Chris Grainger: 1:10

Welcome to the Lion Within Us, a podcast serving Christian men who are hungry to be the leaders God intends you to be. I'm your host, chris Granger. Let's jump in. All right, fellas, this is meat episode time. Let's get into it, okay? So the scripture of the week this week is the book of 1 Corinthians, the 7th chapter, the 26th verse. Okay, because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is, and we'll be unpacking that really that verse a lot today in our conversation, but we also unpack that in our spiritual kickoff episode. So just back up one of your podcast feed. When we take this verse, we try to simplify and apply it to our life as Christian men. And look, we do this Monday through Friday within the Lion Within Us community. We call it our daily spiritual kickoff. So if you are encouraged by the content, the messages that you're getting from the Lion Within Us podcast, hey, monday through Friday, we do this. And guess what? It's completely free. It's just our way of serving and encouraging you and your journey. You can come along every morning, live, or check out the post recordings that we don't put anywhere else other than right there within the line within us. So head over to the line withinus to get started today.

Chris Grainger: 2:20

Okay, so we've got a return guest this week. I'm super pumped up Bob Wheatley, bestselling author, podcaster. He is a former pro athlete, guys. If you remember, he was on a show about two years ago and he's doing a lot of great things out there and he's focusing really on the whole idea of singleness because he's spent a lot of time, obviously, in his life. He finds himself in this season of singleness and he's put together a wonderful resource that we're going to talk about.

Chris Grainger: 2:54

It's. It's live now. It just hit, just just just came out. So hopefully you guys are going to enjoy this, particularly for you guys that are single out there. Okay, and maybe you just haven't found that spouse yet and you're just you're searching. Bob's going to unpack it. He's going to hopefully give you some encouragement. He played four years of pro ball for the Blue Jays and the Cardinals. Fun guy, full of energy, lots of wisdom, working through the season. Right now he's actually in the season of singleness. Hopefully you're going to enjoy this and just sit back and soak in the wisdom from Bob Wheatley. Welcome back to the Lion man. How are you doing today?

Bob Wheatley: 3:36

I'm doing great Better now. Good to talk to you.

Chris Grainger: 3:38

You too man.

Bob Wheatley: 3:39

Long time. No see, it's been too long.

Chris Grainger: 3:41

It's been. I was looking like two years man. It's crazy. Since we connect, I feel like it was just yesterday. But time flies when you're having fun the length of an eye. That's it, man. So what's new with you in two years? What's new on Bob's radar?

Bob Wheatley: 3:57

Yeah, still chugging along. I know when we first connected is around my first book, our Heart's Desire. I love to write, I love to read, and so ended up cranking out a second book and hadn't really planned on it. It was just kind of happened. But everything's great. I'm supposed to be, uh. Uh, I'll be an uncle a couple of times over this fall, which is nice. So, yeah, both brother and a sister are expecting, which is awesome. So I'll be uncle Bob for the first time, which I'm looking forward to. And, yeah, everything, everything's great.

Chris Grainger: 4:29

I'm excited to be here man, you're gonna be a fun uncle man. I can already tell you're gonna be the uncle they want to come hang out with. That's up, that's good. I hope so.

Bob Wheatley: 4:37

I hope so though I'm sure they'll make it easy. Yeah, I have a bunch of friends now that are getting married. They have young kids and, man, it is just so fun to to be around them and see them grow. So, yeah, now that'll have Wheatleys that are running around doing that it'll be an awesome thing.

Chris Grainger: 5:00

That's cool, man, that's cool. Well, I know this project that's live now, by the way, guys, but it's out around single-minded. It's something that's been on your heart and maybe just break down the whole framework around what single-minded is, because the Christian world it can be very difficult for us to think this way.

Bob Wheatley: 5:17

Yeah, totally so. The name of the book is Single-Minded Finding Purpose and Strength in your Season of Singleness. I'm 33, single, no wife, no kids, and I've always wanted to be married. I've always wanted to be a husband, always wanted to be a father and for some reason that just has not been written into my story just yet. And, whether right or wrong, I grew up, I was the oldest kid. I I'm literally named after my father, so I'm Bob Jr, and I always assumed that my life would follow a similar path to his. It doesn't have to be a carbon copy, but my parents mom and dad met in college, fell in love there, got married quickly, Then they had me at 28 years old. So my whole life, like I said, whether right or wrong, I was kind of looking at my dad, bob senior, and saying, okay, this is basically how my life will unfold. Then, all of a sudden, when you turn 28 and there's no wife, no kids, turn 29, 30, 31, 32, you're like, shoot, I'm falling behind. And so in the first chapter of the book I share this story where, like I said, I love to read and I was reading this book called Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxas and, like, like in most books. When I was reading I was finding a lot of things in Dietrich Bonhoeffer that I found in myself just his personality type and the way he went about life. And even our birthdays are on the same day. So it was just, it was very. I was seeing a lot of myself in him for hundreds of pages and the books 700 pages long or whatever it is. So you know, once I hit page 100, 150, 200, I'm just, I'm having this bromance with Dietrich Bonhoeffer. I'm like this dude is awesome. I want to walk in this guy's footsteps.

