a lot of laughter hopefully tons of it. But through it all, please remember that your presence matters more than any present you could ever give. Your presence is what matters. Because God didn't call you to be a perfect dad. He calls you to be a present one, okay? And and and she doesn't need Disney, she needs daddy, okay? So if you want to take her to Disney, fine. That's just not again, I got I I could probably go on the whole rant against against why we don't know Disney, but I'm not gonna go there. I just want to tell you, man, she needs you, bro. She just needs you. She needs to see that you love her, she needs to see you lead her, and she needs to s have you point her towards Christ. Is this difficult? Heck yes. Is it impossible? Absolutely not. Not on God. So please, man, show up, stay present. And remember, this is what she needs. And she handpicked you. I mean, he, God handpicked you to be her dad. So think about what distractions, I don't know what what distractions are keeping you from being f fully present right now. And if you were to ask your daughter right now, without question, does she know that you're there for her? Like, would there be any hesitation if you said, Hey, do you think I do you know that I'm there for you? Would she hesitate in the least? She's if she would hesitate, okay. What do you need to do to course correct? Course correction is available. It's not gonna always be easy, but it's possible. Okay. So just guys, I hope we've enjoyed this. I mean, we gotta be thinking about how we're embracing the role of being a father. I I just enjoy putting these things together. Please, if you know someone who's a girl who is a girl dad, or who's got daughters, or maybe he's getting ready to have a daughter, or maybe they're even older daughters, share this out there with that guy. Just what you know, you can hit the little share button on your podcast, whatever you listen to, Spotify, Apple, Pandora, it doesn't matter. Whatever you're you can share the podcast out. Share it with a fellow brother in Christ who has a who has his daughters in his life. Because there may be something here that's there's nothing here that's gonna be earth-shattering, but I my hope is just to speak some and cursing it to the brother, man. I mean he may be having a hard time. Maybe he's got a prodigal daughter. He just he doesn't know what to do. Hopefully, there's some things here that just picks him up, helps him know that you know what,

Share The Plan And Keep Showing Up

Chris Grainger 27:54

even if things didn't turn out quite the way you would hope, never give up, man. Never give up on your daughter. Okay, the evil one wants you to, but we know better than that, don't we? So look, if you need help, if you need encouragement, if you need support, the lionwithin.us, join the lion's den. We've got support groups in there, we've got guys in there who are ready to come alongside to encourage, to equip, to speak life into you. It's just what we do with the Lion within us, okay? So the LionWithin.us is where you find all our resources, guys. Daily Spiritual Kickoff, the Lion Stand, the leadership mastermind. But this plan, what we just went through in this podcast specifically, is a plan on the Bible app. So you could follow us on the Bible app, start this plan, and maybe send this out to a couple buddies and do the plan together. And it gives you some prompts for conversation. Gives us some things to think about. How about this one, man? This is crazy. I just thought about this. Do it with your daughter. Take the Bible plan off the Bible app and say, Hey, I want to do this little plan with you. It's only five days, so just take a week, walk through the plan with your daughter. If you your daughter has already drawn, raised, maybe she's a mama now. I guarantee you she would love if you say, Hey, I'd like to do this with you. This it could bring up conversation conversations and memories that you guys haven't talked about in years. But take the opportunity and do it with her, right? Just where whether she's five or or fifty-five, it don't matter. Just ask her. Guarantee she'd love to do something with her dad, okay? So hopefully you're encouraged. Hopefully you're smiling right now. If you think about it, maybe you got a tear in your eye because maybe you feel like you you miss more than you hit. Don't let that evil one start spreading these lies of condemnation into you, okay? There's there's always opportunity to just speak that life into her. So take the action, fellas. The lionwithin.us, where you find us. Ratings review help big time for sure. Friday, we're gonna have our member spotlight. Looking forward to sharing that with you guys. Other than that, just have a great day. Have a great day. Smile, spread some good news with others, you know, be a light in your community. Just uh hold your head out, okay? All right, fellas, get after it. Thanks for hanging. Just keep on leashing. Go I am with that. It's time to stop battling pornography, lust, and temptation alone. We're done sitting on the sidelines, seeing shame win, and hearing from guys that are fighting private wars with no backup. So we decided it's time to fight back. We have our sexual integrity support group, which is a confidential space inside the lion's den for men who are ready to step into the light and pursue real freedom. This isn't just for guys in crisis, by the way. It's for any man who's tired of the cycle, who's tired of living in secret, who's tired of saying this is gonna be the last time. Look, most guys don't need another app or some rules. They need some brothers to come alongside them to say you're not the only one. This doesn't define you. And freedom is possible. So look, inside our group, you're gonna find a confidential, judgment-free forum to engage and ask

Support Groups And Next Steps

Chris Grainger 31:05

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