Opening And Housekeeping

Chris Grainger 1:43

Welcome to the line within us, a podcast serving Christian men who are hungry to be the leaders God intends you to be. I'm your host, Chris Granger. Let's jump in. All right, fellas, meet episode time. Let's get into it. Okay. So the scripture of the week this week is 2 Timothy chapter 2, verse 2. So 222, there you go. It says the things which you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, entrust these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. So, guys, take some time to go back and listen to the spiritual kickoff episode where I unpack that verse at length to try to see how we can simplify and apply it to our life. And if you enjoy the spiritual kickoff episodes, which we know you guys do, highly encourage you. Go check out our daily spiritual kickoff. This happens Monday through Friday within the Lion Within Us community. It's a great way to get plugged in, get connected with us. It's free, guys. It's a great way to get to kind of just get a taste of how the lion works. If you are able to hop on while we go live every day, you can ask questions, you can chat. It's just a fun time. If you miss the live feed, don't worry. Those videos are put there every day for your encouragement and we don't put them anywhere else. And it also gives you access to our prayer request space. And we started in 2026. We have a on every Monday, we have a prayer warrior huddle. So you have that's open to anybody. If you need prayer, if you'd like to come together with a bunch of Christian brothers in Christ who are just being intentional about going to the to the to the father in prayer, hey, the pre the weekly prayer warrior huddle is for you. And all that, the linewithin.us, is how you get connected with all of it. Okay. So just go to the website, start your daily spiritual kickoff. You'll also be, when you do that, you get your weekly roar, all the fun stuff there as well, guys. Okay. All right. So this is gonna be a fun conversation, guys. Dr. Greg Stewart is back. He's out of Texas, uh, doing a lot of counseling, a lot of serving. And we just take a deep dive into leadership, really to leadership work for Christian men today. We talk about information, interpretation, and intensity. We really spent the most of the time talking about that, okay? So I think you're gonna enjoy this conversation, Greg. We we we talk on several areas, several areas rather, that I think is gonna be applicable to you to any guy listening who's trying to maybe lead better at home, lead better with your at work, uh, maybe you're trying to be a better dad across the board. All these areas that we talk about, guys, are applicable. Okay, so hopefully you sit back and you'll enjoy this conversation with my buddy, Dr. Greg Stewart. Well, Dr. Greg, good to see you again. How has life been for you?

Greg Stewart 4:15

Uh great, Chris. Uh just surviving the weather, but doing quite well, man. Living the dream.

Chris Grainger 4:22

I hear you, brother. I hear you. Well, man, it's been a while since we recorded together. What's been the the the uh the biggest thing that's happened in your life since we worked together last time?

Greg Stewart 4:31

Well, probably two things. One is uh I wrote uh last time I wrote two books. Um so I did an iCube series, which we'll of course talk about today. But secondly, is um my first grandson was born, or first grandchild on February 1st. Um so that's been the dream. So it's absolutely wonderful to be a grandparent, right? Yeah. So yeah, absolutely wonderful. Now, is he close by? Yeah, he's about an hour away. And my son's a pastor up in uh North Texas, about one hour away, just uh North Dallas. I'm out I'm east of Dallas. So um not too far away. Actually, uh about every other Tuesday, we go and babysit him while uh my daughter-in-law works, my son goes to church, and my daughter-in-law works as a nurse. So we get the chance to babysit him, and um, he's just starting to walk, so it's it's gonna get interesting. Oh, yeah.

Chris Grainger 5:20

Once they get mobile, man, you gotta watch out. They get mobile for sure. Well, congratulations. That's a major milestone. That's wonderful. It is, it's it's a joy for sure. I'm sure you'll be spoiling that little dude.

Greg Stewart 5:34

I already are. Yeah, just went through his first Christmas, so yes, we yeah, absolutely are gonna spoil. As we should. As we should.

The iCubed Framework Explained

Chris Grainger 5:42

As we should. As we should. So, you know, I'm I love the fact you put this iCube series together. Maybe just lay lay it out for a guy who maybe they missed the first episode and they're new to the lion, what the iCubed is all about and what your your passion and your mission is.

Greg Stewart 5:58

Well, that the iCubed is it's just a little it's uh thing that I came up with when I was a pastor in Michigan from Michigan originally, um, information, interpretation, intensity. So just explain that real quick, and that became kind of the theme. I've been wanting to write these or this book for over 20 years now. But information simply is like the Panama Canal. So the first lock has to fill up before the second lock opens. So, real quick, um, information is the rule is um that we have to have all the information, you know, so before we can respond emotionally or in literal response. So the rule is it's illegal for me to have any opinion, which is interpretation, or any emotion uh until I have all the information. Okay, so it's like for leaders, for just us as individuals, doesn't matter. So imagine if we in our culture applied this one rule. It's illegal for me to have any opinion or any emotion until I have all the information. Um, so secondly, is the interpretation, and that's just a critical thinking thing. So we stop, okay, I have all the information. My I have my mental model gives a first blush response to it, but we have to stop and let it pass through the frontal lobe and say, okay, but is that the most rational, healthy, wise, and right way to think about it? So the key is with interpretation, is you keep debating yourself, saying, is there any other way of looking at this other than the way my mental model suggests I'm looking at it? So there's always several statements of interpretation on any piece of information that we're struggling with or working through or processing. So I like just using the thing of the truth is. So we just say, you know, the truth is, it it validates us because there's aspects we're thinking that are true, but also debates us, meaning, okay, also the truth is Greg, right? So it kind of holds us at bay. So after we have the information and the interpretation, the intensity or the emotion simply is the amount of emotional energy I need to respond to it. Okay. So it's just a little, little simple um technique that kind of is a good way to culminate everything, whether the topic be us as an individual or in our marriages, which is my second book, or as leaders. So just apply that same principle to all three contexts. That's that's kind of the background for the book. Okay.

