Chris Grainger: 1:01

Welcome to the Lion Within Us, a podcast serving Christian men who are hungry to be the leaders God intends you to be. I'm your host, chris Granger, let's jump in. All right, guys, it's your meat episode, let's get right into it. So the scripture of the week this week is out of the book of Psalms, chapter 25. Look at two verses, verses four and five. Ok, it says show me your ways, lord, teach me your paths, guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God, my Savior and my hope is in you all day long. And, guys, what a beautiful verses right there that we just need to remember and try to apply to our life. And talking about applying, if you want to know how to simplify and apply this verse, check out the previous podcast episode, where our spiritual kickoff really unpacked this at length to give you some insight to how you can simplify and apply God's word into your life as a leader today. Okay, so I'm excited for this episode, guys, this is going to be a great one because we welcome in our guest, dj Hernandez.

Chris Grainger: 2:06

He from Portland, very, extremely secular city, let's just be real. He found himself surrounded by lots of non-religious people. Okay, and this is this is a huge part of his story and he had a faith field upbringing. That's the hard part to think about as we think through this. He started, as you'll hear in this conversation, he started equating so much of his identity and the things that he could do and earn. There's a gap. There's a gap. However, he did find some things in his high school, like starting a Christian club, that was just absolutely unbelievable. But you're going to hear a common theme here, guys Isolation okay and loneliness. Those were the two tools that the evil one used against DJ. That made a significant impact in his walk, and I know after talking and counseling with many, many guys all over, that isolation is the enemy of excellence, and loneliness that leads to a path of destruction. And, guys, I'm just here to tell you if you hear anything from DJ's story, if anything here resonates with you, or if you know others who you think may be heading down this path, share this out, share this out. We want to get this in front of them so that we can combat the enemy. So hopefully you enjoy this conversation and DJ Hernandez's story.

Chris Grainger: 3:42

Dj, welcome to the Line Within Us. How are you doing today, man? I'm doing great. Early morning, but great, yeah, super early for you. I didn't realize we had that time difference, man, we could have recorded a little bit later. That's okay, Maybe we'll get it going early today. Well, man, tell us something you know. A little bit of fun about you that maybe not many people know dj uh let's see.

DJ Hernandez: 4:06

Uh well, I played soccer growing up, played for basically all my life and I played for like one year in college okay yeah nice.

Chris Grainger: 4:19

So that's your sport. Huh yeah, yeah, that's my main sport. All right, all right. Well, I mean, we definitely got connected through your I am second feature Nice. So that's your sport. Huh yeah, that's my main sport. All right, all right. Well, I mean, we definitely got connected through your I Am Second feature that came out and love to hear how it even came about you connecting with them and things like that. Before we jump into that, maybe share a little bit of your story. Get our listeners up to speed on why you have a story that could potentially really help a lot of guys out there yeah, totally so.

DJ Hernandez: 4:47

I'm originally from portland, oregon. I grew up there, you know, I was born there and then, um, when I was this is kind of another fun fact when I was, uh, seven years old, me and my family we moved to morocco. Um, we were there for a couple of years and you know, when I was over there I grew up in a believing household. You know, being over there, I think really just like through my heart a lot more for the Lord.

DJ Hernandez: 5:13

You know, I had one conversation in particular that really stuck with me from when I was a kid, and one day I was in class and this girl asked me she's like, oh, are you, are you Christian or are you Muslim?

DJ Hernandez: 5:24

And I was like, well, um, I'm Christian. And she was like shh, like you're not allowed to say that, you know, and so, but like, from that time, like I remember just being so like sad, um, for at the fact that, like this girl, my class, like didn't, I was like Jesus, no, jesus, you know, and it was so like shocking to to me as a little kid. And so then, moving back to Portland, back to the US, you know, just would always kind of talk to my friends about Jesus. The church I grew up in was just really amazing and great, just on. Hey, love the people around you, be a light of Christ to them and make disciples where you're at, and so I feel like that's all I really knew, as hey, like, love the people around you, you know, be a light of Christ to them and make disciples. You know where you're at, and so I feel like that's all I really knew, you know, as a kid, and so I talked to my friends about Jesus and all that and you know, my family loves sports, so I played a number of

DJ Hernandez: 6:15

different sports. Growing up and you know, going into like middle school, my identity was really wrapped up in in sports, my performance, and you know just how I did at different things and, um, if I played well I felt like my parents were proud of me and if I didn't play well then I felt like I was a disappointment, you know, and I don't think that was them, that was mainly just my own kind of feelings and stuff, you know. But kind of around that time too, I went to a church camp type thing and kind of the message that week was just really focused on your identity in Christ and just how, like the Lord, you know, he gives us an identity rather than us having to earn it. And for me that was just like it was just transforming because my identity was so wrapped up in my sports versus Jesus and so, and I was always trying to earn it rather than just realize like well, it's really given and um, you know. So from that that point I really started growing a lot more my walk with Jesus, and you know. So, from that that point I really started growing a lot more my walk with Jesus and, you know, just really desiring to read his word a lot more and just just abiding in him more.

