Chris Grainger 0:02

Welcome to the Lion Within Us, a podcast serving Christian men who are hungry to be the leaders God intends you to be. I'm your host, Chris Granger. Let's jump in. All right, guys, meet episode time. Let's get into it. Okay, so the scripture of the week this week is 2 Timothy, 1 chapter, verses 8 and 9. It says, Therefore, do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord or of me, his prisoner, but join with me in suffering for the gospel, according to the power of God, who saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was granted to us in Christ Jesus from all eternity. So, guys, love those verses right there. Powerful stuff from the Apostle Paul. Go back, listen to the spiritual kickoff episode if you missed it. It should be the last one in your podcast feed. I took some time to unpack those verses at length. So hopefully you guys enjoy that. We also do a spiritual kickoff Monday through Friday at the Lion Within Us. So this is every morning we do it live. You can join us for free. We even have it now set up, fellas. If you joined the daily spiritual kickoff, there's a free gift we give you. So you can join the daily SKO, claim your free gift. You even have access to our prayer request space. We do a weekly prayer, uh prayer warrior huddles, what we call it every Monday. So if you just need prayer or just like to have something lifted up on your behalf, hey, just let us know how we can serve you in that arena. And don't forget the free gift, man. Just go claim it. It's a free it's a fun thing that we love to send you. Uh, you get it in the mail. This is not some fluffy thing. This is something I think you're actually going to enjoy. So the daily spiritual kickoff, thelionwithin.us.

Scripture And Community Invites

Chris Grainger 1:43

That's the lionwithin.us, is how you claim that, guys. Okay. All right. Got a fun one here, buddy. And I want to give a quick shout out to my brother Rob. Uh, Rob Williams, love to death. He connected me with this guest. This guest name is Mark Delaney, fellas. And we're going to have a conversation about purpose. Uh, he had Mark is a purpose-driven author and a speaker who really focuses on helping men gain clarity and live with conviction. I mean, this is a big deal. He's he started this thing called the purpose mastermind, which is awesome. He's guided more than 500 people through a structured experience designed to move them from confusion and quiet dissatisfaction to a confident leader. I mean, this is what it's all about. So he believes that men aren't lazy or unmotivated. No, they're just unclear. And unclear means they hesitate, right? But clear men, the way Mark's going to share, share with you today, clear men take action. So he's got books, he's got podcasts, he has experiences, the things he helps he helps guys with. He challenges us to stop endlessly analyzing our past and the problems, and instead start building a future. We're talking about marriage, we're talking about work, we're talking about career, we're talking about calling. So, this is a great conversation. You're gonna have a lot of fun with my buddy Mark Delaney. Mark, welcome to The Lion Within Us. How are you doing today, brother? Thank you, brother. It's a wonderful day in Oklahoma. There you go. That's true. I've got you in Oklahoma, man. I love it out there. I've only been there once. I had a really good time when I went out there. We went to uh OKC.

Mark Delaney 3:18

Yeah. Yeah, I'm a fan. We love it out here.

Chris Grainger 3:21

Heck yeah. You guys got a pretty good basketball team, too.

Mark Delaney 3:25

You know, I'm not a fan.

Meet Mark And Define Purpose

Mark Delaney 3:27

Uh like my dad grew up in Cleveland, so we've been settled being a Cleveland fan our whole life. Oh, okay. But the team is very good. Yeah. Thunder are a good team. Are you a basketball fan?

Chris Grainger 3:39

I just like sports. I usually mute it because I can't stand the commentary, but uh I just like sports and just seeing people excel and pursue what kind of we're gonna be talking about today, the purpose that they have and being really good at it. So anyway, before we get into it though, man, share something fun about you, Mark, that maybe not many people know about.

Mark Delaney 4:01

You know, I love playing disc golf, I love pickleball. Okay. Uh and recently uh a brother challenged me to swim. Uh, not not just it's called full immersion swimming, where your head is underwater most of the time and you just bring your head to the side to breathe in. And uh did not grow up being a swimmer. Um, honestly, when he he texted me and he said, Hey, let's get together. And I was like, sure. And him and I, we like to get together and do something. Like we can talk while playing, and so let's go to the gym and work out or play disc golf. And yeah, he said, let's go uh let's meet at the Y. I want to show you a swimming technique. And I was like, Rhett, that is the dumbest thing one man has ever offered another man.

Chris Grainger 4:48

Right.

Mark Delaney 4:49

And he's and he's an Iron Man competitor, and I am the opposite of an Iron Man competitor, whatever you want to say that is. So we go to their pool, and he throws me some goggles and shows me this form. I made it about 10 feet in the pool, and it was terrible, emotionally, physically, spiritually, you name it. It was, I told him, I said, Brett, this is the most awkward thing I've ever done. And uh we finished, he did his stuff, and I just kind of froliced around and and uh I went to give him his goggles back, and he said, No, you keep them. And that's his way of iron sharpening iron challenging me. And so as much as I hated it, I I've been in the pool three times a week for eight weeks now, and uh I

Swimming Into Weakness And Growth

Mark Delaney 5:41

got 12 feet, I got to 14 feet, I got to 16 feet, and now I can do, you know, the other day I did 14 laps, you know, back and forth in the pool and uh gotten just leaps and but it's been such a growth opportunity for me. Um I almost want to say life-changing because there's something so profound about facing weakness we have that I have found really helps us move forward. We we tend to like to do everything we're good at. I personally think we should do something we're not good at because it helps us to grow. So that's the swimming thing. If you find me in Oklahoma these days, it's probably at the Y of the pool.