Bob Wheatley: 7:03

Then there was a quote by another pastor who was a mentor and friend of his. His name is Theodore Heckel and Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He was hanged by the Nazis at 39 years old. He was engaged to be married but he was never married. He always kind of went through his ministry as a single man. And this quote by Theodore Heckel as I'm in my Dietrich Bonhoeffer bromance moment. He says he's praising Bonhoeffer. He says he has, in addition, the special Pauline advantage in that he is unmarried the Pauline advantage of being unmarried. And I'm this guy.

Bob Wheatley: 7:45

I kind of had two things competing in my head. Number one I wanted to be like Dietrich Bonhoeffer because for 200 pages. He seemed really awesome. And then I also had the childhood version of Bob, or just the young man who wants to be a husband and father. So I had kind of those two competing things.

Bob Wheatley: 8:02

And then there's this quote, this catalyst moment in the middle, where being single for me at that point when I was reading it a late 20s guy, now an early 30s guy is a challenge. It's not something that I love. I do want to be married, I do want to be a father. But then I see this quote where Theodore Heckel is praising Bonhoeffer for being single. And that was just a, it was a really. That moment really stopped me in my tracks to consider okay, even though I don't, I hadn't planned on being single at 33 years old.

Bob Wheatley: 8:44

That has been my journey and based off of what the apostle Paul actually writes in 1 Corinthians 7, which is just an incredibly challenging passage in scripture where I'll just paraphrase but Paul is writing to the Christians in Corinth and he says hey guys, I, paul, am a single man trusted by God, and if I had it my way, you would remain single as I am. And he's saying that because the married man has divided interests, you're concerned not just with pleasing the Lord, you're also concerned with pleasing your wife. But he goes on to say that the single man has no such division, he can be wholeheartedly focused on God, and so bringing things full circle. That's why the name of my book is Single-Minded, sort of that double entendre, in that every single person has a single person's mind. But we also have a distinct advantage in our seasons of singleness to be wholeheartedly devoted to God, like an Apostle Paul, like a Dietrich Bonhoeffer. And that doesn't mean that you won't be married, but it does mean you're not married now. So how do you wrestle with that verse in first Corinthians seven where Paul says hey guys, if I had it my way, you would never get married, it would just be soldiers for the Lord, ready for deployment at all times.

Bob Wheatley: 10:07

That was a really challenging moment for me, and so what I did over time is I just continued to journal my thoughts and had different subjects that came up. There ended up being 30 different buckets of my life where I kind of invited Jesus in and said, ok, and you know, when it comes to my, my friendships, or when it comes to my work, when it comes to my sexuality, how would I, as a single person, approach these facets of me by inviting Jesus in. If I have more time, if I have more bandwidth and ability to truly be that single-minded, wholehearted disciple, what would my life look like? So I ended up writing the book as a 30 day challenge. It's just 10, 15 minutes a day.

Bob Wheatley: 10:55

There's 30 different areas of your life where you, as a single person, are finding the advantage that you have, and that's something that can be really overlooked because I mean, I don't want to, I don't want to blow smoke and pretend that being single is awesome. All the time there are distinct pain points and frustrations and you deal with loneliness. So it's not that the grass is greener on either side. The grass isn't greener as a single person. The grass isn't greener as a married person. There's pros and cons with both seasons of life.

Bob Wheatley: 11:30

Where I am today as a single person, I just want to encourage other other believers that are struggling in this season, that maybe haven't read about a Dietrich Bonhoeffer, that haven't read a first Corinthians seven and they feel like it's just this death wish where, oh man, my life will never start until I get married. That might be a good desire. That is slightly perverted, because in your Bible, that book on your nightstand, first Corinthians seven. It does say I, the apostle Paul, say if you are single, I wish you remained single. That's nuts. That's a really challenging and also very encouraging thing for somebody that's in that season. So basically, in a nutshell, my book is to help people crush it when they're single, just making the's in that season. So basically, in a nutshell, my book is to help people crush it when they're single, just making the most of that season.

Chris Grainger: 12:18

Well, I love the way you talked about the comparison that you had with your dad and your parents. I had the same, with no, I'd see. My parents got married right out of high school. My mom just turned 18 and two days later they got married and, and and that was my very similar to me because I got to be mid-20s, I wasn't married, didn't have a girlfriend, and get to be almost 30 years old. All right, what's going on? And the pressure just really built up and built up and. But you talked about you know many people die copycats and we're trying to be that copycat in life. I just think that really resonated man just versus. That holds us back from sometimes doing what God's called us to do, because if we're in a season of singleness, you've got a great opportunity to really bless a lot of people, if you see it that way. So I really appreciate you walking through that copycat. I hadn't thought about that before.