DJ Hernandez: 7:32

You know, and, and and you know, kind of around that time after that, like the Lord really started putting a heavy on on on my heart, in my family's heart, to transfer to our local public school in in Portland. I was at like a small private Christian school at the time and, um, you know, I talked to my parents about it. I was like, hey, like I feel like the Lord is possibly leading us, you know, and and they're like oh, that's awesome, like we'll pray about it, and basically saying no, like that was kind of their way of saying like yeah, I'm not sure, and you know, and, and so I was praying about it and they were praying about it. And you know, we had an opportunity at my church to kind of just share about this summer camp we'd gone to, and and when I, when it was my turn to share, I was kind of sharing, you know, just all these different things that the Lord had been teaching me and showing, and then, and then at the end I was like, yeah, and, and the Lord is calling me to transfer high schools and so that's what I'm going to do. And oh, wow, I didn't talk to my parents again and I remember kind of looking at my dad and he was looking at me and kind of smiling and he told me later he's like man, it's like I really knew like the lord was leading us there, and so he was like it was just, it's just lord's time in and, and you know, just two weeks later I was in a brand new school and you know, through kind of the rest of my high school years, like I really just I desire, like I really wanted to just be a light at my school, you know, and in portland itself, just a really secular city, and, and you know, my, my prayer, my first day of school was like, lord, let me be, let me meet some believers here and, sure enough, like he led me to like a group of thought, like basically the five kids in our school that knew jesus, and you know one of the guys that was leading it, his name is ben, like he had, he had given his life to Christ a few years before that and, um, me and him really were just like dude, how do we, how do we, like you know, engage our friends at our school and, you know, share the love of Christ with them, and you know, and so we just we just started hanging out a lot, I just sharing with people, and we started a Christian club at our school and originally it was like basically just the five of us for like a year, you know, like just kind of coming together and you'd invite people and sometimes people would come and but it was cool, like it was really cool for us just being able to come together at least once a week and just spend some time together praying and getting the word together and those kinds of things.

DJ Hernandez: 9:59

And and then over that next summer, going into I was going into my junior year at this point, I think, and then he was going to be a senior we were just like okay, like what can we do? Like how do we really, you know, just I don't know just continue to love our friends at our school, you know, and so going to that next year we just spent a lot of time praying together and, um, you know, it ended up being like 70 kids coming basically every single week to our, to this little classroom, you know, and from all kinds of different backgrounds, you know, and like 90, 95 of them not knowing jesus or growing up in a believing household at all. You know and um and and it was really like after school type of situation during lunch on Wednesdays, okay, During lunch on Wednesdays and you promoted it as a Christian group.

Chris Grainger: 10:49

I mean, what did you guys call it?

DJ Hernandez: 10:50

Yeah, we were just like hey, come to our, come to our, our Jesus club, you know come talk about Jesus and you know the Bible and and I think I think, I think honestly, at that point we were just, we were part of it was we were upperclassmen and um just had more influence in the school. And then I think, um, you know, I think the people that we had met a year before were like I think we just loved them pretty well, right, and so people were really open, you know, and it was very like conversational, like we, we would spend some time kind of reading the bible and um like kind of just discussing some of the like whatever passage we go over, and then um kind of spend a lot of time like after that, kind of just you know, just kind of open discussion. And it led to like a lot of a lot of people just sharing their experience with church and whatever it might be. Um and the teachers.

Chris Grainger: 11:41

They were okay with this man. They didn't. Did you get any pushback?

DJ Hernandez: 11:44

there, the teacher that we were doing it with, or the class that we're using. He was a believer too, actually, and so nice, that was pretty cool even let you guys do that.

DJ Hernandez: 11:52

That's awesome. No, yeah, it was really awesome. It was such a, it was such a gift and so. But from that my family was like, hey, like we want to, we want to serve the school too, what else can we do? And so we ended up opening up our home every Sunday night and we had like 25, 30 of my friends coming over every single Sunday, getting to see a family that loves the Lord, that loves each other, and just continues talking about the Lord and reading the Word together. Basically, by the end of it, I had like five friends that ended up giving their lives to christ.

DJ Hernandez: 12:24

And it was just, it was so cool, it was such a special season and so, you know, the next year, uh, my friend ben, he graduates, a lot of other friends graduate and you know, now I'm a senior and, um, really just kind of fell into isolation. Uh, and you know, like, when, with my friends come to Christ, I kind of took a lot, I took a lot of pride in that and kind of took as like my own, my own work and and the Lord just really humbled me. Like the, the club at our school like completely stopped. Basically, you know, like it just it just ended and the, the, the group at my home was still was still going because my parents basically just took over. We're leaving that and, um, you know, I fell into into some sin too. Like I started smoking weed for the first time and I lied to my parents about it and, um, you know, it was just really like just alone.

DJ Hernandez: 13:20

Like part of it was like you know what my, my closest friend, ben, had got, had graduated, and you know like he was, he was kind of just my person. I was, you know, doing the most life with and and really just holding me accountable and so there's like that. And then it was also just like my own choice, like I was. I was personally like isolated myself because I felt ashamed and didn't want people to know what was really going on and all that kind of stuff. And, and you know some, some of the friends that, like I, had originally been trying to you know, like be a light to like they were doing these things too.

DJ Hernandez: 13:54

I just kind of gave in and you know, and so that that just like over that next kind of course like just led to a lot of that next kind of course like just led to a lot of, um, just like I don't know, evil thoughts and just depression, um, right and and kind of like every year in high school, especially like I just, you know, in portland it's like nine months out of the year gray and so overcast and oh yeah, and so I would just get kind of the seasonal depression every every winter and fall and and spring and so so that would always affect me and like, but this just, you know, it's made everything worse and so I just I just really started struggling a lot in my mind. And then, you know like, get through senior year and during my senior year too, I found out my grandpa had cancer and was battling cancer and, um, you know, I go into my freshman year of college and you know it was going. It was going good normal kind of college season for a little bit, and then my grandpa ended up passing away and when he, when he passed away, I was pretty like just really just disheartened, andened. And you know that's that same weekend he died, one of my friends had invited me to go to a party with him at the school that he was at, and so, right, you know, I was like, yeah sure, why not? You know, and, and that was my first time ever getting drunk, and you know, and I remember just going and doing that and then waking up the next morning and just and just feeling like what did I just do? Like just feeling so ashamed, and it just kind of led into like a, you know, somewhat of a cycle of doing that, like just on the weekends, you know, going to party to kind of get drunk, right, and you know, I mean at that point I had just been isolating myself so much.