Chris Grainger 6:27

That's really cool, man. That's really cool. I've never done the swimming thing either, and I got some buddies who did that to try triathlon stuff, and I'm with you. I could probably do the bike and the running, but I'm a I'm just not built to swim well. But maybe that's just because I've had put that limited mindset on myself. But anyway, man, congratulations, keep leaning into it, and I'm excited for this conversation because you you talk about something that not many people, particularly many guys, even think about. You and you really, this is where she built everything is around purpose and helping people understand that and and and maybe what what started you to do work in this area of purpose for people?

Mark Delaney 7:09

It it it was it wasn't my objective, it just came out of our life. It came out of my life because the first 47 years of my life, my life was oriented around my problem. And I I only saw myself as a person in the context of my problem. I forgot to orient my life around the context of my purpose, or you might say, calling. And so every day my mentality was, what's wrong with me? How do I get rid of my problem? It wasn't every day, how can I live up my calling? And it was an exhausting way of living. And uh after years and years of years of thinking I needed to fix myself, what I found in Christ was freedom. And that freedom caused me to go, oh, wait a minute. Uh, there's something for me to do with my life. And it's not to wake up and fix myself, it's to wake up and pursue Ephesians 2.10, the good works that that he's designed for me to do. And I get to do that every day. And that's exciting.

Chris Grainger 8:22

Yeah. Amen. And I mean, uh the fact that you get to do that every day, I mean, how how did that start for you? You know, when you started to, okay, I want to go down this path, you know, did it how did how did you say, okay, what's the first step I can take in order to pursue this to help people discover their purpose?

Mark Delaney 8:44

You know, there was never there was never a master plan. And uh and if this is

Leaving Comfort To Live Free

Mark Delaney 8:50

could be a deep conversation. The work I do with people, I don't consider to be my purpose. It's just one, it's just one of the ways I live out my purpose. Um it really began. I was a teacher for many years at a Christian school, but I felt like the walls were closing in. Honestly, who I was as a man was a man who was living for comfort and security. I just wanted to keep my job, keep my reputation, but as a man, I was more so flatlining or descending, and I could feel it. It wasn't good. I wasn't, you know, you you speak of the lion within. Uh there was a lion in the bottom of my heart that was about one inch tall, but it was under a blanket. And my life, my life did not need the lion to do anything. I I gave no reason for my the lion inside of me to roar. Because I was just living to be comfortable. I was living for my reputation. I teach at this great school. I hope you're impressed. But honestly, as a man, I didn't like anything about me. But I have this job at this school, and I hope you're impressed. That's all I got. And I wrestled for a couple years in this job I was in, really wrestling with myself. And a man gave me a book uh actually called Chase the Lion. And the first line of the book, man. Great book. It is. Well, the first the first line of the book, this is where it all started for me. It said, Stop living as if the goal of life is to arrive at death safely. And I was at I was at the gym on the treadmill. I read it again, and next to me was my wife, and I handed her the book, and I said, read that first line. And uh she read it and I said, I'm leaving the school. And the next day I called the administrator and said, This is my last day. I'm I'm leaving. And uh that's where it all began for us. It wasn't a it wasn't a desire, you know, I want to go be a life coach. I don't want to be a life coach. I it wasn't a desire to be an entrepreneur, I don't care about that. It wasn't desire a desire to start a nonprofit business we have. That I don't care about that. It was within me, I see now was a desire to live free and on purpose. Instead of living in this fake little uh persona where I'm just trying to pretend my way through and hide my problem as best I can. Inside of me was a desire to be free. And when I left that job, it began a journey of um really finding freedom. And from that, things just happened. I I don't I don't think our walk with Christ is this planned journey. I think it's a powerful journey.

Chris Grainger 12:00

Right. I I'm s I mean getting started, stepping away from a job that had a sounds like it had a lot of security. Provided that that that that revenue flow that quite frankly we need, you know, to to maintain, you know, and and to keep the bills paid and things like that. I mean, how how did you manage that for the first couple months or or two things got flowing?

Mark Delaney 12:28

It was really the first couple of years. I I did handyman work.

Chris Grainger 12:32

Okay.

Mark Delaney 12:33

And and I was a guy, think about this. I was a guy that, like I said, I didn't like anything about me. But I did have that job at the great school. So if you and I met, I could say, yeah, my name is Mark. I teach at this school. And that was kind of my only thing I could hang my hat on. Well, now I don't have that. And I do need money, so I do handyman work and fix a fence or uh build a playset or paint someone's kitchen. And I tell you, it worked on me as a man, that part of the journey, because I was embarrassed. Looking back, I was honestly embarrassed. Like I can't tell anybody what I did today. If someone asked me, what well, what are you doing for work? Oh, uh, I fixed a fence today. And I tell you, I needed that journey, Chris, because it worked on my pride.

Chris Grainger 13:29

Yeah.