Chris Grainger 8:17

Now, for I mean, our guys that are listening, obviously, our audience is Christian men, leadership for men in general, if you think about information, uh, interpretation or intensity, like what do you think that one is a harder area for guys to to reckon with than others?

Greg Stewart 8:33

I would say the interpretation, I mean, um the information we have, it's just uh it's just uh keeps us at base. So we don't just, you know, there's a there's proverbs that say one proverb says, he who answers a matter before he hears it, it's a fool and his folly, right? So we need we need to hear, you know, then then there's ties with another proverb that says, you know, the first to plead his case seems right until another comes along and examines him. So that's just impulse control of, okay, there's a lot of information I might be lacking here because we've all experienced um that one little piece of information kind of is like a domino effect and completely changes our interpretation of whatever it is. But I would say that, you know, in most cases we have the information, just need to make sure we have it all, or as much as we can get. I would say interpretation is the big one, right? So it's like we have to look at things differently because with it comes to I'm actually memorizing a large chunks of Proverbs one through four on wisdom, and it's like in all you're getting, get, you know, wisdom is the principal thing. And all you're getting, get wisdom, and all you're getting, get understanding, for it's more precious than silver, more precious than rubies. So wisdom, discernment, understanding is not just about facts and information, it's it's really stopping our mental models and be transformed by the new of our mind and looking for wisdom and having a passion and this degree of teachability of looking for discernment. Then we'll understand the fear of the Lord if we search for it like it's silver or hidden treasure. So I'd say interpretation is really the big one because we as men, we want to be wise and discerning leaders, especially in light of today's age.

Chris Grainger 10:16

Yeah, and speaking of today's age, I'm super curious because you do a lot of research when you're putting your material together, which I really appreciate. But are you seeing any patterns out there that that are alarming to you that so far as men and leadership in general, that's things that you're trying to address and correct here?

Greg Stewart 10:32

Yeah, I mean, when I when I before I wrote my first book on ICU, I mean, and before it came out, I just kind of frame myself that I'm on a mission to really try and impact our culture on this iQ process, which is the first one. That it is illegal for me to have any opinion or any emotion to have all the information. Because we, everybody in our culture is just shooting from the hip. And I appreciate like just on social media sites where where you can like hit the button if a you see a post, you can hit a button and it runs it through AI to see if the story is even true, right? Because we're just it's called confirmation bias, which is in my book, I do a lot on critical thinking. Confirmation bias is the big error that everybody's doing. They just want to hear something that confirms what they feel and they get you know emotional. So the lack of emotional intelligence and the lack of impulse control is just it's gonna kill us, all right? So we're just it's just foolish beyond all belief. Yeah, that's the big one I'm I have a war against, you know, on that IQ process is do not have any emotion or any opinion or intensity until you have as much information as you can get.

Chris Grainger 11:45

Right. But to your point, sourcing you know accurate and true information, that's challenging. So how do you work where do you help with guys that's so far as getting the right information that this is that is actually truthful?

Influence Starts With Self Leadership

Greg Stewart 11:57

Well, I mean, you could do, I mean, do as much research as you can. I mean, it's most of it's out there, but again, if you can't find it, then you have to assume that you can't it's it's illegal to respond to it, right? I like using that term illegal. So um, so don't respond to it. If you can't have the information, if you can't find out the truth, it just has to kind of sit there, right? So there's nothing to act on. Because either way, you could be, you know, assisting, you know, untruths or lies. So you just have to, if you don't have that information, all right. And how much I mean we're just responding in what way? Most of the stuff we don't have control over anyway. So why are we responding, right? So if we just focus on what we do have control over, like the wisdom and philosophy of, you know, focus on burn energy on what you have control over, which is yourself and your family, church, community, small group, you know, grassroots type influence, focus there. Right. Right. And if the Lord calls you to something else, great, but I'm just saying that, you know, first things first, that matter first priorities.

Chris Grainger 12:57

Yeah, we can't forget that even if he calls us to other things, we're not supposed to just let go of those things that are core, like we're supposed to lead at home, we're supposed to lead in our church, I mean all those things, and then we get called out Jerusalem, Judea, then the rest of it are yeah, right, which which you know is going into my book, it's kind of like I do a kind of a little bit reverse where I keep for leaders because when most people think of about leadership, they think about influencing others, right?

Greg Stewart 13:23

So, but the premise of my book is that you know you can't impart what you don't possess. So you gotta lead yourself first, which which diving into your negative emotions, right? From the first two books and you know, figuring out like leaders overcome obstacles that everyone else only wishes they could overcome. That's what makes them leaders. And leadership is simply influence, it's not about position. There are positions of leadership, of course, but if you are a spouse and a father, I mean, you have influence. Okay, so the leaders overcome obstacles everybody else wishes they can overcome. So that's what makes them leaders. So you overcome internal obstacles like impulse control, and you have wisdom and discernment and prudence and understanding. Most people are looking for, like looking for just the ability to manage self-well, that wisdom, that insight, that discipline. And that if you have that, you will be an influencer. So start there. And then when it comes to other aspects of our leadership and influence, like our mission, purpose, destiny, and calling that the Lord calls us to, I mean, we link those two together and we will fulfill destiny, calling, and purpose because we all have that, especially as Christian men, to find our destiny, our purpose, our calling. And then once we pursue that and find it, oh, the Lord just anoints it. It's beautiful.

Chris Grainger 14:45

It is. I'm curious. I'm sure lots of guys they're they're trying to focus on the external, but you you speak so much to the internal, what's going on the internal battles. So, where do you start with men so far as working on those internal battles that we all face every day?

