Speaker 1: 0:53

Welcome to the Lion Within Us, a podcast serving Christian men who are hungry to be the leaders God intends you to be. I'm your host, chris Granger. Let's jump in. All right, guys, meat episode time. Let's get into it, okay? So the scripture of the week this week is Colossians 3.13. It says bear with each other and forgive one another. If any of you has a grievance against someone, forgive, as the Lord forgave you. Guys, I unpacked that verse in our spiritual kickoff episode so hopefully you get a chance to go back and listen to that, really trying to give you ways to simplify and apply that to your life. As a reminder, we do that Monday through Friday in our line within us community your daily spiritual kickoffs, what we call it. So go to the line withinus. That's completely free, bro. Like you got no excuses for that one. We just give it away. We don't post that content anywhere else. So if you're just looking for that daily little boost, so much better than anything that junk you get from Starbucks, head over to TheLionWithinus and get started today.

Speaker 1: 1:47

Okay, the whole idea for this week, fellas, is fighting for our marriage. I wrote this Devo called I'm just a guy fighting for my marriage. Guys seem to really be liking it because, at the end of the day, the evil one wants your marriage to fail. He did that for me 2015. It happened and and I know he wants to steal, kill, destroy everything good that God has designed, and I'm done. I'm done being a victim and I'm done for guys being victims and it's time to fight back, and that's what this is all about, okay, so I'm telling for guys being victims and it's time to fight back, and that's what this is all about, okay. So I'm just going to give you a couple of reflections on that and hopefully you'll find some encouragement in this podcast episode. It's just me today. This is one where we just unpack some of the writing because we take the time to do that and I know not not all of you guys go to the Bible app and stuff like that. So, hey, we put on here on the podcast. Hopefully you enjoy it, okay.

Speaker 1: 2:35

And it like at the very beginning of marriage. We have to recognize that it's a choice and we just have to. I mean, first, corinthians talks about being patient, being kind, not immune, not boast. Like you go, you get to all, all the verses in the, the way the Bible talks about love in 1 Corinthians 13. Like that, you've been to any wedding in your life. You've heard those verses and All right, it is a choice.

Speaker 1: 3:00

And I think about the first words that I said when I saw a picture of my wife. It was like who is that? Like whoa, because I saw a picture of her and I was captivated, man. I was captivated by her smile. I'm still captivated by her smile, and at that point in my life that when I saw her, the sting of the divorce that I had just went through it was fresh, bro, it was really fresh. And so the whole idea of opening up to someone new, that was scary. And I had a decision to make. Am I going to take the risk of experiencing further pain and put myself out there, or I'm going to stay safe and isolated? Because at least if I isolate myself I won't get hurt? At least I didn't think I would, because I was in control.

Speaker 1: 3:43

And that initial choice to take a risk led God to reveal what he truly had in mind when he created that whole covenant of marriage. I didn't recognize that. And look, our journey's had its shares of peaks and valleys, just like everything else, but the commitment to choose each other daily has never waned One bit, and God blesses us each day. And each day also is an opportunity to honor the vow we made. And we didn't make a vow to each other, we made that vow to him.

Speaker 1: 4:17

Okay, and when I start thinking about our relationship today, back to when we were dating, man, so much has changed, bro. So much has changed. I mean, hey, my pants a little bit tighter, hers are too. It's all good, but we've both grown in our thoughts and our beliefs. We've had different experiences, you know, and we've gone through these different seasons and trials and they're each shaping us in different ways. I mean, we've gone through changed careers, we've moved a couple of times, we've had a couple of babies and we've lost a child together. I mean, I'm telling you there's nothing that could have prepared me as a man for the adventure that began after. I said I do, and I don't know.

Speaker 1: 5:04

Maybe that's why 1 Corinthians 13 is hit so hard, because it gives us a glimpse of what love looks like in action. Because those words are just that. They're just words until we start living them out. You see, what I'm saying and that's where the challenge lies is the application of the words. Knowing what loves is is one thing, okay. Choosing to live it out is hard, it's inconvenient and sometimes it costs a lot of money. And that's where that refinement happens, though, because love, to me, could be described as the aligned action of developing a meaningful family life. You know, I find my wife beautiful in many activities, but sometimes even more when she's just doing the work, like she's just doing the work on the farm or helping our family, like those are the times where I fall in love with her the most, and that's where we continue to be renewed and aligned.

Speaker 1: 6:07

And Hollywood, let's just be real. And social media, too, social media sucks, let's just be honest about that. They've just distorted all this stuff about what God intends for love, and then we start finding ourselves, pushing ourselves, comparing ourselves to a standard. It's just not fair, it's completely false, and I've had to do a reframe, and maybe this will help you. The filtered version of love is transactional and short term, but choosing your spouse daily I'm talking about daily bro, flaws, mess, beauty, all of it that's long term and that's an avenue for personal and relationship growth, and it always works best when we keep Christ at the center, because love is not some feeling. It's a choice, and when we choose to love the way Christ showed us day in, day out, we build something so much stronger than any just fleeting emotion could sustain. And we have to be careful as guys in looking for also what are the things that distract us from pursuing our spouse each day. And once you recognize what those restraints are and what those distractions are, then you got to go on attack bro, attack mode. Okay. Then also our marriage.