Mark Delaney 13:29

It it worked on how I looked at life and work. It took me two years. I can remember being on a ladder painting someone's house, thinking about these thoughts of because I think we all want our life to count.

Chris Grainger 13:47

Yeah.

Mark Delaney 13:47

And I'm painting this house and the wrestlings as doing handyman work of like, is my life counting? Am I am I doing something that matters? And after two years of wrestling as a handyman, I had this thought on a ladder one day. And that was simply this. My purpose is to help people. And I'm doing it right now. On this ladder, painting a house for somebody, I am doing my purpose. If I'm facing someone's fence, I'm doing my purpose. If I'm building a playset for a family's kids, I'm doing my purpose. Oftentimes with purpose, we think it has to be this one specific thing that we create. But really, what I learned about life is purpose is something inward. It's it's the it's how it's how God's designed us to look at life. It's how we show up. And so for a lot of people, we think, you know, I need to quit my job to go find purpose. I think actually, purpose is not found in our jobs. Purpose is found in how we show up in our jobs. Most people don't need to change jobs. They need to change how they look at their jobs. And so I don't know if I got off track or answered your question, but but that revelation for me, and now I believe when I heard a, I think it was a rabbi said, that all work is the same. We're all using our gifts and talents to serve God's people and God's creation. And so, although the work I do today is going into a prison and talking about purpose, we built a nonprofit so we can help people that don't have money to go through these conversations about freedom and purpose. And we I I write and do some speaking. None of that, none of that is my purpose. It's just ways that I get to live it out. But I honestly think I would be just as happy being a reader at Walmart, uh, as long as I could talk to people as much as I wanted to. Um because I don't I don't see purpose being the occupation we do. It's just how we show up in whatever occupation we do.

Chris Grainger 16:11

Right. Love it, love it. Guys, we're gonna take our first break and come back with Mark. If you're like me, you don't need another book just sitting around collecting dust. What I enjoy is something to help guide me when my feet hit the ground in the mornings. And that is why we put together Unleashing the Lion Within. It has honest stories, scripture you can apply, and simple steps to help you lead at home, at work, and everywhere in between. So if you've been feeling stuck or scattered lately, you may find this resource encouraging. Read a few pages, take one step and watch what God does with your obedience. Hey, and if reading's tough for you right now, no problem. The book is also available in audible version so you can listen on the go. So if this sounds interesting, check out thelion within.us slash book or search for unleashing the lion within directly on Amazon. So there's no pressure here, just a resource that many guys are finding helpful. So grab the format that fits and take your next step. Mark, I'm curious when you start having these conversations around purpose, like what's the what's the starting point? Like where do you where do you like to just begin to get people thinking they're on the right track that leads to the conversations and the areas of exposure that you know are going to be transformational for them?

Mark Delaney 17:43

In our in our guidebook, we have this page that we start with where it's a guy in the forest, and there's a whole bunch of thoughts

Purpose Shows Up In Any Work

Mark Delaney 17:54

uh in these, in these, in this forest. Thoughts like, I want something to live for. What am I supposed to do? I want to make a difference, but how? I've messed up my life. And we sit we simply turn to that page and we ask people, whether it's a group setting or personal setting, what things stick out to you? And what we're honestly what we're careful to do when we begin with people is we don't ask them what their their problem is. Uh oftentimes people come to us with things like addiction or marriage problems, parenting problems. Um people tend to think the conversation is going to be about what the problem is. When actually underneath it's something far greater. So we begin basically the first question I ask people is this what do you want from life? Because many people like myself, we spend our whole life thinking about our problem that we need to fix. And that way of thinking is probably

The First Question To Ask

Mark Delaney 19:04

it's probably built a prison cell around our life. Because we tend to live our life fixated on our problem and thinking, okay, when I get rid of this problem, I'll get out of this prison. And this is how I find many people think. It's how I thought for so many years. And with that thinking, the prison only becomes stronger. The bars become wider. And what we want people to do the journey we want to take people on is to realize over the course of these conversations, the prison, the prison door is not locked. The prison wasn't even created by your problem. The prison was created by how how we think about our problem. That as soon as I got this problem, I stopped thinking I could do something for God. And as soon as we got our problem, we think, well, now I need to fix myself for God. Jesus came to do the the the freedom work that brings about the eventual fixing. But we tend to think when I get out of this prison cell, so in our beginning conversations with people, we don't ask them to spill the beans on their problem. We ask them to open their heart and think about what God's called you to do in this world.

Chris Grainger 20:39

That's super interesting. So, I mean, and from that conversation. So I guess the difference what you're focusing really more on spiritual transformation, not just behavior modification like what most guys are thinking about now. I just gotta fix, I just gotta do this. I mean, can you un unpack how that goes?

