Welcome & Scripture Focus

Chris Grainger 1:43

Welcome to The Lion Within Us, a podcast serving Christian men who are hungry to be the leaders. God intends you to be. I'm your host, Chris Granger. Let's jump in. All right, fellas, meet episode time. Let's get into it this week, okay? So the scripture week this week, Romans 12, verse 21. Do not be overcome by evil. Man, but overcome evil with good. That is a tongue twister. Anyway, fellas, took some time in the spiritual kickoff episode to unpack that verse at length. So go listen to that one. Hopefully you'd be encouraged by it so far as redeeming that anger. And again, we do that Monday through Friday in our daily spiritual kickoff. Also, guys, hey, if you're liking the lion, just gonna throw this out there. If you're liking the lion and it encourages you, if you're finding any encouragement and support every week, maybe you're following the Bible plans on the Bible app and you just like what we're putting out, be a supporter. Like you can easily support just by joining the Lions then. Maybe you don't want to be an active participant, but you just want to be a sideline supporter. That's a great way to do it, guys. It's a very easy way to support what we're doing at the Lion Within Us. You can go to the LionWithin.us, just click on that uh join the stronghold, pop in right there. And hey, guess what? You're a monthly supporter of what we're doing, and we need more support, straight up. We just need more support from you guys so we can keep doing this work because this work is hard, but it's meaningful. It's meaningful. We're building it, it takes a lot of work to build these resources to help serve guys. So again, highly encourage you. If you if you like us, if you like what you're hearing, if you're a regular listener to the show, thank you first and foremost. Keep listening, but come support us. We really could use it. All right. So now, this this whole this week was we're talking about anger. And this stems directly from the hey, I'm just a guy. This I'm wearing my I'm just a guy shirt right here, fellas, which by the way, come to the linewith n.us, go get your copy, you know, get your I'm just a guy shirt, okay? So this one is called I'm Just a Guy Who's Angry. Okay, because look, sometimes we can feel angry and we can't even explain why, right? I mean, can I get an amen on that one? And it doesn't make sense. But if we think about it for a second, why would God give us an emotion like anger if it doesn't have a purpose? It doesn't make any sense if you ask me. Because anger can be a gift when it's understood and handled the right way. So we're gonna dive in, we're gonna think about this, and hopefully it's gonna be a way to help you uh if you're dealing with anger, just reframe it in a useful way. It starts off by owning the emotion. Because in Ephesians 4, it tells us, be angry, do not sin, do not let the sun go down on our anger, and do not give the devil the devil an opportunity. And there have been times in my life when I was so angry, like I couldn't even think, bro. So I was reminded uh of this recently. Um, when I had one of those moments, and it was one a time when an anger towards a very close friend of mine burned pretty deep. And we didn't speak for almost two decades, bro. I mean, it was crazy when I think about this. So when I met my first wife, I had all but turned my back on God, and my life was consumed, bro. It was, I had it was racing, it was motorcycles, it was anything that can numb the loneliness that I was feeling. So when she gave me some attention at the time, like I dove in head first, and I was I just ignored a lot of the warning signs that are out there, out the things that people were saying, and and and anybody who questioned that path, I felt like they were out, they were against me. And one of those buddies was a childhood friend. And he saw what I couldn't see, or at least what I refused to see, and lovingly he confronted me about it. Okay, and he could because he cared about the direction of my life. But instead of hearing his concern, what I heard was judgment. So what did I do? I lashed out at him. I was just like a uh an animal when it gets cornered, right? What do they do? They fight back. This is what they do. So with every word he said, I laid another brick in the wall. And that bit I was building that wall, and that would separate us.

SPEAKER_00 5:42

And that conversation destroyed a relationship we had built since elementary school. Why is that? Because I let anger make the decision for me.

Chris Grainger 5:54

The older I'm getting, the more I'm learning that God gives us emotions like anger, but they're meant to be indicators, not decision makers, most of the time. And anger can be like a dashboard warning light, right? When that thing comes on, it's it's telling me that something deeper is going on under the surface. And the light itself isn't dangerous, is it? No, I mean a check engine light, it's in of itself, it's not gonna do anything, but what it's pointing to, and that's what matters. That's where things can break. And it strikes me that anger indicates the parts of us that we don't want to be aware of.

SPEAKER_00 6:33

At least that's what anger is without reflection.

Chris Grainger 6:37

Most of us like to respond to the vulnerability of exposing parts, disposing of parts we don't want to see, with the protection of the of the those parts, and that's why we get angry, right? And for me, that anger was rooted in fear, and that fear was me and I'm by myself.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

And when that fear was threatened, I exploded, man, just like gas on a fire, bro.