Bob Wheatley: 13:07

Yeah, and we make these assumptions about how our life is going to unfold. Usually our parents will have some sort of impact on that, maybe Hollywood movies but we write this script where we say, ok, this is, this is my perfect life, and then, all of a sudden, if our actual life deviates from that through line, we're like, all right, god's late to the party or God doesn't know what he's doing. It really it exposes the tension between our flesh and our spirit. It really it exposes the tension between our flesh and our spirit, our spirit. I believe, for the renewed believer, somebody with the Holy Spirit in them, we do want to trust God. We do want to believe that he's real and he's close and he has a purpose for our sufferings and all these different things. The flesh is a captive of the moment and if it hurts, if it's painful, then it must be bad and that's just not the case. But yeah, for me, going back to the copycat thing, just I have awesome parents, I had an awesome childhood and I assumed, okay, that's how life operates. But as I go through my own life and I Read more of read more scripture and internalize the stories there, or read about different Christians, saints, throughout history.

Bob Wheatley: 14:18

It is not always promised that you're going to be married with kids at 28 years old. Because your dad was that's right Like a CS Lewis. He wasn't married until his mid, late 50s Change the world. People are still reading his stuff, that's right. 50s Change the world. People are still reading his stuff. And it's not that in order to live, to have a life well lived, you have to be a CS Lewis and have millions of books that are read and stuff like that. I mean, the greatest person in the kingdom is the one who serves, but just understanding that God's direction for your life. If you're listening to this, you might very well have to walk through a season of singleness and not be in love with it. But what is God attaching to you? What is he grafting into you? Your strengths, your talents, your passions, maybe the burdens on your heart?

Bob Wheatley: 15:21

So I think sometimes and I talk about this in the book sometimes people, when they feel a very good desire to be married, a very good desire to be in companionship, sometimes we date sort of as a bandaidaid. We date too early or, even worse, we get married too early and this this is going to sound strange for for me to say, but we actually rob ourself of some suffering. I think we are so focused on if something is painful. We need to get out of that situation. But, like I was, I was an athlete my whole life and I would literally hire coaches, whether it's weight trainers or nutritionists.

Bob Wheatley: 16:04

I said, hey, you are a professional, this is the result that I want. Let's say, it's a weightlifting coach. I would pay that coach to hurt me on purpose. There's a specific program. We're doing 10 sets of 10. Here's the rest time, and it would hurt. My time in the gym would hurt, but coming out of that session, my body would be stronger, more resilient, ready for the next task.

Bob Wheatley: 16:29

And so and I talk about this in the book all pain is painful, but not all pain is harmful. All pain is painful, but not all pain is harmful. Sometimes we step into dating or even the wrong marriages because we're trying to avoid pain. Loneliness is painful. Isolation is painful. A lack of companionship is painful. I totally understand that. But not all pain is harmful to you. God might be doing something that you have. I mean, it says in the word that we have good works prepared in advance for us. You might have something that you're supposed to do five years from now that this season of singleness is preparing you for. That doesn't mean the pain goes away, right. It just means it'll make sense five years from now. It's like Joseph being sold into slavery. He had to wait 13 years from the dream to the fulfillment. 13 years in a Bible verse is very easy to fly through because it's one verse Turn of the page super easy.

Bob Wheatley: 17:31

Joseph was a human and he had to live 13 years. That is thousands of days. That took a long time. So yeah, it's. There are a lot of distinctive challenges within singleness, no question about it. But I wrote the book to help the single Christian really take advantage of that season as well, because it's both. It's both. It's just trusting God's direction 100%, 100%.

Chris Grainger: 18:02

Hey guys, we'll take our first break. We'll be right back. I've got something big to share. We're making a major shift because we know the battle is real and it's time more men had access to the support they need.

Chris Grainger: 18:15

For too long, guys have been trying to carry the weight alone pressure at work, tension at home, wounds from the past in a world that demands strength but offers no place to rest. We see it, We've lived it, and that's exactly why we built our community. It's a stronghold, a place where warriors can find rest, truth and a band of brothers standing beside them. And starting now, we're making it easier than ever to step in. We've lowered the barrier to just $15.99 a month. That means, for less than the cost of a drive-thru lunch, you can join a brotherhood that's centered on Christ and built for growth. Inside you'll find access to our daily spiritual kickoffs every Monday through Friday, our Lion Lunches, our Bible Studies, our Friday Forge Gatherings all that and so much more.

Chris Grainger: 19:00

Every man needs a stronghold and you don't have to fight alone. If you've been waiting for the right time to jump in, this is it. Go to thelionwithinus and join the community and see for yourself what happens when iron truly sharpens iron. You know, Bob, I'm super curious because you made a point in the book about, hey, as Christians we're not called to everything, and that discernment and understanding that that takes a level of maturity. And so what's your encouragement to that single person out there right now? It seems like options everywhere. There's options galore, but how do you lock it in, Okay, On what God truly is calling you to in that single season of life?