DJ Hernandez: 15:41

And you know the scripture that I use a lot of times to like kind of share about how my life was during that season was just like Proverbs 18,. One says like he who isolates himself seeks his own desire, he breaks out against all sound judgment. And and that's just how I was living, like I was just seeking my own desires, I was isolated, you know, like my friend Ben he he had tried calling me out a couple times and I just I wouldn't take it, I wouldn't hear it. So I was just breaking out against any sort of sound judgment. My parents were. They knew something was going on. They weren't fully aware. I mean, I was in college at this point too, so I wasn't living at home anymore. Right, you know, trying to to like everything's okay.

DJ Hernandez: 16:22

Um, I think for me, like one of the things in that too was, you know, growing up, I, my parents, were always like, hey, dj, like you're a leader, you know, and um, and so I felt like, as a leader, I couldn't, I couldn't kind of let my guard down or um, you know, like I, I just I just always felt this pressure from. You know, when I was a kid and even when I learned, like, oh, my identity is given to me in Christ, there's still like a struggle for me. I'm just like man, I want to perform like, I want to earn, earn this, I want to, you know, I be approved by people and all those kinds of things.

Chris Grainger: 17:08

Let's take a quick break, man. We'll be right back guys. Yeah, sounds great. I don't know about you, but I used to find Mondays really rough. I would find myself trying to reset for work, trying to get my bearing on the family calendar, trying to find time for my own spiritual growth and development, and often I found myself overwhelmed or just flatly ignoring aspects of my life that I know are meaningful to me. What I learned was that if I had immediate access to important and impactful spiritual topics and reflections to start my week well after the allure of a Sunday sermon has passed, I would set my whole week up to be more meaningful and for the opportunity to make a true impact.

Chris Grainger: 17:59

If you think that getting such a boost would help your week to get started on the right foot, we would love for you to sign up for the Weekly Roar, which is our newsletter that is produced by the Lion Within Us. Each week will deliver a powerful reflection and practical steps to help you apply Scripture with clarity and purpose, all being rooted in light and truth. Purpose all being rooted in light and truth. So in just a few minutes, we hope to arm you with insights for living out biblical leadership with confidence and strength and maybe even have a little extra bounce in your step. If that sounds useful, head over to the lion within dot us slash roar to sign up today. That's the lion withinus slash ROAR to sign up today. That's the lion withinus slash ROAR to get your weekly ROAR today.

Chris Grainger: 18:54

So, dj, you know I'm curious. I mean you're kind of here. I'm very interested to know more about your family situation too, because you said they were believers. Were they? Were they recognizing anything? Maybe your senior year, any flags and anything like that that they were calling you out on?

DJ Hernandez: 19:10

yeah, definitely I mean, when you know our parents when I lied to them were pretty like especially my mom, she was really heartbroken. You know the fact when I lied to them were pretty like especially my mom, she was really heartbroken. You know the fact that I was lying to her and and so they definitely called me out. Like you know, I got in some trouble. But they're also very just like loving towards me and right, you know, just really like they just really cared for me and they really tried to like help me as much as they could and they would really just ask helpful questions just about when I was feeling pretty down and depressed, how they can help, how they can serve and love me. They were definitely aware there were definitely consequences too at the time, I'm sure I'm sure it sounds like when you got to college.

Chris Grainger: 19:58

So Ben left. So Ben was a year older than you, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, so you guys just kind of drifted. I guess he went to college or went off somewhere.

DJ Hernandez: 20:07

Yeah, I mean he started having school and work and stuff and so it was just like just kind of naturally we just kind of grew apart a little bit. And then also, like I just I think like I was kind of intentionally avoiding him I think there was a piece of that just because like I really like I just really respected him a lot and and I was just afraid of him finding out I didn't know if he knew or not, and so I didn't, I didn't want him to. So I was like man, I just don't, I don't want to know and I don't want to have to talk to him about it.

Chris Grainger: 20:49

So these other guys, though they they introduced you to the drinking and the parties. I sound like you started running with them pretty hard. Yeah, you to the drinking and the parties. That sound like you started running with them pretty hard. Yeah, yeah, a little bit. Yeah, where did it all come together? At when did you recognize that this is something that?

DJ Hernandez: 21:08

you couldn't really uh control on your own. Um, honestly, probably for like kind of getting towards the end of my freshman year of college, uh is more so when like and and from my freshman year of college was was covid, covid year, um, or like when we kind of hit and so right. So you know, like we were well. So I was my first college I was at was in was in oregon, and so I was, I was in portland, oregon and then, you know, I was really struggling with those things and partying and drinking and stuff. And then I actually had a friend that was going to school down in California and they called me like hey, like I heard, you're thinking of transferring colleges. You should, you should transfer here. There's some dudes that really love the Lord here and you need that. And I was like man, you're so right. And so I actually ended up transferring there for the next semester and so I ended up down in Southern California where I'm at now going to a small all-private Christian school.

DJ Hernandez: 22:13

You know, when I got down here, it was so it was just. It was so interesting because, like the, the people kind of in our friend group, it was like a mix of like you know, you had people that weren't believers and then you had people that were really following Jesus and then you had people that were kind of in between but that were really desiring to pursue the Lord, and so it's like they would still fall and have these like really kind of I guess just more like visible struggles, you know, with drinking and smoking and all that kind of stuff and partying, but like we're actively trying to battle that and you know, like our believing friends really kind of helped us in that. And then COVID hits, all of us get sent home and you know, again it was like I was. I was just alone, like I was isolated. I, you know, was seeking my own desires and and really just grew bitterness, like just deep bitterness in my heart, like towards towards the Lord, towards my family, you know, towards my little brothers, like I just wasn't really loving anyway, sure, not even myself really. I, just I, I just I was really angry during that whole time.