Mark Delaney 20:55

Yeah. Well, it's exciting. I I remember a story here in my office. A friend of mine reached out to me and he said, I have a friend who is uh probably suicidal. He can't stop drinking. Um and I said, Can you bring him to my house tonight? And he brought him to my house, and the man walked in the door, and uh it was a first-time meeting, and and I said, I had this thought in my head. Because when I when I think about helping men, I'm always looking to engage them in purpose. Right. Not engage them more in their problem because they're plenty engaged in their problem. They've been trying to stop drinking for years. They hate that they drink. I they need to be engaged in a whole different thought process. And he walked in and I said, James, here's what we can do. You and I we can go on, we can go on the back porch and make a fire and have a conversation. Where I said, if you want, we can go to my office, uh, get in front of the microphones and record a podcast. About our conversation, because I said, James, whatever you need to say, a million men need to say. Anything that you need to hear, a million men need to hear. So what do you want to do? And he said, I'll record the podcast. And to me, this is the kind of

Breaking The Prison Of Problem Thinking

Mark Delaney 22:20

uh focus that changes men. Because most men, deep down inside of them, I believe the lion, and of course, as you would say, I'm sure, the lion is the calling of God within us that wants to do something. So he said yes to recording a podcast. We had a conversation. He touched on the drinking a little bit. And I asked him this question, James, what does your heart want from life? And there was a long pause. And he said, I don't know. And my question to him then was, James, what do you think is a bigger problem? A man who drinks too much? Or a man who's forgotten what his heart wants from life. Because here's my thinking, Chris, and I learned this in my own life. A man must have a calling that's bigger than his problem. Or his problem will only get bigger. And so many men are just, and don't get me wrong, we don't avoid the topic of the problem because confessing, confessing your problem is massive. It's biblical. It is, you can't avoid that. We get into that about four weeks into our conversations. But my first thought is not to see if I can dive into their problem. My first thought is I need this guy to open up his eyes and look at the whole world and see a far different perspective of his life. Because so many people for years have been thinking, change myself, fix myself, stop eating too much like me, stop drinking too much, stop going to the casino, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So much so that our mind is full of nothing but fear. And honestly, we've become so selfish. Like thinking about your problem is a selfish way of existing. And so to get people to, but you can't think about purpose without thinking about two powerful components in your life. One is God, and two is other people. But when we think about our problems, we tend to think most about two things that should be far down the ladder. One is, of course, our problem. Well, I'm going to try not to eat a donut today. I'll try not to drink today. Not very inspiring. And the second thing we think about a lot is just ourself. And it's hard to move forward when the heart is ruminating around ourselves and our problem instead of letting our mind and our heart be alive with God and people and our purpose.

Chris Grainger 25:32

Right. This is a I'm just trying to think the guys that you meet with. I can almost see this being a daunting exercise because it's not the typical way that we're told to approach life. You know, and and so asking them to step back and not look at a problem. We're not trying to because guys are problem solvers, let's just face it. It's guys love to solve problems. So how do you get them past that initial hurdle? Because I can almost say that that's a hard hurdle to get them to even get them in the right mindset to have to be able to begin to have the conversation.

Mark Delaney 26:12

Well, the conversations are fun. Like it is, it's actually exciting. It's like nights of the round table. Is it? Oh, it totally is. They are, it's very exciting. Listen, I th I think the I think the design of God for our lives is so simple, so powerful. I think we make it so complex and so scary because honestly, ever since Adam and Eve, they were naked and unashamed and bold about life and bold about each other. And as soon as as soon as sin entered the world, they go and hide in the bushes and lose complete focus on who they were made to be. I mean, and I think this is exactly what happens in our lives. Adam and Eve, Adam and Eve, they were like, I'm good with God. I'm good with you. And I'm good with me. And then in in a moment they went to, oh, I'm not good with God. I'm not good with you. I'm not even good with me. And we live in that bush. And you listen, Chris, I don't I don't care. It's it is, of course, difficult, honestly, to get any human being to engage in the real conversations about life that we should all have. Like to me, it's like like it's to me, it's the easiest conversations to have about life of, hey, let's meet together and talk about why we exist. Like, to me, it's so fun. And once people do get in, it is fun. Like, there's it's not like it's not like deep complex psychology. It's not deep complex counseling where we put put labels on people of what they are. It's just like it's like removing all the clouds of confusion that have slowly just engulfed our lives over the course of childhood and adulthood. It's like removing all of them and saying, wait a second. Can I just do Ephesians 2.10? Can I just stand up and declare to my world that I'm the workmanship of God and He's designed good things for me to do in this world, and I get to go do it? Can I just do that?

Chris Grainger 28:45

Yes, you can using God's word the way it's meant to be. So I mean, um, so from from there, where have you seen the biggest impact in the people that you've worked with who finally start recognizing maybe the the the light bulb moment, the aha moment, whatever you want to call it. Like what I'm sure that brings you a ton of fulfillment and joy, but what does it look like when the when people when it when they finally get that?