Speaker 1: 7:31

Marriage in general selflessness something to think about marriage in general. Selflessness. Something to think about. Ephesians talks about husband loving our wives just as Christ left the church and gave himself up. Right, I get that.

Speaker 1: 7:43

Then I start hearing these movie lines, like Jerry Maguire, where he says you complete me, and I get it, man, it makes for a powerful moment on the screen. But I don't know if that's true, though, because as much as I love her, my wife can't complete me because she's a sinner, and I can't complete her either because that's a pretty unfair burden that I put on her and no one human can carry. The completion only comes, at least as far as I can see, from Christ, and what marriages I think at least my marriage needs isn't completion. It's selflessness. And I start thinking back to when I started first dating my wife and I wanted to get to know her and there were sacrifices I wanted to make, and one of those sacrifices was buying some opera tickets.

Speaker 1: 8:37

Look, I grew up in the South y'all. I should be honest, the closest I came to the opera was like Bugs Bunny and the Viking Helmet let's just be real. And, by the way, that is a classic, am I not right? But ain't the same? I mean, I felt like a straight up boy in a china shop when I went to the opera with her and I asked more questions than you probably should ask. And, by the way, you shouldn't yell, play free bird at a cop at opera. That's completely frowned upon, but that's another. You know that's a sidebar, but at the moment I wasn't trying to impress her, I was trying to get to know her. Right, it wasn't about me, it's about learning her, learning what she loved and reflecting back. That was selflessness and action.

Speaker 1: 9:19

She's done the same for me motorcycles and races and pretending to be interested in stuff that I'm interested in and we've discovered that our marriage grows strongest when we stop looking inward and start leaning outward. We let go of that idea of what's in it for me and instead focus on what does my spouse need? And that's what Paul's really challenging us here in Ephesians, because he didn't Christ, he didn't just love us with words, no, he gave himself up fully, sacrificially, intentionally, and that's a model and a mission we're pursuing. And that's a model and a mission we're pursuing, and my sense is that when we look at the world this way as a place to say, where can I serve? You know not, what can I get from it, we're a whole lot more aligned to God's intention. And then our marriage has become a whole lot more aligned. See how that works. And that little reframe of seeking to pursue what I can do to make this marriage more fulfilling to my partner, that's when the fruit starts being produced.

Speaker 1: 10:27

And this is not easy stuff, fellas, but it is totally worth it. So just think about that. Are you placing some unrealistic expectations on your wife? And, if so, what do you need to do to start reframing that? All right, guys, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. We'll keep unpacking this idea. I've got something big to share. We're making a major shift because we know the battle is real and it's time more men had access to the support they need.

Speaker 1: 10:58

For too long, guys have been trying to carry the weight alone pressure at work, tension at home, wounds from the past in a world that demands strength but offers no place to rest. We see it, we've lived it, and that's exactly why we built our community. It's a stronghold, a place where warriors can find rest, truth and a band of brothers standing beside them. And starting now, we're making it easier than ever to step in. We've lowered the barrier to just $15.99 a month. That means, for less than the cost of a drive-thru lunch, you can join a brotherhood that's centered on Christ and built for growth. Inside you'll find access to our daily spiritual kickoffs every Monday through Friday, our Lion Lunches, our Bible Studies, our Friday Forge Gatherings all that and so much more. Every man needs a stronghold and you don't have to fight alone. If you've been waiting for the right time to jump in, this is it. Go to thelionwithinus and join the community and see for yourself what happens when iron truly sharpens iron. All right, fellas.

Speaker 1: 12:00

Now when you think about trust okay, in Genesis 33, you kind of get Jacob and Esau the reconciliation there. Then you get that embrace where Esau ran to meet Jacob and they embraced him. We had that complete moment of trust back together and naturally, be honest, I'm just not a natural trusting person. Okay, and that's been a hurdle for our marriage and, after being hurt a few times by the people that I trusted, I found it easier just to build up walls than risk being hurt again and the walls that my wife has had to deal with. The crazy part is, most of those walls weren't built because of anything she did. They were scars from other people from other seasons of life. Yet she's the one who had to climb them, man, and, quite frankly, sometimes she gets the most guarded, distance, distant version of me, and that's not because she's untrustworthy, she's the most trustworthy person I know Because. But she gets that because I've let that past pain shape my, my, present posture. And yet that girl still stays man. She stays with me, she tells me over and over she ain't going nowhere and her quiet strength and unwavering commitment to our marriage have started really softening the walls.