DJ Hernandez: 23:18

And you know, and and kind of during that time, one of my friends who I had been kind of partying with at my college in california, who was really trying to, you know, just just pursue the lord, like he just completely changed. Like he would facetime me once in a while and tell me about these guys that were starting to like disciple him and pour into him, and and he had gone to like this one, like it was like a worship gathering or something or something that was happening at the beach in california and he met these two guys and they really just started pouring into him and, yeah, he was like he was changing, like the way he was talking was changing, like like the way you know, he would just share, like he's like, yeah, these guys are like discipling me now. And I remember him telling me, telling me these things, and just like wishing that I had something like that.

DJ Hernandez: 24:05

And you know, and then our school later in the summer finally announces like hey, like we're opening up our dorm rooms, but all classes still going to be online and first come, first serve, basically. And so I was like, oh, my gosh sweet. So I bought a car and then two days later I was down in the dorms at my college and so, right, drove down and was there. And then that first weekend we had a bit of party out on the beach and I'd gotten pretty drunk and it was just like I was just getting angry, like I was just yelling at people and making a fool of myself, and you know, and then my friend Shane was actually there and, um, I mean, even even like his purpose for going at that time, you know, was like he was like man, I want, I want my friends to like know the Lord too, like I right, and so he's like I want to like talk to them like and you know and those kinds of things and so.

DJ Hernandez: 24:57

So he wasn't drunk at all, like he was completely sober and and, um, you know, sees me yelling and stuff. He's like, bro, like what's going on? And I, I like yelled at him and then, like, took off and just sprinted down the beach away from everyone and you know, like I just I just come like to the end of of myself.

DJ Hernandez: 25:18

I was just like man, I, I just I can't do this anymore. All these people around me, like you know, are fake or whatever. I feel so angry, I feel like god's abandoned me and yeah, just all about me and my feelings. You know, like I remember I can't fully remember every single detail, but like I just I remember I was sitting on like a lifeguard tower kind of looking out the water, and I was like I'm done, like I just I can't do this anymore, like I just I want to, I just want to, I just want to be over. And you know, I went out into the water and I was, you know, kind of trying to drown myself. And you know, after a little bit, I feel these arms come up from behind me and pull me out.

DJ Hernandez: 25:55

You know, shane, shane, I guess had been like running up all the way down all over the beach trying to find where I was at. And you know it's nighttime, like you can't really see anything, and you know he just he pulls me out of the water. He's like bro, like what, what is going on, man, like what's going on with you? And um, kind of just like here's, here's me out, here's what I'm saying, and then really just start sharing, like sharing god's love with me again and just like I don't know, just like speaking truth into all the lies. He's like dude, like he's like you're not alone, he's like you're not, god hasn't abandoned you. And, um, you know, like, just like sharing, like you know, just like dude, like there's just we're broken, like this word.

DJ Hernandez: 26:35

This world is so broken and, um, we try all these different ways to get out of it, whether it's, you know, through partying or drinking or smoking, or you know, even things that may seem good at times, like trying to just be successful and, um, you know, even have it, trying to have like a perfect relationship or something like we're doing it, we're doing all these things to try getting out of this brokenness, but oftentimes there's spongy cores and they snatch us back into it and you know, but the true, only way out is is from that brokenness, is that god gave us this one doorway and that's through turning to jesus and believing that he came down, you know, died on the cross for us, rose again, if we make him king of our life and then we become new and like it just. It just spoke to me that night like it just was such a reminder of like I just felt. I just felt so seen by the Lord and um, and he just really spoke through Shane to me and um, you know, like kind of just during that too, like I just really felt like the Lord was just telling me like DJ, like stop running from me.

DJ Hernandez: 27:34

I've been chasing after you this whole time and you know I'd always kind of with that same mentality, like I always had to earn things, like I I feel like I had to earn my way back to God, and really it was just like realizing like all I had to do was turn to him and he was there, like to meet me there in my brokenness and you know, there were a lot of consequences from actions and stupid things I had done throughout my freshman year and just things I was doing that was sinful, but I wasn't alone in it. He was with me to walk me through those hardships, basically Right, right, and guide me on how to handle those things well, from consequences, from actions.

Chris Grainger: 28:21

It's funny how little steps, man. I mean you're walking the path right, seemingly you're doing the right stuff I mean you're the church group and then all of a sudden just little decisions. But you said several times here, man, that isolation really got to you and that isolation is the enemy of excellence. I'm convinced of that, man, and this is where so many guys in particular, we just get, we get, we get wrapped in that isolation and the next thing you know, it's a dark place we're in and the devil's going to kick our butt in the dark.

DJ Hernandez: 28:52

He just is.

Chris Grainger: 28:53

I mean we're going to lose until we expose it to the light of christ man. So sounds like. Sounds like shane was uh, he was right there where he needed to be when yeah, when you needed him the most.

DJ Hernandez: 29:04

Yeah, man yeah, they're, they're um, at the end of that proverb, proverbs 18, it says like a man of many companions may come to ruin. Uh, there's a friend that sticks closer than a brother and and that was like shane for me, like he, just he stuck closer than a brother and like was just there, you know, and um, and exactly what you said. He was just a light man in my life and so I just I praise God for shame.