Bob Wheatley: 19:44

Yeah, I have an entire chapter of the book. It's called your silence and it's it's a daily exercise on that specific day. It's helping the reader to understand the value of silence and the value of space in their life. We live in such a noisy, busy culture where you have a million pings and you got a bunch of emails that are hitting your inbox every morning. Because we don't make room for silence, because we don't make room for space, make room for silence. Because we don't make room for space, it's almost hard to maybe hear what God is saying or even internalize what you yourself are thinking. So, yes, I mean, you're exactly right that we have so many options today, so many things that you could do. It's a very first world problem, but in a sense we're getting overwhelmed by that. If we were living with our ancestors 200 years ago and 80, 90% of us were farmers and we were just in the fields all day, we'd have time to think. Our bodies might be physically tired, but we'd have time to think, we'd have time to process and we'd have time if God is leading us in a specific direction. Our time would not be robbed by a bunch of different competing influences, and today that is one thing that you really have to protect against is every time you say yes to something, you're saying no to something else else. So if you are, let's say you want to, you want to go to the gym or you want to get into martial arts or you're joining a you know you're joining a cooking class or whatever. Your kids play Little League. Every yes means there's a no somewhere else. And yeses are fun. It's fun to say yes to the vacation, fun to say yes to the additional expenditure. So by leaving a little bit of space, a little bit of margin in your life, that will help you to be available. And I think that's one of the main advantages of somebody who is single because you don't have the spouse, you don't have the kids. With the Little League games, I'm speaking to somebody who has never been married. This isn't like a single mother, divorcee. This is somebody who's just waiting. If it is truly just you, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, style the Apostle Paul, then you do have the space, or at least you have the opportunity to have the space.

Bob Wheatley: 22:10

I tell a story in the book about a friend named connor, and connor is, you know, he's in his mid-40s at this point and at the age of 22 he made the determination yeah, I think I'm supposed to be celibate. I think I've been given the spiritual gift of celibacy. I will never be married. I'm not enticed by sex, I'm just going to be one of those quote unquote eunuchs for the kingdom. And now, 20 years later, he's still walking that out and he actually loves that lifestyle he's. I mean, he told me that two or three days a week he'll walk into his house and he'll say I am so glad that I'm not married. And he'll say I am so glad that I'm not married, and it's not because he doesn't like the fact of you know, of having a spouse, or he despises children or anything like that.

Bob Wheatley: 23:02

He is truly wired to be a single person. And so what does that do? That gives him a ton of space, that gives him a ton of bandwidth to be able to serve the church. So he's very involved in his church. He'll set up barbecues and picnics with 200 people. He'll go on mission trips to Africa at a second's notice. It's not difficult for him to say yes to those things because he doesn't have a spouse at home. He doesn't have a literally game tomorrow that he has to worry about. It is just him.

Bob Wheatley: 23:38

And so he's sitting before the Lord saying Lord, what do you have for me? That is and that's not to say that every single person listening to this is going to be a lifelong celibate not at all. But what it does mean is, if you are single right now, you do have more space is, if you are single right now, you do have more space. You have more space to serve your church. You have more space to figure out God's call for your life. You have more time to develop your talents. Maybe you want to be an author or a speaker, maybe you want to be a missionary? Okay, what does that entail? Because you're so available, god can just plug and play, and as long as you're being prayerful, I believe he'll have you walk right in the center of his will for your life. That's one of the main advantages and that's exactly what Paul talks about in first Corinthians seven. You do not have divided interests. You can be wholeheartedly devoted to the Lord. That's what it's all about.

Chris Grainger: 24:37

I'm super curious too, though. You mentioned church a few times Because when I think of church and the way that traditional churches are set up to serve they're heavy on children's programs, youth programs, senior adult programs, marriage programs, couples type stuff Do you think there's a gap there. Do you think they're serving the single community well? And if so, what are they doing well? And then maybe, what are some headwinds or some blind spots? If you had a magic wand, what do you think would serve better for the single community?

Bob Wheatley: 25:10

Yeah, Admittedly it is a tricky demographic, just because most people don't have that gift of celibacy like my friend Connor. Most people, if they are single, they don't want to be single forever. So it's not like a young adults ministry where people are like, yeah, I'm super excited to be a young adult. What a fun time of life. So there's some nuances there. Also, too, I'm I'd imagine that churches don't want to have the dating app vibe or you know. Yeah, we call it a singles ministry, but really it's a speed dating group and the idea is, if being single, according to Paul, is actually an advantaged season, then let's say there's a singles ministry at a church. It should not be necessarily about how do I find a spouse. It should be how do I crush it in this season, how do I make the most of this season? Now, if you want to be married and you find somebody in that group, awesome, that's just. That's just a symptom of people getting together.

Bob Wheatley: 26:16

But yeah, to answer your question, I don't feel like the church specifically does a great job in serving singles. It is few and far between when it comes to churches that actually have a devoted singles ministry. I'm sure there's a number of different reasons why it could be number one. Who's going to lead that group? Who has the heart specifically to serve that group? Second thing the people that are in it, the singles, probably want to leave. They'd much rather go to the marriage ministry. So I think maybe a good first step is just having this conversation to help people that are single understand there's nothing wrong with you. You're not less than, in fact, the apostle Paul says. You're actually in a sense more advantaged than your married counterparts and likewise for those that are married, just helping them, I think, maybe changing the conversation around people that are single in the church. If you're 33 and single, if you're 43 and single, you are not behind.