Finding Purpose That Fuels Calling

Greg Stewart 15:00

For sure. So, like chapter one is about you know just the concept of becoming more, which is you know, debate your mental model. And I all I do talk about as far as teachability, I know there's a lot of um use of the words humility, which is good, of course, and then vulnerability, but there's so much emotional baggage around those two words that you we have to give like explain so much of what it is, what it is not. If we just say it's you know teachability, and then not only that, proactive teachability, which is go to people, go to our brothers and say, How can I grow? Right. So you so there is this, there's levels of um being teachable. One person, like pride is you're not teachable, of course, right? But being teachable is like, hey, I'm open to being wrong. Okay, cool, great. That's being teachable. But then people say, you know what? Okay, I realize that I gotta be transformed by the renewing of my mind. Yes, okay. Um, then I'm then I'm learning. But then there is the degree of intensity found in the scriptures, like I mentioned earlier. Yeah, like when you read Proverbs one through four, it's it's like just if you search for this hidden treasure, I mean, there's a degree of intensity there, right? So I'm saying, first of all, you gotta be not only be teachable, but you've got to search for wisdom and insight and understanding. So I'm just gonna point people to Romans, or I'm sorry, Proverbs one through four. But then, so in that aspect of pursuing that, um, the transform their minds, then it begins with like what I call a becoming more quotient that I have as a four quadrant to give some, like, okay, what do I do to gain influence? So I have IQ, EQ, then personality, then spiritual development, destiny. So if we're looking at it, like um begins with spiritual development and destiny, which is just spiritual development, is morality, of course, right? But destiny has to do with um finding our purpose and mission. So in Genesis one through four, okay, real quick that Genesis one and two, everything was great. Genesis chapter three, everything went to hell literally. That's right, right? And Genesis, so Genesis four on, even to today and beyond, it's basically God and man responding to what happened in Genesis three. So in Genesis four, you'll see that it, you know, talk about these descendants started becoming shepherds and herdsmen, these descendants started making tools, and then these descendants are making musical instruments. And it was that last piece that kind of intrigued me. I was like, that's interesting, musical instruments. So as I backed up, I said, okay, what when it comes to like man on earth, I'd say, you know what? That that every job on earth, every technological advancement ever, everything, is either trying to solve a human problem or enhance the human experience. So, like tools is is to make the sweat, like the from the curse, easier, like tools. Shepherds and herdsmen, I see that as like commodities informing like infrastructure of our uh society. Okay, so we're we're starting to organize, then tools is trying to solve a human problem, but musical instruments is to enhance the human experience. And then you kind of just immediately play that out into entrepreneurs. Entrepreneurs just step back and say, this world should be different, either trying to solve a human problem, or like in my leadership book, I talk about you know Howard Schultz and Starbucks. He wasn't trying to solve a human problem, he was trying to create an experience. Now, right when I wrote the book, I was on a cruise. The cruise is not solving a human problem, it's enhancing human experience. So, first, um, so okay, which which direction do we take it then? So I can't tell you how many guys have had come to me like in their mid-30s or whatever, that they're sick, they could be successful. But they say there's still something missing. I say, okay, so you're, I call it the Iron Man Core, right? So we all seen the movie where that he had to have that energy source to keep the shrapnel away. The shrapnel is our life ex life, life's annoyances, like weather, traffic, stop lights, whatever the case is. But we had the Iron Man core, which is our purpose. I've seen every time I help somebody develop their mission statement and I ask them the question what is it about the human experience that drives you absolutely insane? There's a million problems in the world for sure, but what is it about the human experience that drives you insane? What social ill or injustice or what have you? Is it sex trafficking? Is it poverty? Is it, you know, lack of distribution of whatever it is? Um, what is it that drives you insane? So just starting there, you know, call it a splinter in your mind, like the matrix, like a splinter in your mind, and just keep going there because there's something there. And I said it always comes from every time I've helped somebody develop their mission statement, it always comes from life experiences. Always. So that's where we get to train up a child in the way they should go when they are old, they want to depart from it. I think that has to do, yes, with spiritual development and morality, but it has more to do with what is God doing in my child's life? Because all three kids are having different experiences. We all know this. Like we sometimes say, man, did you grow up in the same house? We joke about that because it's the same, we all have different experiences. Well, God is using that to create mission, vision, and purpose. So then there's the practicality of just, you know, IQ, which is we're born with an IQ, but we maximize our IQ through two things. One is formal or informal education, okay? Just keep learning. And then we we maximize our IQ through critical thinking skills. We've got to learn critical thinking skills, everything from what are biases and make sure we don't participate in that, just wisdom and insight, philosophy. So credit questioning or Bloom's taxonomy. There's which I know there's, you know, they can just look at the these things later, but it's diving into critical thinking skills, like the to understand to step back, because that is influence. Like we might be all the same. I don't care what position you're in. You can learn critical thinking skills, problem-solving skills that make you maximize your IQ. But then finally, there's the interplay between personality and emotional intelligence. I did my dissertation on EI. And I literally say I that I don't know how somebody can talk about influence or leadership, whether it be in the home, learn personality theory. Like I use the disc, right? There's meant there's or the Enneagram or what have you, that you gotta understand temperaments because you have a personality like all of us do. Your wife does, your children do, but that makes so much sense is to understand why you know we have weaknesses, like a strength taken too far becomes a weakness. Like Greg could become too intense, or as the I work used to be a director of a residential treatment center with teenage girls, and they said, Dr. Greg, you're so extra, which I used to think it was a compliment, right? But shockingly enough, Chris, they didn't mean it as one. So the interplay between like practical growth and maturity, because we all influence, you know, hands down, there's it's not about influencing. We influence, it's a matter of how effective are we at it. So, like negative 10 to positive 10, our influence might be causing problems, frankly, right? We grow and learn, and then we want our influence to go from you know positive one, positive two to maximize our influence at positive 10. It's growth, it's maturity, it's insight, wisdom, and discernment. So, practically speaking, for all the guys out there, it's like that that four interplay, and then it just it's it's an ongoing process, but which one is kind of like I need to go here or I need to go there and work on this, so whatever it is, that's the practical side of how can I start increasing my influence with myself and my family. Amen. Long answer.