Chris Grainger: 29:27

A hundred percent man, a hundred percent. Well, guys, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. When I reflect on the kind of things that the men who participated in our discipleship masterminds had in the past, I am overwhelmed by the quality of their comments and commitment to each other. Several of the guys commented that this was the most meaningful leadership experience they've encountered, and we even had one man log into a discipleship mastermind while a hurricane was hitting his house. He was that committed and received that much from his peer group that he didn't want to miss it. Because of this extraordinary commitment and because it's a true gift and pleasure, we made them a core part of our community and we hope you might join us. We sit up men with their own peer advisory group of seven individuals that meet every other week for 12 weeks. Each member shares areas they want to focus on, such as improving their prayer life, being more intentional with their wives or maybe shedding a few extra pounds together.

Chris Grainger: 30:39

We help them strategize, make commitments, find accountability and learn. It's been our experience that most guys want a community of trustworthy men to share their ideas and create support for each other with, and it's been our experience that most men don't either create this for themselves or seek them out. So we do this because we want you to have that in your life, and all that is needed to begin winning is you. If this sounds interesting, check out our community to see the dates and times of when these different groups meet. Visit thelionwithinus to start your free trial of our community. To get started today, that's thelionwithinus and I would love to see you lean in and tap into the power of our discipleship masterminds. Discipleship Masterminds. I'm just curious. Dj, you were there. That isolation and loneliness was something that you struggled with. I guess you went through that now, and there's so many guys. Kobe was a big it magnified this.

Chris Grainger: 31:51

It magnified it. It sounded like the timing couldn't have been worse for you for that to explode into a major issue. You know, what would you say to guys who are struggling with this stuff right now?

DJ Hernandez: 32:06

that's a good question, it's.

DJ Hernandez: 32:08

I've been asked this question over times and, like every time I answer it, like I'm always like man, like the first thing that comes on my mind is like there were all these things I I didn't want to be told during that time.

DJ Hernandez: 32:16

But now, like, honestly, I've really reflected on that season of life, like in the end, of people that are shown with those things, like you know, sometimes in that isolation, like you, you do not want to hear the truth, like you do not want to, you know, but I think you know, like I think the biggest thing, like for me, was like having someone to talk about, about it with, and and whether that's a close friend, a family member or just someone that you can just really expose what's going on into the light.

DJ Hernandez: 32:43

Um, right, you know. And then just receiving what the person says and you know, especially if, obviously, if they know the lord and they love you, like I'm pretty sure they're going to tell you the truth and really receive it as the truth, even though if it's hard to hear, like just receive it, because you know that's oftentimes like the way the Lord first speaks to us is you know one through His Word, and then he speaks to us through, like you know, his body, his church, his people and then their spirit and stuff too. If he, if you're having a conversation with someone and just really discern what they're saying and seeing it as true as from the Lord, and just seeing how much he truly does love you and desires you, that's kind of what I would say.

Chris Grainger: 33:28

That's perfectly said, man. I even had. I just got back from a little mission trip myself and we had some time. So funny you brought this up, man, because I met with the guy last night, actually, and I met him for the first time. He's 30 years old, we've got two kids, he runs a power crew working on light lines, right, and we were out there. It was late at night and the guys were kind of chilling out and there was just a couple of us around and he kept talking about being good enough and earning it. Like well, I just got to be good enough, man, I got to do this, I got to do that, I got to do this and I'm like bro, that's a lot of pressure, that's a lot of pressure, that's a lot of pressure on you as a man. Like you got two little girls that are like two and four, got a wife, and like, even if you're a kid in college, there's, there's pressure everywhere. You look like that, that earning. I'm like man. What about grace?

Chris Grainger: 34:25

yeah, he's like, basically, like what are you talking about? So we were able to have a little bit deeper conversation about grace, but it sounds like even you you grew up in a household full of believers it sounds like, obviously, you guys are doing great stuff. Sounds like you're going to church. You were definitely around it, but you missed the grace part and I'm just curious how so many guys missed that man. Looking back, where do you think that got? Maybe off kilter somehow? Understanding that grace component.

DJ Hernandez: 34:57

Yeah, I'm trying to think, I'm guessing a lot. I think a lot of guys relate to this, like I. For me, like I just I always felt like I had to perform and everything I did, like from sure, you know, like you know, growing up, playing, playing sports, like in soccer, it was like you know, we'd have our traps and stuff, and you're always trying to prove that you're good enough, or you know that you're able, you're capable of being on this team and started on this team, or you know basketball. It's the same thing, like you're, you're playing and you're proving that like, hey, I, I belong here, I should be part of this team, I can help lead this team and, um, you know, I, I know how to play, basically, and and and then, like, even in school, like it's, it's like you know, like you're, you're graded on your performance and so. So I think, um, I feel like for me it was almost just ingrained and I think, personally, like, personally too, like I've always, just ever since I can honestly remember like I've just always wanted to do well at the things that I've, I guess, been tasked with.

DJ Hernandez: 36:02

You know, and um, and desire to perform well, and so, uh, I feel like, just like, in terms of just my own personality, like I just always wanted yeah, I just always wanted to succeed and I think, like, like, just having that mindset and then also just being like really competitive.

DJ Hernandez: 36:22

Like you know, I think there's ways to have like a healthy competitive competitiveness, but for me it was, it was very just like I just I hated losing, I hated failing, like and and even like even having good coaches that were, like you know, encouraging or uplifting, like if you ever lost or if I failed, if I didn't do well, and even my parents, just like, and I just honestly, I think it was, I think the grace was there, I think I just refused to receive it at times, right, and and so I think that's part of that's part of it is like, even with what you're sharing about, um, you know the man with, but you know, just wanted to, I just want to be good enough, I want to own it, like, I just um, I think part of what like, especially if someone doesn't know Jesus, I think sometimes that's one of the hardest things is like realizing like you cannot earn your spot, like there's nothing you can do to earn your way to our father, you know, and so I think like it's so, so like counter what we know, and so I think that's what happened to me.