Chris Grainger 7:03

And so I don't know if you're angry today, or maybe someone's confronted you lately, or life just feels like it's spinning out of control. The question worth thinking about is what is the dashboard like trying to tell you? You know, what's he trying to tell you?

SPEAKER_00 7:18

And instead of reacting, take some time to reflect. Bring that anger to God. God's not afraid of it. But he doesn't want it to rule you either.

Anger As A Dashboard Warning Light

Break: Sexual Integrity Support

Fear Of Not Being Needed

Chris Grainger 7:30

So start thinking about what are the things that fuel your anger the most, and what fear might be fueling that anger right now. So we're gonna take our first break, guys. We'll come back and we'll keep digging into this topic of anger together. It's time to stop battling pornography, lust, and temptation alone. We're done sitting on the sidelines, seeing shame win, and hearing from guys that are fighting private wars with no backup. So we decided it's time to fight back. We have our sexual integrity support group, which is a confidential space inside the lion's den for men who are ready to step into the light and pursue real freedom. This isn't just for guys in crisis, by the way. It's for any man who's tired of the cycle, who's tired of living in secret, who's tired of saying this is gonna be the last time. Look, most guys don't need another app or some rules. They need some brothers to come alongside them to say you're not the only one. This doesn't define you. And freedom is possible. So look, inside our group, you're gonna find a confidential, judgment-free forum to engage and ask questions. You'll have honest conversations without commendation. And you'll also have a monthly call with a trusted guide. So look, this isn't just about stopping pornography, it's about becoming a man of integrity, a man aligned, a man who lives in freedom, not secrecy. And you don't have to clean yourself up first to come. You just have to step in. So our sexual integrity support group is found inside the lion's den. And you can start that today with a 30-day free trial. So if you're ready to stop fighting alone and need that extra support, start your 30-day free trial right now at thelionwithin.us. That's thhelionwithin.us and step inside the lion's den. All right, now let's think about where anger comes from. James in chapter 4, the first first says, What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? Okay, that's that's some scripture worth thinking about. Uh, and one of the deepest fears that stirs my anger is the fear that I'm not needed. Okay, that fear has driven a lot of emotional outbursts. And I'm um I don't care to admit them, but I'm willing to do that because hopefully it's helpful for you. And there's a very like memorable, uh memorable rather Andy Griffith show that shows this perfectly. And if for you guys didn't know, like I'm an Andy Griffith, like like PhD and Mayberry baby, let's go. But in this episode, uh, AB, she leaves town for the weekend and she leaves Andy and Opie in charge of the house. Okay. And and naturally, you got two bachelors there, things just kind of spiral into a mess. Okay, we've got dishes everywhere, clothes everywhere. It's it's it's a dumpster fire. But before she returns, they were like, you know what? We need to clean this up. So they go into full cleanup mode, and they were storing everything back to order, okay? And when they finish, they're sitting there on the couch, and Opie's tired, and Andy's tired, and it's this beautiful moment. And Opie says, Won't she be proud of us, Paul? Seeing how we can get along without her. And buddy, that line hits. I mean, that hits hard. And you can see the look on Andy's face. And what happened, he realized that his well-intended cleanup effort, right, had unintentionally sent a message to Aunt B. And that message was, we don't need you. So to fix this, the episode's great. They actually undo their hard work and just they want to show her how much she's missed and how valued she was. It's beautifully done. And that story resonates with me because I felt that stink before in my own life. Particularly when my wife, she goes out of her way to help me, and I don't perceive it as kindness or love. Instead, I start feeling threatened. How ridiculous is that? I start interpreting her efforts uh as proof that I'm replaceable. My pride doesn't like that, boys. I mean, it just doesn't. And I'm thinking through moments, and one moment stands out, and and I had a meeting that ran long, and it was delaying my ability to get out and start with the evening feeding on the farm. And by the time I got out, everything was done. I mean, everything was done. And uh, including a few extra things that are usually my responsibility because they're hard to do, but she had done it. And rather than being grateful, I got angry. I was frustrated, I started criticizing, and it makes no sense. And I started thinking about why, why? This makes no sense. And then I started thinking about this verse. This issue wasn't her actions. Her actions were noble, they were great, they were heartfelt. This was something I was battling inside. My fear of being seen as unnecessary stirred up a selfish desire to protect my role. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 12:45

And that that blessing she was trying to extend to me, I received it as a threat. And here's straight up that's pride, that's the flesh, and that's a sin. And what actually happened was far more beautiful, but I missed it.