Accountability Without Control Or Shame

Chris Grainger 22:31

Well, good stuff, guys. We're gonna take our first break and we'll come back and keep diving in with Dr. Gregg. Let's just say it out loud. Marriage is one of the greatest gifts that God can give a man, and one of the most consistent places where we can feel unsure of what we're doing. Even the strongest marriages have moments where you look at your wife and you think, you know what? I love you. I'm so committed to you. But right now, I have no idea what I should do next. And that's why we launched something new inside the lion within us community. It's our very first support group, and it's for husbands, and we're calling it committed and occasionally confused. This isn't just a place for men in crisis. Though if you're there, hey, you're welcome. This is for any man who refuses to coast and wants to take his marriage from good to great. So inside you'll find an active chat and a feed, honest conversations, and brotherhood that says you're not alone. We've been there. Let's bring this to God and grow. And we're also doing a monthly couples night where your wife is invited, because we're not letting the world set the agenda for our homes. Now, if you want to access the This support group, it's very simple. Go to thelionwithin.us and join the Lion's Den. Okay, that's the LionWithin.us. Start your 30-day free trial of the Lion's Den community, and boom, you have instant access to the committed and occasionally confused support group. We'll see you inside the den. All right, so Dr. Greg, one thing I am curious about is we're thinking about leadership. And so many times when it comes within the lion, we talk around accountability. And it comes, and this can be a trip kind of like guys want it. They want other people to have it, but I'm not sure I want to be accountable. It's that type of thinking. So what does real accountability look like uh without turning it into like control or trying to shame people? Like how how would you help the Christian leader out there, you know, truly stay accountable and hold people accountable?

Greg Stewart 24:32

That's a great question. So, so a couple of points. One is um it has to begin with that teachability, right? So accountability has to do with there's a gap, a gap analysis. Here's where Greg is, here's where Greg should be. So, for instance, I want to create the like the drive for teachability, because if you have a drive for teachability and openness and change, then you're gonna be motivated to have accountability. And then there's there's healthy and unhealthy ways to play it out. But the gap analysis is like I say, forget everybody else, like there's a bell curve of 100 Gregs on the bell curve of me as a husband. So I'm not like there's objective like love your wife as Christ, love the church. Sure, there's principles, but there is a Greg at the 100 percentile as a husband. What is the what's the difference between this Greg today and that Greg? Right. So that way you're just taking everybody else out of it, your own, like, but there is a gap, right? And then there's a bell curve of me as a parent, as a well now grandparent, right? So so one is like just realize that there's a gap between you at the hundred percentile. There's an incredibly awesome Chris, like as a husband, as a father, whatever the case is, at the 100 percentile. So that's the gap analysis. Secondly, is what motivates even more is um what's called the jihari window model. And we won't get into all of it. I just want to simply say that that Jihari window model talks about having a blind area. The blind area is simply what others see about you that you don't see about yourself. When I learned about the blind area, that there's things that people see about me that I don't see about myself, it's it's scared that still buzz me to death because but I I want to know what that is. So what is your what is your, I always ask, what is your strategy for eradicating the blind area? And that's where it kind of plays into proactive teachability. I can't just be reactively teachable, meaning that because it's hard, you know, people are gonna struggle with confrontation, right? So people like are gonna be nervous to come to me or anybody else. So I want to go after it proactively. So so you got to proactive, proactively eradicate your blind area. So there's your motivation, right? Now, once you get going to accountability and you're asking for it, if you're looking for insight, you go to you get to select which people. Okay. And so when you select people that like men, brothers that um that will hold you accountable, but but do it in a graceful way. So like Jesus came full of grace and truth. Okay. So grace and empathy without truth and boundaries is enablement, but truth and boundaries without grace and empathy is toxic. So you go to like a band of brothers that um you respect highly and that will speak truth into you, right? But you proactively go to them, that increases just your influence because you're being, you're being you're putting yourself out there. But also what you have to do is you know be discerning because the scriptures say test the spirits, because just because somebody says something to you positively or negatively doesn't mean it's necessary what the spirit also would say to you. So this is where you can kind of step back and say without being you know exposed or whatever. It's is what they're saying rational, healthy, wise, and right. And it should become relatively obvious. Like, yes, that's an area I can grow in, but you always take whatever's spoken to you, positively or negatively, and run it by the spirit, because somebody could actually affirm you, oh, Greg, you're fine, but the spirit's saying, oh, Greg, you're not. So whether it be positively or negative, you still have to test the spirits. But if, especially Christian brothers, you know, men that are that are um led by the spirit, full of the Holy Spirit, then it the spirit itself will confirm with our spirit. So in that process, if it's if you're productively going to brothers that will speak truth into you, it's normally a very healthy process. But if you're mature enough, then you can kind of discern whether or not that's from the Lord, right? So we don't have to be afraid of, because if it's true, we should not be afraid of it. Because if we are afraid of it and we avoid it, then we're going to continue on in our foolishness, you know, which obviously is.

Chris Grainger 28:41

Absolutely. And I'm curious too, but like how do we as men going to brothers in Christ? Sometimes the brothers in Christ are quite frankly just yes men. And we have to be careful of that. Whether they're not just affirming what we hope to hear. That's that we talked about that earlier. So how do we discern between that? Between just a yes man versus the actual brother who's going to speak truth versus the ones that's just gonna be a jerk. Like there's just you got to all these respectrums.