DJ Hernandez: 37:22

It was like I just I just I couldn't earn it and it was hard. It was always hard for me to wrestle with that.

Chris Grainger: 37:29

I think even for guys it can be even harder to. I don't think about this for a second dj, like it's, it's called the gift, the gift of grace.

Chris Grainger: 37:37

Yeah, and I know, for me, like I'm a, I'm a type a, I'm a doer, I like, I like serving, like helping, but for me it can be difficult to let others do stuff for me yeah like I almost, almost feel like I'm burdening them or something like that, or like you know, no, you should be helping someone else, not me, but then I'm robbing them of their opportunity to do what God's called them to do. So I don't know if that makes any sense or not. I just feel like man lots of times. Guys, that grace is a gift, man and and, but we have to be able to be willing to receive it. And it could be it's like shame, you know, just just sharing the truth, or it could just be understanding the free gift of salvation. You know, with christ, but man it.

DJ Hernandez: 38:23

I think receiving gifts is a little bit difficult for, especially for guys, and even like, in that too, it's like you know, the lord's saying paul writes in, like saint clinton's or whatever, like, like my grace is sufficient for you, like, like we don't think it's sufficient, like we, we like we feel to remember that, and but it's true, like it's the truth, and and just realizing like it truly is sufficient for us right, I think it was cs lewis, I'm pretty sure I heard it was him.

Chris Grainger: 38:50

There was a couple of theologians or something. They were just arguing about all the different things about Christianity and salvation and justification and glorification. All the cations, right what do you? Think Like what does it all boil down to when it comes to being a believer?

Chris Grainger: 39:10

He just erased it all and just wrote Dora Grace you know, and it's just such an easy to think about, but it's hard to to really to to understand and apply, man. So I just think for me, that isolation, the loneliness, all the stuff you're struggling with, man, I'm just so glad that someone like Shane was able to step in and just kind of pull you back to help. You know, he did obviously somebody. Those seeds are planted well before he got to that moment. But you know he got to see that harvest at least.

DJ Hernandez: 39:41

Yeah, a hundred percent, a hundred percent.

Chris Grainger: 39:44

What about? You know what changed. So, after that moment with him, you know what does it look like for you. You know what changed. So after that moment with him, you know what does it look like for you. You know moving forward, moving forward.

DJ Hernandez: 39:53

Yeah Well, so kind of during that time for him as well, like he has started a house church.

DJ Hernandez: 39:59

And so it like initially, right off the bat, like I just really started excuse me, just diving deep into the word again. And you know, just like I was reading my bible every day, I was praying, like he was calling me every day like hey, bro, what are you doing? Like come join us. We're heading over here to grab some food and we're like we're gonna read the bible. And so the guys that were pouring into him, you know like uh, he would, he like introduced me to them and all three of them, basically, were like just really just being a light in my life and discipling me and, like you know, teaching me again more how to share my faith. Um, you know, make me write a list of five of my friends that don't know jesus that I should pray for, and then be like, okay, like now let's go share with them, let's go talk to them about jesus, and right, right, and you know, like, hey, like second corinthians 5, like you see that you're a new creation, but god also says you're an ambassador, so you represent him and that's right. Um, and, like you know, they're sharing me, those like share me, like speaking, like hey, this is your identity from the word, this is who the lord says you are and, um, you know, here's your friends, here's how to go share with them. If they say, yes, here's some, here's some scriptures to go through with them.

DJ Hernandez: 41:05

And, um, you know, and then, so like I, I had a kind right after that, like one of my, one of my really good friends.

DJ Hernandez: 41:12

His name is Adam.

DJ Hernandez: 41:13

He ended up coming to Christ pretty shortly after that as well, and, you know, and then kind of during that time too, that's finally when we like I think we had more time also, but finally ended up going to the house church as well and really got plugged in there and you know, just like using like an X2 to model, just like really wanted to be the church together and and Shane would always be like, hey, like our desire is to multiply and see, like you know, more disciples made and and so me and a group of, uh, all my friends well, actually I'll backtrack for a second so we're going there and during that time, like, yeah, just really growing.

DJ Hernandez: 41:51

And then I actually ended up meeting this girl named Maya and she was just an amazing leader, like at our church and just like the Lord just really would speak through her and like I always thought she was so, so beautiful, beautiful. But then just seeing, seeing how she would just speak about the lord and just her reverence for christ and the way that she would love other girls and just pour into them and just care for them and listen so well and she didn't have any desire to be, you know, like the center of attention, like just was really just humble.

DJ Hernandez: 42:22

I was so attracted to me and so you know she's now my wife, um, nice, her name is. Her name is maya, and she's just. She's now my wife, nice, her name is Maya and she's just. She's absolutely amazing. I just love her so much, you know, and I think that, like seeing that and even just learning from her, like what it looks like, to really like love people around me and pour into them and you know, like basically, like what, as I was being discipled by these guys and they're pouring into me, like just learning, like and seeing her example, just like whatever she's learning, she's like giving away, like she's giving away for others around her and you know, and I mean that's what shame was doing.

DJ Hernandez: 42:55

And so it was just cool, like kind of just seeing that model all the time of like man, like whatever, like the lord is like teaching you from his word and from people are accepting you, like just teach to others, share with others and and then just do life, like do life with each other, like I think that was like such a big thing. It was like daily, like we were hanging out with each other daily and then so from there me, maya, the time we were just dating, me, maya and a couple of my friends, we were like man. What would it have looked like for us if we had something like this on our college campus when we were freshmen and I really just started just praying and seeing the lord together. We're like man, like let's start, let's start a house church on our, on our, on our school campus together. You know, we ended up starting one and we just spent a lot of time praying beforehand like god, please, just like bring incoming freshmen, like I don't know how, but like please do, and like literally like the first, the first night, we probably had like 40 people or something and um, and over 75 of them were incoming freshmen.