Mark Delaney 29:17

Let me tell you about Jacob. Okay. Jacob went to that school that I taught at, and I knew him a little bit. Jacob was the perfect human. Like anyone who was at that school at that time would agree. Jacob was the perfect human. His hair, his attitude, his behavior, his grades, like he checked all the boxes. He he was um well known for some skills he had at our school that really helped with like school assemblies and stuff. And like he was just he was perfect. Yeah. Um he sent me an email when he was 22 years old. And he said, Ever since I've left that school, he said, I've been addicted to food and gaming and pornography. I've tried everything to stop. And he said, the last two years I've been depressed and suicidal. He's at a place where he doesn't want to leave his parents home. He was even too ashamed of himself to respond to friends on text messages. Even that was too personal. He'd become so isolated. At the end of the email, he said these words. He said, I'm tired of hiding. And I responded to him and I said, We're gonna meet. We're gonna meet once a week. And uh, but I said, We're not gonna talk about gaming, we're not gonna talk about food, we're not gonna talk about pornography or depression

Real Stories Of Action And Change

Mark Delaney 30:58

or suicide. We're gonna talk about your purpose. And we met once a week and went through these conversations. We never dug into those things. I never asked him about those things. Never. I went through conversations about his purpose and part of the process. We talk about really the story of humanity, which is whether you want to talk about Adam and Eve and losing their freedom or the prodigal son's journey that we're all on. And we walk through those conversations and he just begins to take action. I think it was our third week that we met. He said, I met with my friends this week, which is for him a massive deal. He met with his friends. He left the house and met with friends. And by the end of our conversations, he had applied for a job out of state using his skills, I believe, at a Christian uh campground. He had applied for something out of state. And he got that job. I think it was two months later, he moved. And last I heard, he's married and working at a church now. Those are the kind of stories I think of. Where men, when a man realizes, do you mean I can stop trying to fix myself? Uh, you better stop trying to fix yourself and instead go start loving your neighbor. And see what that does. See what happens when you start using your power to love people instead of trying to use your power against yourself. Those are the kind of things we wrote a book about this called In the Game. It's the story, it's the stories of men who found their way back in the game because a lot of men, as kids, you play sports and you feel so alive. You're like running, jumping, playing. You got teammates and coaches. You feel like you're in something. Yeah. Then you become a man, and you're like, I don't feel like I'm in anything. You don't have teammates, no coaches. And we just flail around. It's the story of how men get back in the game. And there's one guy, great man named Kyle. He was struggling with alcohol and drugs, and this was even prior to me getting involved in his life. He said, You know what got me off alcohol? He said, I just started to volunteer and serve everywhere I went. Kyle's a simple guy, powerful man. He specifically bought a couple of tools for his car for changing tires. And he said, I decided that wherever I went, if I saw someone on the side of the road that had a tire that was out, I was going to stop and help them. And he be, instead of trying to get him, he said, I didn't try to stop drinking. Instead, I started to serve. Yeah. To show up and serve people. And I feel like when we try as human beings to stop wrong behavior, we are missing what Christ did in us and for us. And we're trying to do it for ourselves. Right. And so the freedom is found. The freedom is found in not fixing our behavior, but it's embracing the call of God upon our lives to do something far greater than our problem.

Chris Grainger 34:45

Right. Amen. Amen. Guys, we're going to take our last break. We'll come back with more. Let's just say it out loud. Marriage is one of the greatest gifts that God can give a man. And one of the most consistent places where we can feel unsure of what we're doing. Even the strongest marriages have moments where you look at your wife and you think, you know what? I love you. I'm so committed to you. But right now, I have no idea what I should do next. And that's why we launched something new inside the Lion Within Us community. It's our very first support group. And it's for husbands. And we're calling it committed and occasionally confused. This isn't just a place for men in crisis. Though if you're there, hey, you're welcome. This is for any man who refuses to coast and wants to take his marriage from good to great. So inside you'll find an active chat and a feed, honest conversations, and brotherhood that says, you're not alone. We've been there. Let's bring this to God and grow. And we're also doing a monthly couples night where your wife is invited because we're not letting the world set the agenda for our homes. Now, if you want access to this support group, it's very simple. Go to thelionwithin.us and join the Lions Den. Okay, that's thelionwithin.us. Start your 30-day free trial of the Lions Den community, and boom, you have instant access to the committed and occasionally confused support group. We'll see you inside the den. So, Mark, I'm curious from your standpoint, for guys that are listening, particularly guys that are married, and maybe speak from your own experience here. What could you expect? So what has been

Marriage Support Group Invitation

Chris Grainger 36:29

your experience with your marriage and pursuing your purpose? How how has that shown up or strengthened your marriage? How has it worked? Just always love to tie our wives into these conversations as well because I know that can be a major either a hesitant for guys to move forward or do things, or it could be a uh a motivator for them. So just kind of speak to the guy who's married and how that pursue your purpose could make an impact there.

Mark Delaney 36:57

Yeah. We talked to a couple that came to our house. It's been a couple years ago. We didn't know them. Someone sent them our way. Christian couple. They come to our house and we start a conversation. And within five minutes, these two people are cussing like sailors at each other. And we're just like taking it in, you know. Um, they talked for a little bit, and we sat, we sat down and I said, I looked at him and I said, This is not about your marriage. All of this is not about your marriage. It's about whether or not you're gonna be the person that God made you to be on planet Earth before you die. I looked at her, I looked at her and said the same thing. This is not about your marriage. This is about whether or not you're gonna be the woman you're made to be on planet earth before you die. So he decided to go through the purpose work with me, and she did the same