Pride, Marriage, And Misread Help

Break: Health Stronghold

Righteous Vs Reckless Anger

Coaching, Parents, And Boundaries

Discernment And Holy Boldness

Break: Pray With Your Wife Guide

Quick To Listen, Slow To Anger

Chris Grainger 13:04

She was making an active contribution of commitment, not need. And I was misinterpreting that, that act of commitment, as a reflection of her not needing me. And I tell you what, in the reality, the relationship is far healthier. Our relationship is definitely healthier when based on commitment rather than need. It just is. And wrestling with that has been difficult, but it's been illuminating. And maybe you felt it. As men, we all feel the constant need to prove our worth. And when that sense of value is challenged, our reflex is what? Usually wrath. But God's showing us a different way. Scripture is inviting us to take a look deeper, to slow down, to reflect, to ask, what's driving this emotion right now? For me, it was fear not being enough. But God's words remind me that my worth isn't found in what I do, but in whose I am. See how that works? So let's not react to love with fear, guys. We have to receive those blessings, particularly from others, and maybe it's your spouse, as blessings, right? And trust that our identity is secure in Him. So be careful and think about how pride is shaping your reaction, particularly to the ones you love. So now we're gonna take a break, guys, and we'll keep unpacking this thought of anger and how we can uh redeem it the right way. We'll be right back. It's time to stop neglecting the body that God gave you. And we're done making excuses and watching discipline slip. So we decided it's time to rebuild strength the right way. And we have our Health Stronghold Support Group, which is a dedicated space inside the Lion's Den, specifically for men who are ready to steward their bodies with discipline and purpose. Look, this is not just for guys trying to lose weight. Let's just clear that up. This is for guys who know that energy affects you how you lead, your habits affect how you lead your family, and discipline affects your calling. And most guys don't need another workout plan or some extreme diet ideas. They need a stronghold. They need to have a place where they can hear other men say that I fall into. I want consistency, not shortcuts. So inside our health stronghold, you're gonna find real conversations around physical health and discipline, honest discussions about habits, setbacks, and progress, and encouragement for men pursuing strength. This comes with a monthly call with one of our trusted guides as well. So look, it's not about vanity, it's about stewardship. It's a place to train without shame and pursue strength without comparison. You don't have to impress anybody. You don't have to have it all figured out. You just gotta show up. So the health stronghold is found inside the lion's den. And you can start a 30-day free trial today. So if you're ready to stop drifting, head over to thelionwithin.us. That's thhelionwithin.us. And hop inside the lion's den. Start your 30-day free trial and get started today at thelionwithin.us. All right now, fellas. Now let's think about two words here. Still thinking about anger. Righteous and reckless. Okay. And so in Mark 3.5, it says he looked around at them in anger and deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts and said to them, Stretch out your hand. And he stretched it out, his hand was completely restored. And we love that picture, that visualization of Jesus restoring that man's hand. But he was not happy in that moment. And think about this like I love coaching kids' sports. I absolutely love it. And over the years, I have had the opportunity to try many different sports as they've dipped their toes into different athletics. And coaching is great because it gives you countless teachable moments, right? Any of you guys who coach, you know what I'm talking about. But something that's caught me by surprise is how it can bring out anger, right? That's not always in a bad way either, uh, because coaching has helped me see the difference between righteous and reckless anger, okay? And I'm hopefully these reflections are going to resonate with you on your journey. So let's just think about what righteous is first, okay? Righteous is rooted in right standing before God. I mean, that's how I try to remember it, okay? It's outward facing, it's concerned with injustice, defending others, uh particularly from a coaching standpoint if I'm standing up for players under my care. Reckless is amber-facing. Okay, that's that's that's ego-driven, it's frustration, it's pride. It's a leading indicator there, is that our our hearts are there's just it's all about us. And from the sidelines, I've seen righteous anger rise when young players are torn down by overzealous parents. Like maybe it's that dad who pushes too much or that helicopter mom, and their harsh words, usually shouted from the stands, can crush their confidence. I mean, so quickly. And in those moments, someone's got to stand in the gap and got to speak life and encouragement both on the field and in private. And that, and at times, that means having some difficult conversations with the parents. Because you're not trying to shame them, but you're trying to guide them towards seeing the unintended damage that they're doing. And some of those parents are gonna receive it well, but some won't. But when righteous anger stirs, doing nothing may mean that we're missing God, the opportunity that He's given us to act. Now, let's take a look at the reckless part. And I got a PhD in reckless, by the way. I had a PhD in Mayberry, and I got a PhD in reckless anger too. So it tends to surface when I disagree with the call from a umpire. Okay, it's like or a referee. And something inside me believes that this person who usually paid peanuts, they're doing it because they love the game. Uh, they're