Chris Grainger: 27:20

You're not behind.

Bob Wheatley: 27:22

Yeah, you're not weird or an outcast. God is doing something in your life and we just have to wait and see for the rest of the story. I have a good friend of mine here in Nashville. He just got married. He's 53. He had written off the idea, said I don't think it'll ever happen for me, just got married a couple months ago.

Bob Wheatley: 27:54

Version of me I can't be at a bunch of different places at once, but I did want to create something where, of course, the book is like the catalyst resource. That's where you start. But the vision is to have these churches have a resource where it is done for you. It is a plug and play, you insert it. It's a five week curriculum where they're able to walk through. The book itself is a 30-day challenge. So the vision is sort of all right, four Sundays in a row or four Tuesdays in a row, this church that might not have a full-time singles ministry can say all right, you mean, this is a singles ministry in a box, it's just done for us and we have not only a resource to help these people but an actual excuse to do it, to make it easy.

Bob Wheatley: 28:40

Yeah, that was my vision for it, because this is a very big and growing demographic within the church and it is very underserved, not to mention just in the inherent nature. With somebody who is single, you are isolated. You have your own challenges within marriage. You might go see a marriage counselor, but it's interpersonal conflict when you're single. For a lot of people, if they're dealing with depression and loneliness, you are isolated. So having something like this at your church, even if it's a one month deal hey, come to the single minded group. We're doing this cool little gathering with this specific resource, that would be something that is sorely needed. It's just not available in most places.

Chris Grainger: 29:31

Curious for the research you did for the book, because I mean all the demographics and the data. I look at it looks like the the age of marriage is just keeps getting pushed further and further out. I don't. I think it's early thirties, now is the average age, and and for kids the average age for the first child is being pushed out further and further than it ever has been. Did any of that data start coming up as you were doing the research for this book and was there any connection points to the church? Because I know that's something just for me. It's a very curious point to maybe unpack.

Bob Wheatley: 30:04

Yeah, I was actually very encouraged by the research that I did and the conversations that I had, so I ended up sitting down with 82 single Christian men over the course of a handful of months is basically a man per day, whether over coffee or over zoom. I met with 82 of them and my assumption was that a lot of these guys just really wouldn't care about this stuff. It'd be out of sight, out of mind, is not really on their radar. And I found the exact opposite. My assumption was the female demographic. The single Christian females would be all over this stuff. They're reading books and they have it's tugging at their heartstrings.

Bob Wheatley: 30:43

I figured the men would be thinking about their fantasy football team and the state of their 401k and building their life, and what I found was the men were equally frustrated. Equally frustrated, and a lot of it came down to communication or lack thereof. Number one men and women are just wired differently. Shocker, I think everybody can can understand that. But with the way that our world is constructed today, in 2025, that our world is constructed today in 2025, we're very mobile, we're very virtual, we are very separated. Versus the the world of 50 years ago, it was all in person, so it's difficult for men to meet women and vice versa. And then once you the cause maybe you met on a dating app or a friend of a friend connection you saw somebody on Instagram. It's, it starts virtual, then it becomes in person.

Bob Wheatley: 31:44

The encouragement that I had is these men really do care. And, in sharing that with some of my female friends after I conducted all those interviews, we're on the same page, men and women. We want to meet, we want to honor one another. We also want to even if it's not a romantic situation. We want to, like I said, we want to crush it in our season of singleness. But there are distinct challenges that we're rubbing up against, just with the culture and the technology and everything that we're dealing with today. So that's one of the reasons why I wrote the book. That's one of the reasons why I created the curriculum.

Bob Wheatley: 32:22

I just want to give the church a tool, as best I can, to help alleviate some of these pain points. That's not to say that it's going to be done perfectly, but, as it says in the word, we have good works prepared in advance for us. Maybe I'm single at this age to help other people that are struggling with that season. God's given me a desire to write. I love it. I love to speak from stage. He's put me in this seat to create this resource and who knows what happens from it. But yeah, I'm just doing the best I can, given that I'm I'm being facetious, but I'm five years behind, based off of Bob senior's timeline. I need to make the most of this season and this is one thing. That's come of it, man. I love it. Bob Love it.

Chris Grainger: 33:10

Guys, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. We're making a big change that I think you're really going to enjoy. I spent a lot of time thinking about our spiritual kickoffs and, honestly, I love doing them each week, so much so we started doing them live every Monday through Friday inside our exclusive platform, and here's the best part we decided to give full access, completely free. So now you can join our daily spiritual kickoff space at no cost. Every day, we go live to read the word, to encourage each other and find simple and powerful ways to apply God's truth to our lives. You'll even have the chance to engage with me directly, and if you missed a live stream, don't worry, the videos are posted the same day so you can catch up whenever it works for you. This is exclusive behind the scenes content that is not available anywhere else, and now we've removed every excuse. So if you're ready to get started, head over to the lion withinus and grab your free access today. Let's grow together.