DJ Hernandez: 43:54

Um, you know, and it was just so cool, like I remember, at the end of that whole year, like some people were just really just sharing, like you know, like I, they were so nervous to come to school and afraid of just not really having any solid community and and they felt like they just had a cool, awesome family on campus and met a lot of the friends there. And then other people were just like they're afraid of falling into temptation and different struggles and just provided a space for people to be vulnerable, be real and grow together as a little church body. That's awesome. So that was kind of initially what was happening. That's basically what's been going on now for the past four or five years. Okay, so yeah.

Chris Grainger: 44:36

And that discipleship piece is so big and I think, like that's where churches in particular miss in areas of we get people together, Maybe there's fellowship, but that discipleship that has to be a core component. And I talk about, you know, have a Paul, have a Barnabas, have a Timothy in your life. You should probably have about three of each of those. But hats off to you for leaning into discipleship, Cause that's that's where. That's where a road meets a road.

DJ Hernandez: 45:04

Yeah, a hundred percent. A hundred percent, chris, all right, man.

Chris Grainger: 45:09

Well, look, DJ, before you jump out. Bud, this has been a great conversation. Let's, let's do a quick lightning round, just to let the guys get to know you a little bit better. How about that? All right, all right, man. So let's you mentioned soccer, any other hobbies that you have, things you do for fun now Rock climbing. I really love rock climbing, okay, so I don't play soccer anymore Like real rocks right, like mountains and stuff, or like at the Y or something like that.

DJ Hernandez: 45:35

So I mean kind of both doing some rock climbing, gym stuff. I go outside most of the time. Johnson Tree is not too far from here, so I'll climb out there sometimes.

Chris Grainger: 45:43

Nice, nice, all right.

DJ Hernandez: 45:52

So if you could have a superpower, what would it be and how would you use it To fly, so that way I can get everywhere in the world, wherever I want to go. That's how I'd use it, but obviously I'd give it an easier way to go places and share Jesus with people.

Chris Grainger: 46:01

No doubt, no doubt. What about favorite food?

DJ Hernandez: 46:04

Mexican food burritos.

Chris Grainger: 46:06

I love burritos, Bro. You're speaking my love language. That's it. What's your favorite band?

DJ Hernandez: 46:12

Favorite band? Yeah, music, oh, music, man, that's. I can't think of anything off the top of my head. Man, I listen to a lot of different music. I listen to a mix of everything. I think hip-hop probably is just my favorite genre.

Chris Grainger: 46:29

Okay, fair enough. How about your favorite thing? A mix of everything, but I think hip-hop probably is just my favorite genre. Okay, yeah, fair enough. How about your favorite thing? Let's do it two ways. We'll start off with what's your favorite thing about God?

DJ Hernandez: 46:40

Let's just talk about that Favorite thing about Him I mean His grace, man. That's it, bro. Just coming back to that, just His grace. It's just exactly what you're saying earlier.

Chris Grainger: 46:49

It's that just his grace. It's just. Yeah, it's just exactly what you're saying earlier. It's just such a gift. What about the least favorite?

DJ Hernandez: 46:54

thing about the evil one, least favorite thing about the evil one, I mean he just wants to steal, kill and destroy and like, when I look back at that time I lied to you, I'm like man, there's definitely, like these seeds, I don't know spiritual warfare going on in some sort of way. You know, like we're like to the point of if he wants to still kill and destroy, like I, I literally wanted to kill myself and take my own life right. So I think that's probably my least favorite thing is is, you know, even just seeing generations today, like you know where it's like they, this is happening. It's like man like this is what the enemy wants. He desires right to have evil thoughts like this to end their life and I, I just I hate it.

Chris Grainger: 47:30

So so how long have you been married? You said two years, two years and a few months. So give the guys a couple of green flags, things that you looked for, that you found in Maya, that you just knew she she's the one.

DJ Hernandez: 47:43

Yeah, oh, that's a great question. Honestly, like that I think the first no-transcript overseas at some point and um, and she's like really like, she's like I that's why I think too, and so I think we just both had like a similar calling and so the lord kind of brought us together. So I, I think those two things.

Chris Grainger: 48:28

What's been the hardest part about the early years of marriage?

DJ Hernandez: 48:31

Oh my, gosh, man, it's so hard like dying to yourself and being humble Like, oh, my gosh, I just want to be with you all the time.

DJ Hernandez: 48:38

You know, right and honestly, just keep my mouth shut. I love talking and I love being the spotlight, and so I think sometimes we balance both each other, because she doesn't want to be the spotlight and I sometimes do, you know. But I think in that, like I just talk way too much, and I think, like 95% of the arguments we've gotten into over the past two years, if I just would have kept my mouth shut, it would have happened. So that's the hard thing is to keep my mouth shut.

Chris Grainger: 49:06

All right, bro, you're learning quick. You're learning quick. That's it, no-transcript. Too much time doing over the last year. Yeah, it's good to reflect. So I like to ask this question to help guys reflect Honestly worrying, worrying about money.

DJ Hernandez: 49:28

You know it's super expensive living out here in Southern California, but, like God has provided in so many different ways for us and I still worry, and so that's probably the thing I spent way too much time doing that I didn't need to do.

Chris Grainger: 49:46

We'll just do two more. What are you struggling with right now? Cause a lot of times when guys listen to podcasts they think everybody's got it all together and it's just polished neat bow, but we all know life's real man. So like what anything you're currently struggling with?