Redemption Over Rehashing The Incident

Mark Delaney 37:58

with him. But the next week is when they finalized their divorce. There was also my first meeting with him. And uh Adina began working with her, and the focus wasn't on marriage, the focus was on what's really happened in the story of your life. Who have you become as a person, and who were you made to be? I'll get back to the story in a minute. The way I see marriage problems is kind of like the marriage problems Adam and Eve had. Something happened and it changed how they saw each other. It changed how they saw themselves. And it changed how they saw God. Much of very much how it works for people today as well. Something goes wrong, and we go, and our perspective changes. Marriage counseling is oftentimes fighting for years about the Apple incident. And we can all fill in the blank whatever our incident is in our marriage. Ultimately, it doesn't matter what it was. The pathway of redemption, Christ, Jesus offers a pathway of redemption, which is far better than fixing. Because we can't fix. Like, we can't go back in time and unwind what happened. But redemption brings a complete renewal to maybe a marriage that was more than we ever had. But the more we the more that we try to fix the apple incident, I think about Adam and Eve. If you knew Adam and Eve, and one day, you know, let's just imagine you're at Adam and Eve's place, and they're naked and unashamed and enjoying life, and you go back the next day, and Adam's over there in the bushes with these weird leaves on his body. And Eve's over here in the bushes with these weird leaves about her body. If you were to talk to either one of them, they'd be like, Well, this apple thing and she did this, and you could have heard, well, this apple thing, and he. And we could argue about that. We could go back and forth in the bushes about the apple incident for years. The problem is no longer the apple incident. The problem is that we have lost the version of ourselves that God made us to be. And the longer we focus on the apple incident, the bigger those bushes become, and the bigger our fig leaves become. What people need is freedom to once again be renewed to the people they were made to be, which changes everything. Like if Adam and Eve found the pathway to freedom to go back to being naked and unashamed and not having to hide in the bushes and wear these fig leaves. I think if they found freedom, they'd be like, I don't care about the Apple incident anymore. I have a life to live. Right. And so this couple that I mentioned who went through their work, and there again, Adina and I, my wife, we don't get credit. We didn't, we don't fix people. We just help people have conversations where they can be reminded of God's design for themselves. And we just we just have conversations to help in the process. This couple, uh, a couple of months later, we went to uh the church we were at because they were getting remarried uh up in the balcony where they normally sit with their community of friends that were getting remarried. And they began and still live today, a marriage that they never had before. They didn't fix something that went wrong. They found something they never had. And frankly, I think that is the thing that every marriage needs that that's fine that's come to a difficult time. It's what every individual needs. We don't need to fix what's gone wrong with our life. We need to find the life that God designed for us.

Chris Grainger 42:27

Amen. What do you think would be your message to a man? What would change in his life the most if he started living from that identity which you've been talking about, and not the insecurity that we all carry with us every day?

Mark Delaney 42:43

Yeah. Uh I wrote a book about this called One Step to Freedom. And I don't I don't like writing. I can write. I had to write this book because of how I felt after I finally stopped trying to fix myself. And I spent four years writing it because of the transformation I felt as a man, that I no longer have to see my life from the prison cell of what's wrong with me. Like I left that prison cell of thinking and realized I can leave my problem in the prison cell. I can leave. Like I can leave, and I can, and I can begin to live my life ruminating on God's calling and how I can love people instead of ruminating all the time on what I hate about myself. That's what I would say to any man. It's like, I don't care what's happened in a man's life, how broken down it's become. There's a whole different way of living that happens through freedom in Christ. Christ not fixing. Right.

Chris Grainger 44:03

And any man can experience it. Well, Mar, this has been just a phenomenal unpacking this. Before we wrap up, we'd love to have a little fun lightning round with you. If you're willing to play, we'll just jump in and have some fun. Okay, let's do it. Cool, man. Well, you mentioned swimming, so you can't use swimming for this answer. Okay, we'll go ahead and take that off the table. So uh what's another hobby that you enjoy doing for fun?

Mark Delaney 44:31

Uh probably today for an hour. I'll go play pickleball at lunchtime. Pickleball? Okay. How long have you been doing that? Uh probably three years.

Chris Grainger 44:39

Okay. So be careful. So I I broke my ankle pretty bad last July. It was nasty. So I got to be really good buddies with the orthopedic surgeon. And she was telling me that uh that has been a big impact to her business as pickleball clients. So just be careful out there, brother.

Mark Delaney 44:59

Yeah. It makes sense.

Chris Grainger 45:01

It's what everyone's doing. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. Apparently it's uh people get a little aggressive out there on the court. So just have fun with it. Yeah. Now you're in Oklahoma. Where are you from originally, Mark? I'm from Muncie, Indiana. Indiana. All right. So so an Indiana guy living in Oklahoma, that that's right in the heart of the country. What's your go-to meal, man? Like what if you can sit down, you and your wife, and what do you what do you what are you putting on the table?

Mark Delaney 45:28

You know, right now I am really uh passionate about living, about eating clean. Okay. Um, but clean doesn't mean I'm eating Brussels sprouts all day. Uh I have some spare ribs right now. Oh, put some uh healthier barbecue sauce in the fridge right now.

Chris Grainger 45:47

Yeah.

Mark Delaney 45:48

So yeah, I would just say just uh any kind of meat with almost

Lightning Round And Real Struggles

Mark Delaney 45:54

any kind of veggies. There you go, man.

Chris Grainger 45:57

Just away from the processed stuff. Amen to that, brother. Good for you. Good for you. What's your uh what's your all-time uh favorite music? What what what do you enjoy listening to?