this person, I've I've determined that they're out to sabotage my team. That sounds ridiculous, saying it out loud. And like these ain't professionals, they're doing their best, right? And they get more hate than they do praise, don't they? And this reckless anger just blinds me. And it makes me lose sight of the very people I'm supposed to lead. And here's the hard truth, guys. As men, we're wired to protect and to fight for what matters. But if we fight the wrong battles, we end up hurting the right people. That's why I'm learning to see anger as not as a weapon, but as a tool. Because Jesus shows us this distinction very clearly. And Mark, he expresses his righteous anger in response to heart to the hard heart that they had and the injustice. He wasn't reckless with it. No, he is intentional. He was driven always by truth and love. And there's the key there is discernment. That's what separates this holy boldness from a harmful reaction. So where does this leave us? I don't know, maybe the right reframe to think about is to be men who don't run from anger, but learn to wield it rightly. And that's meaning ask that means that we gotta ask God to help us discern when our anger reflects his heart, okay? And then when does it reflect our flesh? Because when our strength is underneath his control, anger can restore, not destruct. So just think about what triggers your reckless anger. Okay, guys, you know you got your triggers. I know you do. Because I have them too. And when have you stood up recently for someone who's been mistreated? That's worth thinking about as well. All right, guys, we're gonna take our last break, we'll be right back. If there's one habit that can change your home, it's this when a husband prays with his wife, not because it's a magic formula, but because it recenters your marriage under God's authority and care. And let's be honest, a lot of guys want to do it, but most don't know how to start without it feeling awkward. Maybe you tried it before and it felt forced, or maybe you've never tried it because you don't even know what to say. Or maybe you're thinking, man, I'm not a pastor, I'm just a guy. And that's why we created this guide. It's our how to pray with your wife. Simple guide. It's biblical, it's practical, and it's designed to help you start praying with your wife in a way that actually feels natural. So it's a five-section guide and it gives you a simple framework to get started. Okay, it makes sure everything is grounded in scripture, and it also has a powerful PDF that you can pull up whenever you need, especially when things get off, because they're gonna get off. That's normal. So this is all about reclaiming your marriage and reclaiming the spiritual leadership reigns of your home because praying with your wife is one of the strongest ways to fight for unity, to build trust, and to right the ship when life starts to pull you off a course. So if you're ready, get access today at the lionwithin.us slash guides. That's the lionwithin.usguides, and start unleashing the lion within at home by leading your marriage through prayer. All right, guys, now for this as we wrap up this thought on anger, let's let's consider how can we choose a better response. And James, again, chapter one, it tells us everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger, because the human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Okay, great scripture, book of James. Love it. And quick responses often lead to harsh consequences. And I'm gonna tell you what, nothing has shown me this more directly than being a dad. Because Fatherhood has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. And simultaneously, one of the most refining. It's real. Because I got teenagers and toddlers on the roof right now, okay? And I've been painfully aware of how unchecked anger can damage so much. And I've seen this surface in my little boy. Uh and he's, you know, two and a half years, three years old, but yeah, he's not a 25 year old. He he's very young. He's already showing signs of emotional outbursts. Yeah, he'll have these rage filled tantrums, or he'll clench his fist up. And uh, I mean, yeah, old boys even throwing some punches from time to time. And that most of that stuff is learned behavior. Now, I'm not throwing punches. But he's seen some of this other stuff. He's mimicking what he sees in me and those around him, i.e., his sisters. Okay. His older sisters are seizing in sibling rivalry, right? But he's watching that, but he's also watching me a lot. He sees when I raise my voice, he raises his. He sees when I slam a door because he'll start slamming stuff too. He'll see when I throw a tool out in the barn, right? Because he thinks it's fair game. We just start throwing stuff everywhere. And that weight is sobering. He's absorbing my actions like a sponge. And it's not just him. Anger, when it's left to grow, like in a room or in a group of men, it spreads like wildfire. One negative spark can raise the temperature for everyone. That's why the words of James right here have to be a lifeline for us, guys. Quick to hit, quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. James is showing us a better way. A challenge to respond thoughtfully, not react impulsively. This is the essence of self-control. It's one of the fruits of the spirit. So what does this look like for us dudes who have anger? Now for me, it means we have to, I have to take a purposeful pause, what I call it, a purposeful pause. I need to step out the room. I need to take some deep breaths, okay? Uh and then most importantly, guys, in that purposeful pause, I got to invite God in. All right, God, what am I missing? Please help me in this situation. And this is not a sign of weakness, guys. This is a spark, this is a mark of spiritual maturity when you can do this. And you're not going to get this right every time. So give yourself some grace, because I don't get it right every