DJ Hernandez: 49:59

yeah, man, I honestly two things like I'll share this one first, but you know, like I think first me and my wife are getting ready to move, and it's just been. We're moving overseas, and it's just been so stressful like trying to figure out all those details and right, um, where are you?

DJ Hernandez: 50:15

going. We're, we're moving over to europe, so we'll be doing some missions, work over there, all right, so super excited for that and like there's a lot of excitement. But then like figuring out like the details, the pieces and stuff and all that is just, it's just stressful. And so I think that and then in that, like I, ever since this is another product story but ever since I was like a you know, probably seven, six, seven years old like I've struggled with lust and so that's just been, that's just been an ongoing battle, like the Lord's given me a lot of victory, I think these past couple of years in marriage and stuff and I mean just just in life in general, you know, but just like I think it's more been the battles in my mind and just from images I've seen in the past and right and things like that man and and things like that man. So it's just when I'm stressed, it's like it's just always been something I've gone to and so it's just been a battle and just really trying to surrender that.

Chris Grainger: 51:08

We'll be praying for you, brother. Thank you for being real. Oh yeah, I got nothing to hide, man. Lots of guys just won't do that. And I keep telling guys you battle the enemy in the dark, he's going to destroy you, but if you take it to the light, man, it sounds like you're doing it. That's where we can have that victory.

DJ Hernandez: 51:27

So last question out of the lightning round, man, what do you hope that the listeners out there remember the most from our conversation today, dj man, just God's grace, genuinely, for me it was always. There's just some things, like even now, like growing up with christ, where I just feel like it just feels kind of cringy sometimes. You know, like we are grace, whatever you know, but like, like, but it's just, it's just so real, like it's just, it's just so like, it's like tangible for us to, to like take part in that and it is sufficient for us. And so I think that that'd be like the biggest thing is just seeing, like seeing God's grace in my own life, like just in in my story, but also just like recognizing it in your life, um, in anyone's life, you know, and so that's, I would say.

Chris Grainger: 52:14

Amen, DJ. Well, where do you want the guys to go If they want to connect with you or hear your story and learn more?

DJ Hernandez: 52:19

Yeah, I'm going to sound like an old man now. I don't really have any social media or anything, but I can give my email or something and if you email me I'll give you my phone number.

Chris Grainger: 52:30

There you go. If you want to share an email, that's fine. If not, we'll make sure we can put that in the show notes as well. Yeah, it's DJ. There you go, gosh. You got his email right there, so hit him up if you got any questions, dj, anything else you'd like to share today with us, I'm all good man.

DJ Hernandez: 52:46

I enjoyed the conversation.

Chris Grainger: 52:48

Yeah, man, I enjoyed the conversation. Dj, thank you so much for coming on the show. Yeah, thank you, chris. If you're a man who's looking for greater spiritual guidance into how to become a better leader, finding resources that you can trust and then implement can be daunting For me personally. I thought it was a lost cause and I decided to take the action, knowing that I wasn't alone.

Chris Grainger: 53:11

It was because of this wide gap that we created our line within this community, and the areas that we're helping Christian men grow are incredible. For instance, we've built ways for guys to lean in and grow through fun events like our daily spiritual kickoff, where you get that much needed boost directly from God's word, our Bible studies that always focus on how to discern and apply what we learn, and even our amazing form, where you can speak your mind without fear of getting shut down or judged by the extreme rules of modern day social media. On top of all that, we know that many men won't help overcoming issues and becoming stronger in many different areas. That's why we created several mastermind groups, where the iron truly sharpens the iron. Our community is about having a growth mindset, accountability, intentionality and transparency. In other words, just leave fake you at home and come to community just as you are. I fully believe what we feel. I see the impact it's making on men right now and I would love to have you check it out. So start your very own 30-day free trial today to see how we can help you be a better leader. So if you're ready to take that first step, head over to thelinewithinus and get started. Your journey begins here. Visit thelinewithinus and I'll see you inside with them. All right, guys, I told you that was gonna be a good one. I'm so thankful for DJ for sharing that. So again, check out the show notes and go check out the I Am Second group as well.

Chris Grainger: 54:43

So, if you want to see his story in depth, and the question I have for you as we kind of wrap this up, is how are you seeking you yourself? How are you seeking God's guidance daily? You need it daily. It's not just when things go bad that we need to call out to God. No, it's not some cosmic vending machine. That's not how it works. How are you seeking his guidance daily? If you need help with that, reach out to us at TheLionWithinUs. Go to TheLionWithinus, because that's how you can connect with us guys. All the different things that we're doing. Obviously, you can get our devotions on YouVersion for free. Go check all that stuff out. You can join our daily SKO for free. Or I'd encourage you to start your 30-day free trial to hop into our community.

Chris Grainger: 55:26

We've built this community, guys, to combat isolation and loneliness. So when he started talking, I'm like, yep, I get it, it's a big deal. And it's such a big deal. We created a line within us and this is where I want to get you plugged in. So if you're curious, if you'd like to know more about it, reach out. We have lots of ways you can get plugged in. We have quizzes there. We have 30 days to leash down the line within course. There it is for free. Just go to the line within that us, check out what we're doing, see if it serves you and then jump in and take that first step.

Chris Grainger: 55:58

All right, all right, guys, come back on Friday, because we're going to have some good, fun Friday episode for you. We'll have a few tips, dad jokes, all that fun stuff that we do on fun Friday episodes. And again, if you know someone who is struggling with isolation or loneliness or maybe just going through a seasonal change in life. I just encourage you to share this conversation, share this podcast out. Just hey, I was thinking about you. I know you got a lot going on. Just know there's some hope out there. All right, you guys have a great day, get after it. I'd love to see you hop into the community. Let's reach out if there's anything we can do to serve, and remember to keep unleashing the lion within.