Mark Delaney 46:08

My wife calls me the music man. I I really enjoy music everywhere. Uh music gets to the heart, but but honestly, uh probably like 80s love songs or just uh just worship music. Like I uh it just gets to the gets gets to the heart for me.

Chris Grainger 46:31

Okay. That's awesome. How about movies? Like what if you and your wife get to sit down and and and pull a movie up, like what's your what's your classic go-to that you're gonna pull up?

Mark Delaney 46:40

I love the idea of a movie, but how do you find a good one? I do not know. So right now we are on our second time through a series called Blue Bloods. Okay. Which is a TV series. It's our second time through it. We know what it is, we like it. And if at the end of the night, if we want to relax for an hour, I don't want to try to find something. I just want to watch something I know that hits the bullseye.

Chris Grainger 47:08

There you go. Nothing wrong with that. Absolutely. So, what do you think about the last year for you, Mark? What maybe what's the new habit that you started that's brought you a lot of value that you would like to share with the listeners?

Mark Delaney 47:24

Well, I already mentioned the swimming. That's been amazing, frankly. Um, the other thing I'm working on is this the health journey is learning about insulin resistance. Okay. And the impact of uh the foods we eat on our bodies. And so making that more of a uh an item of study and research.

Chris Grainger 47:51

Yeah.

Mark Delaney 47:51

Um, that's that's been very impacting to me.

Chris Grainger 47:56

You know, it's easy when we have guys on the podcast, and obviously you're very successful, you had a lot of things happening. It's easy for our listeners to think, well, obviously, this guy's got it all together. You know, and what I like to ask sometimes is, you know, is there anything that you're struggling with right now? Because that just brings out a level of humility and also just a humanness to, you know, the things that we have going on. So yeah, anything that you're working through that you're wrestling with right now?

Mark Delaney 48:23

Oh, I struggle every day. I could say, I could say I struggle with fear. I'd struggle with the flesh when it comes to food. Like when I if I go to write or do something, fear will tell me, oh, Mark, no one cares. No one needs to hear from you. And I'll be like, well, maybe I should go eat something then. And I'll go feed my flesh and listen to my fear. Um it's easy to fight, it's easy to fight against discouragement. I I say this to men all the time, and I I live by it. You can't you can't be Superman without having kryptonite. Nobody gets to be that. Nobody does. We all get we all get to have our dose of kryptonite. And it but I used to be a man that um that feared my weakness. I don't anymore. I acknowledge it. I'm always gonna admit it to people. Because the more that I'm honest about my weaknesses, the more boldly I live out my calling and put the cape back around my neck. So, in terms of uh what I struggle with, um fear, like holding back what I can do because I'm afraid of what people think, or how's it is it gonna work? Am I gonna, you know, look dumb? And certainly anything involving food, yeah, like it it can be the thing that just you know grabs me around the neck and throws me up against a wall and beats me silly. And and I honestly I don't say that, I don't say this lightly because I I think anything of the flesh that ultimately can destroy us is in the same category. I don't I don't think I'm different than a man with alcohol, a man struggling with pornography, a man struggling with gambling. I I I don't I don't put myself in a different category than them. 100%. Um I struggle with alcohol, it's just a different substance. I I do drugs, it's just sugar. Right? It's just but it's the it's different, but it's the same. Yes, sir.

Chris Grainger 50:56

Thank you for the transparency there for sure. And guys, just keep just keep leaning in 100%. Mark, when you think about God, what's your favorite thing about it?

Mark Delaney 51:07

I want to say some last question for a second. My most uncomfortable thing about going to the prison is when I walk in, the men clap for me. Not because they're me, not because of me, but because the guy who runs the program out there tells them when a guest comes in, clap. Very uncomfortable for me. Because I'm not different than those men. I'm not at all different than those men. Not at all. They're wearing orange, I usually wear black, but there's no difference. I'm not better than them in any way. And I think it's really important as men, as we live in a culture of popularity and influencers and speakers. And a lot of men have so much to offer, but we've been raised in a culture that teaches us that the people who are influencers and the people that are on stages are the people that have more to offer. And if you ever become an influencer or a speaker, then you have something to offer. And it's such a lie. Like we are all very much the same on this journey together. And I think it's really important. My first goal with any interactions with people is just to get the playing field flat. We're in this journey together. God's got a mission for all of us, and we're side by side charging up the hill of calling. My favorite thing about God. Um I'll say this, Chris. I was raised in the church, and I spent so many years of my life trying to get close to God. And uh I realized I don't have to do that anymore. Because through Christ, God has been made close to me. And so I get to live every day in this abiding, joyful, fruitful relationship with God. It's not a relationship where I have to impress, I don't have to like earn. I just get to live in it. And that's what I love so much is that through Christ, God has brought me to the table of and this table is so full of love and joy and peace and meaning and purpose. And every day I get to just live in it. The old me, the old me had so much to prove, and life doesn't work that way.

Chris Grainger 54:04

Right.

Mark Delaney 54:04

And I finally came to realize that in Christ I have nothing to prove, and instead I have something to give. And hopefully, in the smallest of ways today, I get to give something to someone else on planet Earth.

Chris Grainger 54:35

The lies that he tells to people. That's really all he's got. It's just the lies. He's really good at it though.