Greg Stewart 29:07

That's a great question. Like, so the yes men are basically um, and we need to have this because that's where the that's where the grace comes in. That's the empathy. It's kind of like the me too. But when I was a pastor and stuff, I I did struggle being a part of men's group because I didn't want that. Like, you know, um, yeah, I struggle with lust and pornography too. Yeah, me too, me too. But it's okay. And it and that's necessary because you know it produces so much guilt and shame, right? So we have to, that's but guilt and shame is is worldly sorrow, 2 Corinthians 7. Worldly sorrow is guilt and shame, which we all have. It's an auto-response is guilt and shame. But what we do with it, that guilt and shame can turn into defensiveness and anger or sadness and depression. We have to flip over to godly sorrow, which is externally motivated, meaning I will do whatever it takes to make this right. And verse 11 is the key, the key descriptors there. So we need to have a balance of that the empathy in that just like Christ, he was tempted at all points, and he do not have a high priest, you cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, right? But the truth is, we have to add that truth. So there's empathy because even our high priest has sympathy and empathy with us. But Jesus would also say the truth is, right? And gets right too. Regardless, the truth is you need to repent. Regardless, the truth is that you need to change, right? So it's it's always are both goals accomplished statements of grace and empathy and statements of truth. You gotta accomplish both goals.

Discipleship That Stays Alive

Chris Grainger 30:43

Great point, great point. Okay, well, that's that's a good dive into accountability there. And and and speaking of accountability, that so much as that is tied from a Christian standpoint to discipleship. And sometimes for for Christian guys, discipleship can just stop being fun, or you do or just not exciting, or they just it's just it loses something, the the allure, and they just leave that's when they step out. That's where you see guys just become pew sitters at that standpoint. So what what do you do to to help the guy who's feeling stuck or just they they've lost that that drive for true discipleship?

Greg Stewart 31:17

Well, it's uh there's a so when I would say that um the true discipleship begins with your your intimacy with the Lord. Now there's that word intimacy. But why do we why would we avoid that? It's because most cases we feel judged. We don't we don't avoid the me too groups, right? We don't avoid the validation groups. What we avoid are the groups as far as truth, and if that truth is done too harshly, but that again, that's that's part of it is if you know that the truth is too harsh, because you can say you want to get to the point of saying, you know what, um it's true, but Christ would never say that to me the way you're saying it. But you have to know, like it in you if you envision Christ, you you meeting with Jesus, because Jesus is the all the fullness of the God has in bodily form. So you you like you read the gospels in the way Jesus interacted with his disciples, and you imagine him interacting in that way with you, because he was perfect balance of grace and truth. So I said you can't walk through the gospels and you know have this drive to avoid Jesus. If you have a drive to avoid the Jesus of the gospels, then I mean all butts are off anyway, right? So you picture, like when I when prayer, like people often think of God, you know, the whole God on throne, like we actually picture him as Zeus, right? That he's just there to condemn, which that means they don't understand the Father, right? So they truly understand true fatherhood, but we don't get into that now because lots of trigger triggers there. Begin with your relationship with Jesus. The Holy Spirit's too vague. It's too ethereal, like it's just like the spirit, right? But if it's like a face-to-face with Jesus, that's why my first book I framed uses as my first love and fiance. Now, the whole fiance thing you might have to get to get over, but we're the bridegroom of Christ, he's you know, he's the bridegroom, we're the bride. So you have to get over the whole male thing, but you go into Christ and like how would the perfect man, you know, full of grace and truth, engage me when I went into prayer? He'd be he wouldn't be like, oh, hey, Chris, what's up? Right? He wouldn't cold shoulder you. He'd be like, Chris, Chris, come here. Come here. And then, and it's almost like the truth feels so good because when he speaks truth to you, it's done out of empathy. That's where, like, a I just did a video this morning on formal power versus informal power and leadership, you know, management versus leadership. And it's the combination of both where you we need to be held accountable, just like in our jobs, but the best leaders are the ones who listen, who get us, the ones who listen to us and the ones who empower us, the ones who um are teachable. So Christ, you you picture that perfect person, Jesus, when you pray. So if you're there, then when other, if men blow it by even doing the me too thing or the too harsh thing, you your spirit automatically, the spirit automatically knows like, uh, you know, you you spent enough time with Jesus that that ain't true, right? But guys, you you gotta just spend time with him, right? There's a million ways to get into it, but I began with just every time I pray, I just picture Christ, Jesus, right? As perfect, you know, first of all, I'm fiancé as the perfect, the perfect guy, right? And then I would in my worship, I would worship but it build intimacy so I'm not afraid of his presence. So it's called practicing his presence. You've got to do that. Otherwise, I mean, that's why people avoid the church, is because they've had bad experience with human Christians. Well, if if you have a solid relationship with Christ, then yes, human Christians who blow it do you know impact you, but the intensity of the impact has decreased greatly because you can say, you know, and it was a beautiful point in time, and this is after I left the ministry after 15 years, but until I experienced this a beautiful point in time, I can say, you know what? The way that person's thinking about me, that's not from the Lord. Man, was that freeing. If you can say that that the way that person is talking is not from the Lord, it's so free. But you can't get there unless you have a good, just at least you're at peace, you're comfortable with, you're okay with this experience you have with Christ. So read the gospels and just keep picturing that you're interacting with that person.