Chris Grainger: 34:25

I'm super curious, bob, because I've met with single guys mainly. Well, 100%. I don't meet with single women. So that's just because I'm married, it's just a personal rule. But me with a lot of single guys and so many of them, man. It feels like they're comparing themselves to what they think they should be. You mentioned it a little bit earlier. So if a guy comes to you, he's feeling disqualified, he feels like he's he's no good, he's never going to find a girl or he's insignificant. What counsel do you offer to those guys in those moments? And maybe just as part of your, of your curriculum, but just that maybe there's one guy listening right now. He's like all right, he don't understand. Like no, no, chick's going to ever want me. Like what do you tell that guy in that moment?

Bob Wheatley: 35:08

Yeah, I, I shared a story before the break about the friend of mine who's in his fifties. He was thinking the exact same things where he had dated a little bit as a younger man, but in his own words he felt like he kind of self-sabotage, like he just blew it. There was women that were interested in him and he said the wrong things or he pushed them away and he felt like he he was never going to be married and it was his fault. He felt like it was just it wasn't going to happen. You know, maybe there was some some insecurities there or whatever the reason. If somebody came to me and felt something similar, first thing is I would just share that individual story and if you look hard enough, they're everywhere. This is just Bob's individual anecdote, right? But I'd also say this, and this is the challenge I'm not saying this is an easy thing, but I go back to first Corinthians seven where Paul says if you are single, I wish you would remain as I am.

Bob Wheatley: 36:10

The question that I would have to that single man is are you willing, are you ready, to actually take Paul at his word? Because in your Bible it says that you, as a single person, have an advantage to serve the Lord. That doesn't mean you're going to be the happiest it's not what Paul's saying but it does mean you can be wholeheartedly devoted to him and, of course, as you seek him more, there is love, joy, peace, patience. There's everything that you get in living with him, but it's the catch 22. It's the challenge for the single person where and I'll be honest with you, chris I deal with this myself. I still do. There are plenty of days where I feel lonely. There are plenty of days where I wish that I was married and life would, I'm assuming, life would just feel easier. I'd wake up and there'd be somebody. You know, the other half of my bed wouldn't be cold in the morning. There'd be somebody at the end of my day, whether it was good or bad to talk to or to listen to. Hey, tell me about your day. I don't have those things and it's difficult on me. I'm not going to lie. Yeah, that can be true. And the other thing can be true as well.

Bob Wheatley: 37:33

Where, like one of my heroes of the faith is Joseph I mentioned his story earlier where, at 17 years old, god gave him this dream. This vision says your brothers will bow down to you. This vision says your brothers will bow down to you. And then there's a bunch of just awful stuff that happened to him year after year after year he's sold into slavery, he's falsely accused, he's thrown into prison, he's forgotten in prison all these terrible things for years. Meanwhile, if we could just kind of remove ourselves from our story and look down and realize, shoot, god is going to save the world through me, then the prison doesn't feel so terrible.

Bob Wheatley: 38:16

So the challenge if you're listening to this and you haven't had great success with women or you feel like marriage is something that you want, but it's just impossible, I'd say this Number one you have an enemy who hates you. Don't forget that. So take every thought captive and even if you literally need to write it down, maybe that's your capturing of the thought. Is this biblical? Is this something that a loving father would tell me? Second thing I would say and this is sort of the athlete in me coming out charge the hill, like, just because life is difficult right now does not mean that God's not in it. So I would say, my friend, keep going, keep going.

Bob Wheatley: 39:02

What like when we think about the stories in scripture, when we think about even the secular Hollywood movies that we watch. What are the stories that we actually tell? It's moments of courage. It's moments of men pushing through difficult things and then, however long it takes, reaping the reward of that. And it says in the word what our rewards will be, even if we don't see anything until the other side of death.

Bob Wheatley: 39:31

Like a Dietrich Bonhoeffer hanged by the Nazis. At 39 years old he was engaged to be married. Never married, assuming, never consummated, never procreated. This is a guy who sort of had his life torn away from him. He is being rewarded in heaven. Well done, good and faithful servant.

Bob Wheatley: 39:52

So, yeah, that would be my twofold response to that single Christian man who's kind of, who's down in the dumps, who's feeling it. Number one, you're not alone. Number two, you can do this. This is where we, as men, buckle up, we do the hard thing and this is where God is forging your character, because that's something that we need to state as well. Happiness, good times. That is not where character is forged. Character is forged through suffering. It says in Hebrews that even Jesus was made perfect through suffering. So, going back to what I said, all pain is painful, but not all pain is harmful. If you're going through a painful season of singleness. It might be awesome five years from now and you might be married with a young daughter and you're like, yeah, it was worth it. It sucks, it was still painful, but it's worth it. So, yeah, that would be, that'd be my, my encouragement, and I'd also say, my brother, I am right there with you. I am in that season. That's why I wrote this book.