Mark Delaney 54:47

Yeah, go go fix yourself. Go go fix your problem.

Chris Grainger 54:52

Right.

Mark Delaney 54:52

Go go fix your problem. There's a verse I love. Uh walk in the spirit, and you will not feel the lust of the flesh. There's two ways of walking in the flesh. It's me waking up and eating donuts all day, or it's me waking up and the goal all day is to not eat donuts. Both are just living in the flesh. Right. Walking in the spirit is who can I serve today? Who can I love today? And so the lie of the enemy, just fix your behavior. And Jesus is saying, go love your brother.

Chris Grainger 55:33

That's right. That's right. What do you hope the listeners remember from our conversation the most today? Stop trying to fix yourself. Realize the freedom you can have in Christ to go do something that's a hundred times bigger than your problem. 100%. Where can guys go, Mark, if they want to connect with you? The wonderful things you're doing. Uh where would you like to send them?

Mark Delaney 56:10

There's there's two books you can find online. One's called In the Game, the other one is called One Step to Freedom. Uh my website is markdelaney.com. Um, those are the places that I would send people. Our podcast is called The Purpose Mastermind. Um I I honestly would tell anybody to um like if someone listens to the Lion Within Us, The Lion Within, I I I don't know that they need to listen to me as well. Um it's really very much the same message. I I don't think that people need more information. They need to take more action in their life. And so uh if they need anything from me, get a small dose, but take action in your own life.

Chris Grainger 56:57

Thank you, brother, for coming on and for sharing. I mean, I think I got we do need to call out our brother Rob for connecting us to start with. So thankful for him. Rob's an action taker. He is. I love him to death. He means the world to me. And Mark, it's just been a uh enjoy, I enjoyed this time with you so much. So thank you again for your time today. Thank you. All right, guys, I told you that's gonna be a great one again. Thank you for Mark for coming on. Thank you for Rob for connecting

The One Thing To Remember

Chris Grainger 57:25

us. The question of the week this week is what are you choosing, or where rather, are you choosing comfort over the fire of God's calling? So look, very rarely is God gonna call you to something easy. When he makes you that call, he puts it on your life. Yeah, you can either quench it, right? Or you can lean into it. And my encouragement, man, my encouragement always is to lean into whatever God's called you to do. It's never gonna be easy, but it's gonna talk about what Mark talked about. It's gonna be it's gonna fill you with so much purpose. And as a man who's who's walking this out now, who lived most of my life not walking in my purpose, but the lion has given me the purpose, not because of the lion, but because of what God has called me to to serve Christian men to be the leaders that he intends them to be. That's the purpose he has for me. I don't know what the purpose he has for you, but I know whatever that purpose is, don't waste it. Do not waste it. So they're so very thankful for Mark. Again, all the resources we had at the Lion Within is, and you can find them at the LionWithin.us, guys. Daily Spiritual Kickoff, join the Lion Stand, hop into a mastermind. That's it. That's the three areas that we really try to serve. Come to one of our live events we have that we have throughout the year. I'm doing a lot more of speaking opportunities as well, guys. So if you would like for me to come to maybe your small group or your church, just be an encouragement to speak some life into you, or maybe to give you that charge that you guys need, reach out. I'd love to talk to you about that. There's all sorts of ways you can connect with me on the website. So happy to talk to you again. I've got several events that we're lining up that we're looking into. So that would be an honor to serve that if that would bring

Question Of The Week And Next Steps

Chris Grainger 59:01

of any value to you. Other than that, guys, come back on Friday. We'll have a member spotlight on Friday. You know, we have a we like to have a lot of fun with those. Uh, other than that, share this out with others. This is how we grow. This is how we how we encourage each other. Uh open the Bible app. Search for the lion within us on the Bible app. You'll see just tons of plans on the Bible app, all focused towards helping you be the leader that God intends you to be. Okay, so great ways to connect with us there. Have a great day, guys. We'll see you next time. Keep unleashing the lion within. It's time to stop battling pornography, lust, and temptation alone. We're done sitting on the sidelines, seeing shame win, and hearing from guys that are fighting private wars with no backup. So we decided it's time to fight back. We have our sexual integrity support group, which is a confidential space inside the lion's den for men who are ready to step into the light and pursue real freedom. This isn't just for guys in crisis, by the way. It's for any man who's tired of the cycle, who's tired of living in secret, who's tired of saying this is gonna be the last time. Look, most guys don't need another app or some rules. They need some brothers to come alongside them to say you're not the only one. This doesn't define you, and freedom is possible. So look, inside our group, you're gonna find a confidential, judgment-free forum to engage and ask questions. You'll have honest conversations without combination, and you'll also have a monthly call with the trusted guide. So, look, this isn't just about stopping pornography. It's about becoming a man of integrity, a man aligned, a man who lives in freedom, not secrecy. And you don't have to clean your stuff up first to come. You just have to step in. So, our sexual integrity support group is found inside the lion's den. And you can start that today with a 30 day free trial. So if you're ready to stop fighting alone and need that extra support, start your 30 day free trial right now at thelionwithin.us. That's thelionwithin.us.

Sexual Integrity Support Group

Chris Grainger 1:01:14

And step inside the lion's den.