Break And Health Discipline Support

Healthy Intensity Versus Burnout

Chris Grainger 35:54

Right. Right. Great insight, great reflection on that, Dr. Greg. Thank you so much. So look, guys, I'll take a quick break. We'll come back with and continue with Dr. Greg here. It's time to stop neglecting the body that God gave you. And we're done making excuses and watching discipline slip. So we decided it's time to rebuild strength the right way. And we have our Health Stronghold Support Group, which is a dedicated space inside the lion's den, specifically for men who are ready to steward their bodies with discipline and purpose. Look, this is not just for guys trying to lose weight. Let's just clear that up. This is for guys who know that energy affects you how you lead. Your habits affect how you lead your family, and discipline affects your calling. And most guys don't need another workout plan or some extreme diet ideas. They need a stronghold. They need to have a place where they can hear other men say, then I fall into I want consistency, not shortcuts. So inside our health stronghold, you're gonna find real conversations around physical health and discipline, honest discussions about habits, setbacks, and progress, and encouragement for men pursuing strength. This comes with a monthly call with one of our trusted guides as well. So look, it's not about vanity, it's about stewardship. It's a place to train without shame and pursue strength without comparison. You don't have to impress anybody. You don't have to have it all figured out. You just gotta show up. So the health stronghold is found inside the lion's den. And you can start a 30-day free trial today. So if you're ready to stop drifting, head over to thelionwithin.us. That's thhelionwithin.us, and hop inside the lion's den. Start your 30-day free trial and get started today at thelionwithin.us. So, Dr. Gray, I am curious for lots of guys that are out there in leadership roles and you you speak about it so directly around the word intensity. And and there's a fine balance between a healthy intensity for sure and burnout. And help us understand where we can start discerning what that balance looks like and maybe some indicators when that dashboard lights start going off to recognize we've passed the point of the of healthy intensity, we've we've moved into that realm of burnout.

Greg Stewart 38:17

Right. So the most practical thing I could say for any human being is that um when I was when I was in the ministry, the a pastor who was who hired me was 35 years my senior, wise man. Um love him dearly. Uh he's with the Lord now, but um he like the whole uh he says, Greg, you know how they say that you know, God, family, church? Like, yeah, he goes, Well, all right, it's it's not God family, it's just all God, right? So that's one because you sometimes you as far as priorities. So this is what I suggest I include it in um, especially my um book on couples and marriages when it comes to having enough time with our spouse. Call it scheduling the minimum. So our life is a pie, right? The pie has a is a pie pan, but that there's a limit because we only have so much time. Time is a limited resource. So we know that money is a limited resource. We know that time is too, but also emotions, emotional energy is a limited resource we need to replenish. Okay. So our life is a pie, we only have so much time in each of the slices falling into the category of, you know, time with. So time with my wife, time with my kids, exercise, time with the Lord, uh, time at work, recovery time, relaxation, whatever it is. So the key is that every single one of those slices falls underneath the category of the more, the better. Okay. The more time I spend with my wife, the better. The more time I spend with my kids, the better, right? So that's that's not the key. We have to do is make sure that each slice of the pie, you got to frame it as each goal must be accomplished. Okay. I have to have enough time with each one of these. Time the Lord, but also recovery time, right? That's why the Lord instituted the Sabbath. Now it's more of a theology of a Sabbath nowadays versus, you know, sunset on Friday to sunset on Saturday. But a theology of Sabbath is a recovery time. Otherwise, if you don't, then you will have burnout. So it's almost like you need recovery time daily. I mean hourly, whatever it is, from hourly to daily to weekly to monthly to what have you, vacation, whatever. But you schedule the minimum and you just each each guy has to, each person, I should say, has to kind of assess that. But if you have enough recovery time, then burnout doesn't happen, right? So then, because then our our hearts, because if we're looking, every guy is looking at our main emotional goal is significance and success. And it's in that emotional goal, but all emotional goals are good, and it's all the way through all my books. Everything we do is trying to achieve an emotional goal. We want to feel something, right? So when we're we just choose a path to feel that thing, but we have to first assess is this path rational, healthy, wise, and right? I always use like, you know, if I'm super stressed out and I did this in my, I was at a stressful job, but I would drink, you know, cognac every day at five. Well, it achieved the goal, emotional goal, but it wasn't rational, healthy, wise, and right. So first, guys, we have to assess our paths. But secondly, is when there's an inflation of negative emotion, like it's just, it's just burnt. That's we have to go back to my first book because, or whatever, and we have to kind of dive into, we have to walk into those negative emotions because the Lord's trying to tell us something. Right. Again, this is a this is a journey, but we each each one of us knows, right, what we're experiencing in kind of the the greatest red flag or what have you that we have to walk into. But all negative emotions exposing something in us. Because a negative emotion for all of us, we immediately start focusing and burning our energy on the thing outside of us that we don't have control over and burning it there. We have to stop and say, you know what? My wife, yes, what she did or didn't do might upset me. But on a scale of one to 10, honestly, it's like a one or two, but I'm at a six, seven, or eight. That inflation is not her issue. It's yours. Again, your boss at work or any other thing. It's we have to kind of we recognize that I have way too much emotional energy around this because it's just the actual impact. Because I mean, objectively speaking, we assess degree one to ten on how big of a deal is the impact, true, realized, not felt. Right? So if there's an inflation, we got to do some work there and walk into that because that's where the Lord's trying to talk to us. But it that's a whole process there. But but if you're experiencing this burnout or this drive, and it's just you don't have balance and peace because again, Proverbs one through four, if you're looking for wisdom and insight and understanding, there's a whole bunch of fruit from it. And one of them is life and peace. So if you if you like fear, like guys, fear repels his presence. Right? So as soon as you have fear, that fear is automatically, because fear turns into anger. Anger is always a result of fear. So as soon as you have fear, that's what it is: a fear of not achieving your emotional goal or the tangible goal. Like we I call it macroemotional goals, which is quality of life, standard of living, living our values and fulfilling destiny and calling them purpose, right? We're in that pursuit, which God created that pursuit. But if we add fear to it, that repels us presence because now we're gonna take it over because we're scared, right? So fear repels us presence. One one verse in Proverbs says, My son, you know, if you obey my commands, if then you know, listen to what I say and let your heart keep my commands. And I just camp there for the longest time because it was passive. It's I've I've got to let my heart keep his commands, which there's a there's a resignation. I gotta I had to allow it. But the only way I'm gonna be able to allow it is to is to not have fear, right? So those those emotions, but if you do, you have peace and and quality of life and discernment and length of days. So there's some honestly, this uh guys are unfamiliar with emotions, but if you're if you're feeling the negative emotions, right, that's the sign, right? Again, so negative emotions aren't bad because that's energy we burn to pursue and fix something. But if it's not working, there's an inflation, if we're lacking peace, then that's the sign we need to do something with something else that's going on inside of us.