time. But there's going to be a moment when your mouth outruns your maturity, right? And when that happens, give yourself some grace. But also repent from it. Don't start making excuses. Own it, fellas. Apologize, reset, and reflect. And it's in the reflection that allows us to make more sense of what caused us to be angry to start with. And then if we can recognize that, then we can probably see it when it comes up again in the future. And then we have the ability to make different choices. And when we start doing that, we're modeling something powerful for those around us. We're showing what we redeemed. We're showing self-control and the strength. What does that really look like? And that type of example, guys, can change everything. Especially for those little eyes that are watching every move. So think about this as we kind of wrap this up. Again, how do you typically respond when anger rises up? I I know how I respond. I've gone through a lot of that in this episode here today. But what does that look like for you? You know, again, scripture is a mirror, right? Definitely is a map. It's supposed to guide and direct it, it's supposed to mirror as well. So hopefully some of these verses have helped you reframe and can reconsider how anger looks, manifests in your life. And look, if you still have struggles with anger, if you still feel like this is something you can't get your head, your your hands around and you need help, reach out. Guys, we started the line within us so that guys can come together and have genuine conversation, connection, reflections, and just engagement with other guys, not just on surface level crap. I'm just gonna be honest. We're talking about real stuff. We're talking about the anger in our marriages, we're talking about the issues with pornography, we're talking about financial woes and hardships and career decisions and guys, anxiety, stress, all the stuff that guys that we deal with day in and day out, but we have there's just so few places to go have meaningful conversations about this and to get support. You know, we're not therapists, but we are led by the Holy Spirit. And we're ever we're bringing everything back to Scripture. And we're gonna try to do all we can at the Lion to help you see that in a new light. And if that sounds encouraging to you, man, go start the LionWithin.us right now and get started with this. If you need to start free, just start on the Daily Spiritual Kickoff. I would encourage you to start the Lion's Den. We do a free trial. Just jump in the Lion's Den so you can start coming to some of our events. They're all virtual, they're Google Meets, and plug and plug in with us there. Or go ahead and sign up for the live event and come to that live event. We have them. Well, right now, I don't know when this episode is coming out. I can't remember. But this one's but we have our spring event in April, and we're looking to do more events as well. So there's lots of opportunities to learn. There's lots of opportunities to plug in. There's lots of opportunities to engage. Maybe you need to be in a mastermind. Maybe you really need that that focused intention on growing. This was all we this is the mastermind was built, fellas, to help serve you in these areas. So again, thelionwithin.us, get connected with us there. Okay, that's how you get started. You can also find us on the Bible app. I always like to give shout outs to the Bible apps. Open up the Bible app, follow us on that. Just search for the Lion Within us, you'll find us there. And guys, I highly encourage you, don't stop doing this alone. Stop, stop doing this and being angry all the time. And if you feel like, you know, um your constant state of mind or just who you are lately, it's just an angry dude. Hey, it does have to stay that way. We're here to support, we're here to serve, we're here to help. Head over to the Lion Within. That's thelionwithin.us. Get connected today. All right, guys. Look, we're you know, on our front Fridays now, we have member spotlights. Cannot wait for you to meet this next member that's gonna be coming up. So I hope you come back and hang out with us there. Give us a rating and review. That stuff still does matter, fellas. So if you if you haven't done a rating and review yet and you listen to the show, like go ahead and just pop over. Like just write one or two sentences, give us a five star or however many stars it is, give us a rating. That helps big time. Other than that, the lionwithin.us connect with us there. We'll see you next time. And just remember to keep unleashing the lion within. Let's just say it out loud. Marriage is one of the greatest gifts that God can give a man, and one of the most consistent places where we can feel unsure of what we're doing. Even the strongest marriages have moments where you look at your wife and you think, you know what? I love you. I'm so committed to you. But right now, I have no idea what I should do next. And that's why we launched something new inside the lion within us community. It's our very first support group. And it's for husbands. And we're calling it committed and occasionally confused. This isn't just a place for men in crisis. Though if you're there, hey, you're welcome. This is for any man who refuses to coast and wants to take his marriage from good to great. So inside, you'll find an active chat and a feed, honest conversations, and brotherhood that says, you're not alone. We've been there. Let's bring this to God and grow. And we're also doing a monthly couples night where your wife is invited because we're not letting the world set the agenda for our homes. Now, if you want access to this support group, it's very simple. Go to thelionwithin.us and join the Lion's Den. Okay, that's the LionWithin.us. Start your 30-day free trial of the Lions Den community, and boom, you have instant access to the committed and occasionally confused support group. We'll see you inside the den.