Speaker 1: 13:26

And I'm learning that trust is a two-way street, because it doesn't grow by staying safe, guys. I do know that it grows when we choose, as men, to open up. Okay, because it doesn't grow by staying safe God, I do know that it's. It grows when we choose, as men, to open up, okay, and and cause men. Let's face it we're, we're raised and you're not supposed to be weak. We're supposed to keep your cars close to you and trust nobody. Right, that's things, at least that we just for the South, that's stuff we talked about. Then you get married and suddenly you're supposed to just tell everybody right and just be vulnerable. That just wasn't for me and that transition is hard. But those worldly mindsets of keeping it all in don't build a godly marriage. They build isolation, they build distance and suspicion.

Speaker 1: 14:21

And then Genesis 33, like what an incredible moment between two brothers who absolutely hated each other. They completely had just reasons to stay divided because there had been significant betrayal and the wounds were real. But when you see, when they embraced each other, they wept and that's a beautiful picture of reconciliation. And it wasn't easy and it wasn't instant, but it was possible, because in marriage, trust is going to be tested, it just will. Sometimes it's going to be broken. But what are you going to do when it does happen? Because rebuilding that trust doesn't just happen through words alone. It takes humility to admit that we failed and it takes action to show up and to show that we're changing. But it also takes time to let the healing do its work. So if you're working on rebuilding trust that's been lost or tearing down old walls that shouldn't be there in the first place, recognize that God is in the business of restoration. Boys OK, he restored Jacob and Esau. He can restore your marriage. Just trust his timing. Okay, and lean in.

Speaker 1: 15:47

And the final area we're going to talk about for this simple idea for marriage is utilizing prayer as a weapon. In Philippians it tells us don't be anxious about anything Right, but in every situation, by prayers and petition with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And I'll be straight up. Sometimes I've been a hypocrite about praying with my wife. I've written articles, guys, I've done talks about this with rooms full of men, I've done podcasts about it and I've sat knee-to-knee, eyeball-to-eyeball with guys challenging them to pray with their spouse. And yet every few months I find myself like dang. We've been praying together. That rhythm slips again and again and I'm sharing my personal struggle with that with you for one simple reason Grace, grace, grace.

Speaker 1: 16:47

Because if you decide to pray to your wife, the enemy is going to notice. He's going to do all he can to throw a curveball at you. He's going to throw distractions, he's going to make you tired, because there's nothing more dangerous to the enemy than a husband and a wife who pray together. And a praying couple becomes difficult to divide and powerful in spirit. And my encouragement to you, as one guy to another, is just simply this bro, lean into the heart, hold her hand, speak the words, even if they're clunky, don't worry about it, man. Just lay down your requests together before the Father, who wants your marriage to thrive. And I'm not going to give you a formula or a perfect time of the day. That's for you to figure out, man, between you and your wife. But I will tell you this it starts with you and, as a spiritual leader of your home, the responsibility is yours, not hers.

Speaker 1: 17:48

And I've learned more than once how easy it is to blame Becca. Why aren't we praying together? It was my fault. It's ridiculous for me to say that. Remember, boy, god had picked you to lead, not because you're perfect, but because you're his. So go to him in prayer, with her beside her, humble, trusting and thanking him. So don't see it as a burden, See it as a weapon, because you're in the fight, and I honor that.

Speaker 1: 18:25

Guys, if you listen to this, you're fighting, you're looking at love as a daily choice, you're thinking about selflessness, you're thinking about conflict, you're thinking about trust and how to rebuild that, and now you're anchoring your home in prayer. Guys, lean in, be present, because that's the type of man that God uses to protect, provide and preside over our marriages, and our marriage doesn't build on these grand gestures and big vacations. No, man, it's in the quiet moments where we surrender, where we sacrifice, where we show up, where we choose her, where we forgive, where we show up, where we choose her, where we forgive, where we lead. Because every time when you lean in right, it's particularly when it's easier to check out, when you speak life to her, when you're tired, when you pray, when it's inconvenient, when you do those things, guys, you're not just surviving marriage, you're fighting for it. God's way, I just encourage you to stay in the battle, because the lion within you let's just be real. You're made for this.

Speaker 1: 19:41

So, fellas, we've talked about a lot on this episode and I felt like I went too fast. I don't know. I'm still learning how to pace myself with some of this. I just know one thing Marriage is hard, it can be war, but it's worth it. Until we put Christ at the center, you're going to find yourself struggling. I don't want you to struggle. I want you to thrive, to absolutely thrive. But it starts by surrendering to Him and then choosing to follow Him every day as a couple. So that's my encouragement to you guys. Thanks for listening.

Speaker 1: 20:27

Thelionwithinus is where you can find all our resources. You guys know what they are Daily Spiritual Kickoff, community Leadership Mastermind. If you're struggling in your marriage right now and you need someone to talk, to, go to thelinewithinus and let's connect, okay, let's connect. There's all sorts of ways to connect with me on the website. You're not in this fight alone, okay. You're not in this fight alone. Sign up for anything. I'll send you a note, I promise, and from there we'll jump on a call. Okay, it could be the weekly rule or whatever. Just get a free download or something. Just something to get me your email address. I'll send you a note, we'll jump on a call and we'll go to battle in prayer for your marriage together. All right, guys, good afternoon, come back for our fun Friday episode. Look forward to seeing you next time and keep unleashing the lion within.