Chris Grainger 44:35

What about for the guy who's listening? It's like, yeah, that's great, but right now God's quiet. What do you do in those moments? When God's quiet, you're not getting a whole lot better.

Greg Stewart 44:43

Yep. So great question. Um, if God is quiet, um then number one, you you make the assumption does God want to talk to you? Yes, hands down. Okay, he wants to he wants to talk to us. Everything in the scriptures screams, he wants engagement, right? So if he's quiet, then he if he's quiet, then what he's telling us is a couple things. Um, one could be that God is not gonna speak to what he what he's already spoken on. Like you know, gentlemen, right? You know what to do or what not to do. He's not gonna speak to what he's already spoken on. Okay. Secondly, so there is a bit of repentance. Secondly, is when you go into his presence. Presence, fear repels his presence, which you he wants you to come to him, but you like this that's the whole point of like Elijah or Elijah of the still small voice. You bring in the whirlwind, you bring in the tornado, but you have to rest and again allow it to happen. So you have to go into his presence and stop. Don't be afraid. Like I say, like you go into his presence, and I used to practice like, Lord, what do you want to say to me about this? Even if it's your sin, lust or whatever, go to him. That's proof of repentance. Proof is what do you want to say to me about? Because he's not going to speak about the sin, because he already spoken, but he will speak to what is in your heart that you're scared of that's driving you to that sin. Right. But you've got to be quiet. So maybe the if the Lord is quiet and not speaking, it's either because you've he's already spoken on it, and or secondly, is he wants you to be quiet. A lot of times I say the right, it's like the Lord's gonna sit there. Because I I tell your brother, like as a therapist, I meet with the client, and then I start to say something, they interrupt and just start just talking. I just sit there and I wait. I wait. It's like, are you let me know when you're done? And I can't say because the wisdom is that the Lord might be doing the same thing. It's like, okay, let me know when you're done. Right. That's good. Lord's quiet, and maybe he's trying to tell you you need to be quiet first. Amen.

Stop Avoiding The Next Step

Chris Grainger 47:14

Amen. Just to guess. Just to just something to think about. Well, I mean, one one of my last questions really for you is there's probably guys listening and they know they need some some sharpening. Yeah, they know they know they need it, but they're avoiding it. So what what would be your your your charge to that guy who's avoiding doing what God's called him to do and being a leader that he's called to be?

Greg Stewart 47:40

Uh grace and truth. The grace would be you know in your heart that once you take your once you step into it, right? So I use the the analogy, you gotta put down the microscope and pick up the mirror. That's a decision. You're your everything else in your life, other people are in the microscope. Put down the microscope, pick up the mirror, and once you start walking into it, you know, you know on the other side of it is peace. And when you look back, you're like, you will thank the God of heaven for walking you through it. You know this. So you so you have to like impulse control, you have to you have to think about the end result. That's the grace. And he won't he's inviting you into that experience. That's where the miracle happens. The truth is, the truth is, um, like I say in counseling, when the consequences and pain of our behavior outweighs the benefit of changing, then we'll change. Right. Right? So there is there is a benefit to not changing, to continuing on the same unhealthy path. But when the consequences of our behavior, this is like psychobabble, the consequence of our behavior outweighs the benefits of the behavior, people change. That's the true side of it. So again, I I always say in and counseling though, it's in my philosophy um that successful counseling or coaching, discipleship begins and ends with the client. Right. Um, I don't have the power to change anybody. And the beautiful thing is, but the truth is that do you have everything you need? Skills, abilities, free will, whatever it is to take the next step. Yes, you do. Right. Okay, so that's what you focus on. Just the step.

Lightning Round And Final Charge

Chris Grainger 49:32

Amen. Amen. Well, Greg, this has been wonderful. I know we we love to do lightning rounds with you, so I've mix it up a little bit. If you got a little time, we'll do a fun lightning round here at the end.

Greg Stewart 49:42

Yep.

Chris Grainger 49:43

All right. So uh let's let's see here. So if you had a free day, uninterrupted, you didn't have any, you could clear the calendar and do what you what you would want. How would you spend it? What would you be doing? I'd golf 36 holes.

Greg Stewart 49:58

I'm a big golfer. Okay. Yeah, I just I just I don't golf enough, and yeah, I I just love it. And I I I would golf it with my wife. We she she's okay with just sitting in the cart, she'll play a little bit, but okay. I would golf. It's so beautiful out there.

Chris Grainger 50:11

And well, not today, but yeah, no, not today, not today, not today. You definitely answered that very quickly. So I can tell that was a passion of yours for sure. So that's great. How about when you look back at last year? We just we're just starting a new year in 2026, but if you look at 2025, what's a small win that you're uh that you're proud of from last year?

Greg Stewart 50:32

Um it's it's I well I published to the thing about in November of 24 is my first book, but I published two books. Wow. Two overachiever. I hear you. That's a big deal. Little pride, right? And um, again, it's not my accomplishment, but becoming a grandfather and pouring into my grandpa because in my each of my books, like I said, I kind of joke and say, I don't care if I sell one book because these books are a way for me to leave a legacy to my children and grandchildren, great-grand. It's like this is what dad, grandpa, great grandpa, great-great grandpa thought.