Chris Grainger: 41:01

Man. Well said, bro, and I think for guys in particular, the rejection hurts and that rejection, I think we're prideful guys, man. I mean that's just the way God made us. So anytime we get that, if that does happen, sometimes that can be just a stumbling block and hold us back from really just leaning in and doing what God's called us to do. So I appreciate your honesty there and your candor. Well, if you start thinking about, if I'm single and I read this book, what do you think if they read it? What do you hope that sticks with them six months from now, after going through single-minded, after going through the course, there's got to be a few salient truths that you really hope they're not going to meet. Remember 30, but what's? What's maybe one or two that you know you really want to hammer home and just encourage the listener out there with yeah, I would go to the subtitle of the book finding purpose and strength in your season of singleness.

Bob Wheatley: 42:03

I think that those would be two main takeaways from the experience. So the purpose is God, down, it is. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. It is answering the questions of why am I in this season? Why would a loving father allow me to go through so much pain, isolation, depression, whatever you're dealing with. Once you have that purpose, then it helps you to continue pushing through. I'd imagine with Joseph, when he finally saw the dreams fulfilled and his brothers were bowing down. He had that moment where he's like okay, god, you are an amazing storyteller. This, this all makes sense. So my hope for somebody who's reading the book is they have a, maybe, a preamble, they have a preview of of their purpose in that where God is actively using this season and it's just helpful to know, okay, yeah, it, even though it's painful or challenging, this will pay benefits. This does make sense. So number one would be purpose. Number two would be strength Again, kind of going back to my challenge for the listener a couple minutes ago is we as men?

Bob Wheatley: 43:16

I believe that our country and world history is really dictated by the character and actions of men, and we have an opportunity as Christian men to be that salt and light, to really lead from the front, to do challenging things. And by walking through this 30 day challenge, my hope is that as you grow closer to God, you understand yourself more, you embody the person of Christ more, and that's what Christians are. We are a bunch of little Christ running around. That's the idea. We are a little Christ, we are Christians running around, and so my hope is that you are strengthened, you're emboldened in this season to conquer the next challenge, to climb the next mountain, whatever it is, so that you can walk in the good works prepared for you.

Chris Grainger: 44:08

Love it, man, love it. Well, bob, this has been great and we always, towards the end of our episodes, we love to have lightning rounds. So you've done one lightning round before, so I have to mix it up for you this time. So if you're still willing to play, we'll jump in and have some fun. Man, let's play, let's do it. All right, man? So I'm just going completely off the cuff here. What's your go-to pump-up song, man? Like, I'm sure you're an athlete pre-game you probably had a certain playlist, but like, what's the song to get fired up?

Bob Wheatley: 44:37

It was always Lose Yourself by Eminem. That was a big movie that came out with 8 Mile. Yeah, that was in high school. That's what I was bumping, for sure.

Chris Grainger: 44:45

That's what I was bumping for sure. That's awesome Great song man. That definitely will get the blood flowing. How about if you look through the Bible? You mentioned Joseph a few times. I'm super curious, though. You look through scripture. If you could go back and witness any of those moments firsthand be like a firsthand account witness of it what moment would it be?

Bob Wheatley: 45:04

I know Joseph has been a theme in this show, but it's just because you're talking to me, and that's that's truly what I believe. I've been asked this question before, like if you could talk to any bible character, who would it be? I would like to talk to joseph in prison and just know all right, you've been for you've been forgotten. These dreams happened eight years ago. What are are you thinking, bro? What? What do you think is going to happen here? Is God real? Is he close? Are you the biggest fool on the planet? Because I, bob Wheatley, know the end of the story and it's going to work out awesome for you. But what do you, joseph, think? So, yeah, I would. I would if I could have a telephone and talk to Joseph in prison when he was forgotten and abandoned and falsely. Yeah, I would. I would if I could have a telephone and talk to Joseph in prison when he was forgotten and abandoned and falsely accused. That would be the first thing, sure.

Chris Grainger: 45:54

Sure, all right, if you had a day and it's never going to happen, so let's just pretend where you wake up and you have zero responsibilities because you're you're a crusher, you go get it. But if you had that day, we'd have no responsibilities. What would you do? What would that day look like?

Bob Wheatley: 46:10

Man, it's hard for me to answer that question, because responsibilities are not bad. Responsibilities can be fun and conquering things. Man, it would probably depend on where I am and who I'm with. It might be if I could pre-plan my destination and all of a sudden I was in Italy or something. I might want to explore the city of Rome. If I was with my family in California, I might just do whatever they like and go to Disneyland or spend time at the beach. Yeah, it's there you go. Yeah, life is good. It's responsibilities or not? Yeah, I'd want to make the most of the day.

Chris Grainger: 46:48

There you go. How about a boundary? So this may help for it. We can keep this single-minded as well. So is there a boundary you set that's made a big difference for you in this season of life.

Bob Wheatley: 47:00

Man, uh, a boundary. I would say that I, for better, for worse, I am pretty good about protecting my time, and that means I'm not the person who's always going to pick up the phone. I'm not the person who's always going to respond to a text an hour later. Now I make I make a, a, a personal commitment to responding. But yeah, my boundary is we talked about earlier on the show today where you can be so distracted and you're just pulled in a million different directions.