Chris Grainger 51:10

Right. Right. You know, if you couldn't I'm curious, I mean, because we've it's you've learned so much, you've grown so much. If you could go back and and and speak to the younger, you know, before you were the Dr. Grave, just speak to the Greg. What one piece of advice would you give him?

Greg Stewart 51:29

Um back back then it would be um get your rear end of church. Because I mean, I I got saved as a kid, but my parents were going to church meant I went to going to church and I did the party hardy teen years and then suffered the consequences from those years. So if I could speak to that, Greg, um it's I would say go to church, but seek seek the Lord God with all your heart, soul, body, mind, and strength. Love it. You know, and I don't mean that just you know, because we should, but no, it's that's the answer.

Chris Grainger 52:03

Well right now, when do you feel most like yourself and most importantly most like the the man that God's called you to be? What are you doing? When I'm in his presence, worshiping worshiping.

Greg Stewart 52:16

Oh, I forgot to say when in doubt, worship. It's a quote from Bill Johnson. When in doubt, this guy's worship. When you're doubting, when in doubt, worship. When I'm in his presence, I don't I don't have a care. I I'm safe in his presence, man. When in doubt, worship.

Chris Grainger 52:33

Love it. Love it. What's what what the parting thought you want to leave with our listeners? What do you want them to remember the most from our conversation, Dr. Green?

Greg Stewart 52:42

Um I would say with what the next step of knowing what you need to do, um go all out, make radical changes, and just say, I know I need to do this. The truth is, just keep filling in that sentence, the truth is, and go all out on filling in as many of those sentences as possible. The truth is and go all out, gents. Burn your intensity there. The truth is.

Chris Grainger 53:12

Love it. Love it. Well, where can they connect with you, Dr. Greg? Get a copy of your book and all your resources.

Greg Stewart 53:18

So, like my name at Dr. Briggs Stewart, just take out the period, smash it together, and dot com. D-R-G-R-E-G-S-T-W-A-R-T.com. Okay. That's right. So we can get all your resources there. Perfect. Love it. Everything's there. Yep. Yep. Anything else you'd like to share today, sir? Uh, other than thank you, Chris. It was my honor and my pleasure to be a guest on this. So I want to thank you. That's that's absolutely what I want to say.

Question Of The Week And Next Steps

Sexual Integrity Support Invitation

Chris Grainger 53:43

Absolutely. Well, it's been an honor, sir. Thank you so much for sharing, guys. Go to drgregstewart.com, get all his resources, and uh thank you again for your time today. All right, bless you guys. All right, bye bye. All right, guys. I told you that's gonna be a fun one. So so thankful for Dr. Greg. Go check out his resources. The question of the week this week is Am I a man that can be trusted? That's a hard question to ask, particularly if you want to avoid the truth sometimes. So look, we have to be men of our word. And that starts with following through, bro. Just follow through, do what you say we're gonna do, right? And if you're not a man that can be trusted, don't beat yourself up. Therefore, now there's no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus, but start course correcting. You have to be the one to course correct. I can't do it for you, your wife can't do it for you, your kids can't do it for you. You have to start course correcting for yourself to be a man that is that is worth trusting. If you're a man that's that can be trusted, then you're you're you're headed down the path to leadership, to being a man of influence. But don't lose to trust. It's so key. All right. So, guys, come back on Friday. We're gonna have our member spotlight on Friday. You guys know how much those, how much fun those things are. You're incredible. And also, fellas, the LionWithin.us is how you get connected with all our resources. Join the Lions Den. Be straight up. Join the Lions Den. If you're listening to the lion, you're consuming the line, you're you're encouraged by it. Maybe you're reading our stuff on the Bible app. And look, I appreciate you doing all that. I really do. Support us. A great way to support us is by joining the Lions Den. Okay, it's a very easy way to connect with us, and you'll also be encouraged along the way. You'll have opportunities to come and if you want to engage with us at our virtual events all throughout the week. But it's also just saying, you know what? This is helping me, this is benefiting me, and I'm going to support it. Okay. So thelionwithin.us is how you do that. You can't open up the Bible app, find us there. We have so many plans on the Bible app. They're one of our greatest partners. So check us out on the Bible app. Just search for the Lion Within Us. Okay. All that stuff, the LionWithin.us, our live events, the Bible studies. Guys, the book. Don't forget unleashing the lion within book. Go to Amazon. We even have that as an audible version as well as the ebooks. We have a print audible e-book version of Unleashing The Lion Within. Okay. So, guys, we'll see you next time. Give us a rating and review if you don't mind. That would be awesome. If you want to connect with us, the LionWithin.us, have a great day. Get after it. Keep unleashing The Lion Within. It's time to stop battling pornography, lust, and temptation alone. We're done sitting on the sidelines, seeing shame win, and hearing from guys that are fighting private wars with no backup. So we decided it's time to fight back. We have our sexual integrity support group, which is a confidential space inside the lion's den for men who are ready to step into the light and pursue real freedom. This isn't just for guys in crisis, by the way. It's for any man who's tired of the cycle, who's tired of living in secret, who's tired of saying this is going to be the last time. Look, most guys don't need another app or some rules. They need some brothers to come alongside them to say you're not the only one. This doesn't define you. And freedom is possible. So look, inside our group, you're going to find a confidential, judgment-free forum to engage and ask questions. You'll have honest conversations without condemnation. And you'll also have a monthly call with a trusted guide. So look, this isn't just about stopping pornography. It's about becoming a man of integrity, a man aligned, a man who lives in freedom, not secrecy. And you don't have to clean yourself up first to come. You just have to step in. So our sexual integrity support group is found inside the lion's den. And you can start that today with a 30 day free trial. So if you're ready to stop fighting alone and need that extra support, start your 30 day free trial right now at thelionwithin.us. That's thelionwithin.us, and step inside the lion's den.