Bob Wheatley: 47:36

If you know what you're supposed to do or you believe that God has given you a call, then I believe you have a responsibility to that. And especially as you start serving more people and, Chris, I'm sure that you experienced this in your own ministry you might have a lot of people that are reaching out to you, and we are one man, we are one human being. So there's always going to be priorities. It just it has to be. Even Jesus had his disciples and he had different factions within the disciples and you talk about Moses and Jethro. There's a lot of delegation in ministry and you just do the best you can. So maybe a boundary that I've established is protecting my time, and when I'm with somebody, I want to be a hundred percent there. My phone is almost always on airplane mode because I'm having coffee with somebody. They are the most important person in the world to me in that moment. I don't want my phone buzzing and falling off the table, so that'd be a boundary, I'd say.

Chris Grainger: 48:40

What about spiritual disciplines for the season of life you're in? I'm sure there's different things that we all work through this, but anything that jumps out lately that you've been working on.

Bob Wheatley: 48:50

I would say this is less of a lately answer, just something that has really impacted my life and my walk. So when I moved to Nashville seven years ago and I started reading the Bible cover to cover in a year with a group of guys of mine, and we did seven years in a row so that does not mean that I'm an expert in the things of scripture, but it does mean I am constantly reminding myself of the story. I know that it took Joseph 13 years from vision to reality, from from dream to fulfillment. And again, I'm not a pastor, I've not gone to seminary. That's not really my walk. I'm a professional, I have a full-time job.

Bob Wheatley: 49:39

But I'd say, as far as spiritual discipline and I know we talked about my book on this show there's only one book that is the number one bestselling book of all time. That is without error. That will cover everything that needs to be covered for the Christian walk. It's not my book, it is the good book. So, yeah, I would just say making it a habit, getting into the word every morning. It could be reading through the Bible in a year or just having a specific plan on it, but it is the word, it is the Bible that changes lives. So yeah, I'd say that's the spiritual discipline that's meant the most to me in my walk.

Chris Grainger: 50:20

Amen, brother. Well, your last question for lightning round is and speak specifically to that single listener out there right now what would be your rally cry to them? What do you hope they remember the most from just our conversation today?

Bob Wheatley: 50:37

You have a distinct advantage as a single person. Sometimes that is lost, both by us in the moment and also by the church. But that'd be my encouragement to you, remember I go back to that quote by Theodore Heckel he has an advantage, he has an addition, the special Pauline advantage, and that he is unmarried. If you're listening to this and you're unmarried, my friend, you have an advantage. Chris, love you. We have an advantage over you. Our interests are not divided. We have. We can be wholeheartedly devoted to God. We can be sort of a red blood cell in the body of Christ. We can go on a mission trip to Africa at a drop of a hat, no problem. So that'd be my encouragement to the single person, and that is not to. I'm not at all belittling the married life. I want to life, I want to be married, I want to be a husband, I want to be a father, and yet I'm single right now. We might as well crush it.

Chris Grainger: 51:35

There you go, brother, there you go. Where do you want to send them? Bob, to connect with you I know you're pretty big on social media as well as get a copy of the new book.

Bob Wheatley: 51:42

Yeah, books available now. Best place is just going to be bobwheatleycom. Hopefully we can throw a link in the in the show notes there. Yeah, bob Wheatley is going to. Uh, bobwheatleycom is going to have all the info for you. And yeah, love to see you guys there.

Chris Grainger: 51:55

Awesome brother. Thank you so much for your time today. It's always good to catch up and best of luck with the new venture here.

Bob Wheatley: 52:01

Thank you, appreciate you having me.

Chris Grainger: 52:11

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Chris Grainger: 52:38

Join today at thelionwithinus that's thelionwithinus and get started today. All right, guys, I told you that was going to be a good one. So thankful for Bob for showing up, for helping us out. The question of the week this week is how can I, as an individual, glorify God with everything that we've been given right now? And maybe you're in that season of singleness, or maybe you're married, or maybe you're in a season where you're post-kids and you got the empty nest. Maybe you're married, maybe you're in a season where you're post kids and you got the empty nest. Whatever it is, what are we doing to glorify God every day, because that's what it's all about. So thankful for Bob for sharing. Hopefully you guys are encouraged Again.

Chris Grainger: 53:18

Thelionwithinus is where you can find all our resources, from our daily spiritual kickoff to our community, to our leadership masterminds guys. It's every level. We try to serve and try to help. Check us out on the Bible app Tons and tons of resources out there. Love putting those out there, so hopefully you'll be encouraged by that, and if there's anything that we can do to serve again, thelionwithinus is where you find us. Okay, so give us a rating and review. That helps big time. Share this stuff out with others, particularly other single type of guys. Hey, let them know you're not alone and this, this message, may be encouraging for them. So we'll see you on our next fun Friday and just keep unleashing the lion within.